The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 3

By Sleepynurse · Jan 15, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words. My husband left work early to come home and be with me but instead of being comforting he just sort of lost his mind... Flipping out, punching himself over and over again, screaming at me how could I do this to our family :( :'''(.

    He is terrified that without my income we will possibly lose our home/vehicles. I really think we can make enough cuts in our budget to get by. He told me he should do what my employer did "and just fire you as my wife." :( :( :( We have an amazing marriage ( I know that probably sounds like a lie considering all I was concealing but it's true.) It's like blow after blow today. I can't lose my husband and my career. Can't stop crying but at least crying feels good. I've been numb for so long.


  1. dating_meth
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Sleepy Nurse-

    While I can't speak for your husband, I can speak for myself. I was married for 18 years. The 1st 10 years of our marriage were absolutely amazing. In year 11 he went from a social drinker to a full blown out of control alcoholic. I dealt with that, stood by his side through rehab & everything after. I began to relax again somewhere around year 13 when he came home to tell me he'd been fired from his job. He gave me a BS reason as to why he was fired & said that the board had asked for either me to come clean his office out at work or they would do it & he could pay to have it delivered. Obviously I went to clean his office out. It was through his secretary that I learned that he'd been dumb enough to shoot up in the elevator & security turned the camera footage over. Needless to say after finding that out & finding all of the shit he kept in his freaking office? I was livid!! I still to this day don't know who I was angrier at. Him for using...or me for being too stupid to know.

    Trust me when I tell you that I said A Lot of incredibly horrible things to him. I'm not sure what gave me the impression to Ever think that I was just to verbally abuse him. I didn't have that right, yet I took it. That in itself becomes a poison. The non addicted spouse says things that wound deeply over & over, yet we go to sleep at night being angry at ourselves for being such jerks & angry with you for using, we swear tomorrow will be different. The problem is the next day comes & you're still wounded from what we said the day before & it all just starts all over again. It Is Exhausting.

    My only advice is to try counseling before you guys get to that point. There needs to be a safe place to vent, & someone there who can control both the tone of the conversation and the actions. I've had my fair share of freak out moments, some of which took place in front of my kids & that I'll forever regret! Yes children are resilient, however things stay in their memory as well.

    As far as his fear of yall losing things? You may or may not. At the end of the day it's better to have you sober, clean, and Alive vs a life full of material crap without you. Hang in there. I wish you all the best!
  2. Cmenot
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Great courage to do what you did! A huge first step in asking for help. Your husband feels hurt and is reacting to that. Give him time, tell him you need your friend back and he can be pissed off later. Everything will work out, especially if you keep your eye on the prize and stay sober!
    I'm sorry your workplace didn't back you up, but if you have health insurance, they cover rehab. You might want to attend some meetings-it will look better to the board if you are actively seeking help. Pretty heartless to fire you.... everything happens for a reason, life has another plan in store for you. You might some day look back on losing that job as the best thing that ever happened to you!
    You are very brave....hold your head high!
  3. BeachWalk
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    I don't know what more I could possibly add to the wonderful comments so far. Please know that you took the first step in getting better by being honest with yourself, your husband and your job. There is no way we can be free if we keep secrets, lie or conceal. It takes so much energy and is so damaging.

    I'm sure everything looks bleak right now. Things will get better. I am certain your nursing skills can be put to good use once you're healthier and stronger. The important thing currently is to take care of your health. Right now that's your most important job of all.
  4. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    My marriage tanked and I began to abuse my pain medication. My underlying problem though was depression. Ask yourself WHY you were using and address it. Your husband needs to know why too. I second marriage counseling if possible.

    We are here for you.
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