The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 33

By Sleepynurse · Mar 12, 2015 · ·
  1. To everyone commenting and thinking about us thank you. It's times like right now when I'm alone that are that are definitely the most difficult. You just can't turn it off sometimes. So, again this site has helped me in some way to not feel totally alone.

    I do have people to be around but everyone thinks I want to be talking or something or they need to talk and it just ends in more sobbing.

    I told my kids yesterday and I would say it went as well as this sort of thing could go. My six year old really doesn't grasp it. I told her there were was an accident and daddy died. I had spoken to a child psychologist and he said kids her age cannot understand that someone would take their own life so that part can wait.

    She cried but then asked if a doctor would be able to bring him back. And last night said she could have an accident on her bike and be with him again. :'(

    Then she said, "well now, you just have to find a husband but he has to be nicer than daddy."

    I almost lost it then but I stayed strong.

    His whole family came over yesterday which I was absolutely dreading but his dad held me for a long time and told me I made his son happier than he ever thought he could be and alive a lot longer than anyone thought he would be.
    And his mom told me she believes he was really scared he was going to hurt/kill me and that is why he did it. To hear her say that helped me a lot.

    I KNOW it's not my fault. I just...Fuck. the kids wanted to look at pictures of him and someone put on a video that was taken right after our son was born and that was too much. I had to leave. My son's birthday is tomorrow... our son isn't going to remember him and that destroys me.

    I'm going to my outpatient rehab today and then I'm not sure. I have so many phone calls to make about financial stuff. Feels very overwhelming. One task at a time.

    Thank you from every part of me for being here,

    Amy, the sleepy nurse.

Comments

  1. BeachWalk
    Your 6-year old daughter is a very wise little girl. Out of the mouth of babes comes true honesty.

    I am so sorry for your pain. If he was truly going to cause you further harm then I am relieved he did not have the chance. However, I just wish it didn't have to come to this. Obviously, he was very emotionally disturbed, distraught and depressed. It's a sad situation all around.

    I'm sure you're overwhelmed right now. Try to let others help you to relieve some of the burden. You can only do so much.

    with love and a hug to you Amy,
    beachwalk
  2. Jungledog
    Thinking of you. I know this time must be incredibly difficult. Just wanted you to know you are in my prayers.
  3. Cmenot
    I am so sorry for your family's loss! Its just heartbreaking. Keep puting one foot in front of the other.
    There was nothing you did or didn't do that could have provoked or prevented this. Its wonderful that his family comforted you. You and the children will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  4. The Cats Dream
    Just wanted to add my condolences. Been keeping you in my thoughts.
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