The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 34

By Sleepynurse · Mar 15, 2015 · ·
  1. Hey everyone, I cannot express how much your thoughts mean to me. I'm having a really tough time, which I imagine is completely normal. Today I've mostly felt numb/empty. Absolutely everything reminds me of him/what he did.

    My feelings oscillate quickly between mostly anger and sadness. Today was the first day I didn't go to our home at all which I think was good. Also, the first day I haven't cried (yet). I don't know if I'll ever be able to live in that house again. He hung himself in our daughter's bedroom... fucked up, eh?

    Even if he hadn't done it there I don't know that I'd be able to go back, so many memories, good and bad... I don't know. I'm nit truly worried about it right now. I dunno. Just feel very weird right now, very on edge, too.

Comments

  1. prescriptionperil
    God, I'm so sorry, Sleepy Nurse. Oscillating from anger to sadness is part of the grieving process. You likely are contending with PTSD after the horror of this ordeal.

    What a terrible turn of events. Did he show signs of depression? Yeah, I find the scene of the suicide rather fucked up too.

    May he RIP.
  2. Jungledog
    Sleepy,

    My heart goes out to you. Nothing in a suicide makes sense. We try to make sense of it in an attempt to give it meaning or context but making sense of it is impossible. I lost a family member to suicide. I was angry about it for a very long time.

    Your husband was depressed and depressed people simply are not thinking clearly. A rational person would not do it in the first place. Sometimes people kill themselves in locations "close" to those they love. Weird and totally fucked but he may have been thinking about how much he loved his daughter and chose her room as a place of comfort. For you, leaving this place is probably best and will help bring closure. From what you have said, your husband was suffering deep, deep hurt that he was unable to process and he took his escape. Perhaps he did do so to protect you and his children from his anger. Hold onto the love that was there. Yes, there was anger and violence but there was good too. Use the good to move through your healing.

    I hope my statements do not hurt you. That would never be my purpose. I send you all the love in the world Amy, all of it.
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