Thanks, GC. It can be really difficult to see everything from a perspective outside of my own. Or not clouded by memories and emotion.
Went jogging yesterday and again tonight. Feel awesome in that regard. But can tell I'm pretty depressed. I just don't want to take care of anything. I paid most of the bills but didn't inform the companies that Bri died yet. I will eventually. Still just feel overwhelmed by everything.
It doesn't help that last Friday my mom decided she was having a mental breakdown and checked herself into a psych facility here... I know she's having a hard time with Brian's death but I need her. Fuck. So I've been pretty much alone with the kids 24/7 since last Friday. Did a lot of housework and getting rid of stuff but still so lonely and stressed!
I really wanted to use something this afternoon because I felt so bored. Not my DOC but just wanted to smoke a bowl of some mj. I didn't and I'm glad I didn't because I doubt I would have run but I still hate that I get tempted.
I really want to go camping with friends. It's beautiful here right now; it'd be perfect. I'd also like to take some mushrooms on hypothetical camping trip but I can't fuck anything up with my nursing probation. I think I'd be fine but just not worth it right now.
Just my post-run musings. Doing okay, guys.
The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 45