The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 45

By Sleepynurse · Apr 3, 2015 · ·
  1. Thanks, GC. It can be really difficult to see everything from a perspective outside of my own. Or not clouded by memories and emotion.

    Went jogging yesterday and again tonight. Feel awesome in that regard. But can tell I'm pretty depressed. I just don't want to take care of anything. I paid most of the bills but didn't inform the companies that Bri died yet. I will eventually. Still just feel overwhelmed by everything.

    It doesn't help that last Friday my mom decided she was having a mental breakdown and checked herself into a psych facility here... I know she's having a hard time with Brian's death but I need her. Fuck. So I've been pretty much alone with the kids 24/7 since last Friday. Did a lot of housework and getting rid of stuff but still so lonely and stressed!

    I really wanted to use something this afternoon because I felt so bored. Not my DOC but just wanted to smoke a bowl of some mj. I didn't and I'm glad I didn't because I doubt I would have run but I still hate that I get tempted.

    I really want to go camping with friends. It's beautiful here right now; it'd be perfect. I'd also like to take some mushrooms on hypothetical camping trip but I can't fuck anything up with my nursing probation. I think I'd be fine but just not worth it right now.

    Just my post-run musings. Doing okay, guys.



  1. cren
    I think the home shouldnt be a priority. It would be good if you could one day leave that place and start a new life in a new house without all the memories. I think so long as you have a job, and a roof over your head things will get better, they have too. I know you dont need the stress of loosing your house or even the stress of having to moove especailly with children but it could be an opportunity for a new start. I am not saying moove but I am just saying one day you might not want to be there anymore. You have been so strong through all of this. I think you need to do something good for yourself, hopefully camping will help give you a bit of a relief
  2. Jungledog

    You need support right now. Does the board offer counseling? Is there a free counseling service available? What about your sister or friends?

    Your need to stay busy is normal. Avoidance is a normal part of grieving but know it will go better and faster if you face it head on. Notify the companies. Not doing so just prolongs healing because you still have to deal with it next month.

    Moving is another whole matter. For you, moving might be best but honestly packing up just adds another layer of stress. Kids do better with consistency. Moving will be difficult for them. But if it is necessary, you just need to stay strong for them.

    Have you considered treatment for depression? The opiates plus alcohol plus the extreme stress you are under can really screw your neurotransmitters.

    Love to you. Keep exercising!!
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