The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 46

By Sleepynurse · Apr 15, 2015 · ·
  1. Ahhhhhhh. Okay that was my long sigh, just getting it out of the way.

    Yes, I've been MIA at least from updating here. I'm sorry. I've been so, so, so deeply depressed the last couple weeks. It was taking everything in me to get up and fix the kids breakfast in the mornings. I actually called my daughter out of school a couple days last week because I just couldn't leave the house... :(

    Ashamed to even write about it but... Most of us know what it's like to be in those dark places and how hard it is to pull yourself out. My mom finally came back from the psych facility and so she has been helping me again as of yesterday.

    That has made a big difference as I was actually able to go to a meeting last night (where I received my 90 day keytag, w00t!) and just being around people was a huge boost to my mood and hugs are always nice, too, haha. I consider my meetings my weekly hug sessions. :-

    So anyway, this morning I finally woke up with a little pep in my step. Took care of a TON of stuff that isn't necessarily important but needed to be done. Went and applied for my survivor benefits for me and the children. With that and me waiting tables a couple nights a week, I should be good with our monthly expenses. I'm getting a very tiny amount of life insurance and it should be enough to pay off one of our vehicles and my student loans so that will be hugely helpful.

    I'm really wanting to go back to waiting tables, though. I want a job. I'm not ready for nursing emotionally and, also, the time away from the kids makes that option currently not feasible. It would be ridiculously hard to find childcare that watches your kids for 13 hours a day, or overnight...

    So the best option to me right now seems to be waitressing. The hours will be perfect as a single mom and I can work as much or as little as I need. It's very social so that will be good for me, as well. I can work on finding "a new husband" as my six year old tells me daily I need to do...

    Also, went to the gym again today and had a great run. I really hope I've turned the corner on my depression. These last couple weeks were really, really bad... Lots of self-destructive thought patterns... :(

    Amy, the Sleepy Waitress?


  1. Scloud90
    Yeah its good to get out and do stuff. I was at a meeting last week and people were talking about times like that and how a lot of us would rather just kind of wallow In it, even if it's depressing.

    But once we get out there and go to a meeting, go see people, or just get out and do something productive... it's amazing how fast we go from not wanting to do it to being glad we did.
  2. cren
    sometimes you just have to let yourself be in a bad place for a while. I am glad that you updated. And I am glad that you have survived it without any relapse. I hope having your mum will help. There is alot of love going your way
  3. Jungledog
    Sounds like you are doing what you need to do however painful it is. It will pass but of course those words do not make it better. Finding a new husband seems logical to your child as she just wants her life to resemble what she had before. You know grieving that loss needs to come before a new relationship. Take your time.

    Love to you.
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