Yeah, JD, trust me I'm fucking terrified of being in a relationship. And I understand why my daughter constantly says this. She's really really missing daddy. It's terribly sad.
TMI, maybe but yeah even sex with someone else really scares me. Anytime I've had "me time" since his death, he comes to my mind and then I have inevitably pictured him dead... it's so fucked. I try so hard but my mind is stuck on this.
I was already feeling pretty horny before he passed but I still kind of figured we would have sex again at some point... it didn't freak me out to imagine him. But now... what am I supposed to do?
Definitely not trying to talk to anyone until this gets better. My first time is going to be pretty weird anyway and I would hate to scar someone by crying or otherwise behaving weirdly during sex...
But anyway that's just sex, the really scary part that I'm definitely not ready for is an emotional connection to someone else and I know my "picker" is broken. Have very bad judgement which I know stems from my low self esteem. So definitely trying to work on that.. :/
The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 47