The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 9

By Sleepynurse · Jan 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    I completely agree with both of you. We had a huge argument about me going on antidepressants but I told him I would be doing what works for me. I've be on welbutrin in the past and it works amazingly well for me.

    My hubby, had a hard time in his life, too, and was forced to take prozac and effexor. I can understand why he was unhappy and I've tried to explain how there are many different drugs that are nothing like those two drugs! But he just doesn't want to hear it. It makes me really sad that this is something we've been fighting about. I tried to explain without sounding snotty that I AM a medical professional; I have an understanding of pharmacology and I've seen different patients on different meds and heard their stories.

    The more and more I ponder everything, the more worried I'm becoming that I first started drinking nightly because I just didn't want to "mentally" be around him. Over the years he has slowly taken away every friend I've had and I'm not someone who easily makes friends due to my shyness.

    I'm remembering the fights that would happen if I asked to go to a friend's house when he got off of work. He would lose his shit and ask why I couldn't have seen them during the day while he was gone. And then he would continue to talk shit about these friends and tell me why they are not good friends for me to have (none of these friends drank, used drugs or even smoked BTW).

    Eventually, I just stopped asking because I didn't want the fight. Physical abuse was common in the beginning of our relationship but I just tried to justify it as "he's had a stressful day and he's trying to quit smoking" and to be totally honest, I AM a feisty fighter. I never know when to quit even when I've been choked out or knocked out.

    So I think part of me just gave up, totally. I realized I could try to see friends and have a fight or I could just get drunk and be content.

    Not trying to villianize him, truly. He is an amazing dad and we haven't had a physical altercation in over a year and that one was very mild.

    I tried to speak about some of this with him last night but he completely denies that he ever restricted me from seeing certain friends (friends who happened to be my BEST and oldest friends).

    Anyway, I know how it goes when you are feeling angry and it's hard to remember the good. I'm not trying to think only of the negative, I'm just trying to take an extremely honest look at how I ended up here.

Comments

  1. BeachWalk
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    I'm sorry but you need to get away from this man. Physical abuse is NOT ok and I hope you can realize that as you get off the drugs. It sounds like he is controlling, possessive and manipulative. And he was "forced" as you say, to go on anti-depressants. That is disconcerting to say the least. I hope you can realize the seriousness and danger of being with a man like this. Please go to the meetings without him if that's even possible.
  2. Monkeygirl
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Sweetie,
    I think the next few months are going to be a significant time of growth and change for you. It's going to be rough but has the potential to be very liberating as well. I hope you will embrace it even when it hurts.

    You are a smart cookie. It's time for you to take care of you. For yourself and the kids. He should not be a huge concern right now. He's an adult and can take care of himself.

    Please keep reaching out to people: here, a counselor, at SMART.

    If you want to talk, please feel free to DM me.

    Always,
    Monkey
  3. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Sleepy,

    Well you have had to complete enough courses on domestic violence to be more than aware of the situation you are in. I wondered by the statements you made if you were in an abusive relationship. (Remember that verbal abuse and isolation ARE domestic violence. Hell, these things are actually worse than physical assault. Physical wounds heal much quicker than emotional ones). While addiction is a mental illness, not everyone actually has a continuous addiction issue. For many, once the underlying cause (depression and bad marriage) is resolved and treated, the addiction doesn't return. I am proud of you for being honest with yourself. This process is not easy.

    OK. So here comes the healthcare provider in me...please reach out to someone who can physically and emotionally support you. I suggest counseling, treatment of the depression, and perhaps the advice and support of your local woman's shelter. No, I am NOT telling you to leave. People fail to realize that violence can actually escalate when a woman tries to leave. What I am suggesting is that you reach out to find out your options (legal and otherwise). Again, this is VERY important from the view of the courts. You being a victim of domestic violence very much changes the way the courts would see all that has transpired. Get the support and treatment you need. You deserve this.
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