Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.
I completely agree with both of you. We had a huge argument about me going on antidepressants but I told him I would be doing what works for me. I've be on welbutrin in the past and it works amazingly well for me.
My hubby, had a hard time in his life, too, and was forced to take prozac and effexor. I can understand why he was unhappy and I've tried to explain how there are many different drugs that are nothing like those two drugs! But he just doesn't want to hear it. It makes me really sad that this is something we've been fighting about. I tried to explain without sounding snotty that I AM a medical professional; I have an understanding of pharmacology and I've seen different patients on different meds and heard their stories.
The more and more I ponder everything, the more worried I'm becoming that I first started drinking nightly because I just didn't want to "mentally" be around him. Over the years he has slowly taken away every friend I've had and I'm not someone who easily makes friends due to my shyness.
I'm remembering the fights that would happen if I asked to go to a friend's house when he got off of work. He would lose his shit and ask why I couldn't have seen them during the day while he was gone. And then he would continue to talk shit about these friends and tell me why they are not good friends for me to have (none of these friends drank, used drugs or even smoked BTW).
Eventually, I just stopped asking because I didn't want the fight. Physical abuse was common in the beginning of our relationship but I just tried to justify it as "he's had a stressful day and he's trying to quit smoking" and to be totally honest, I AM a feisty fighter. I never know when to quit even when I've been choked out or knocked out.
So I think part of me just gave up, totally. I realized I could try to see friends and have a fight or I could just get drunk and be content.
Not trying to villianize him, truly. He is an amazing dad and we haven't had a physical altercation in over a year and that one was very mild.
I tried to speak about some of this with him last night but he completely denies that he ever restricted me from seeing certain friends (friends who happened to be my BEST and oldest friends).
Anyway, I know how it goes when you are feeling angry and it's hard to remember the good. I'm not trying to think only of the negative, I'm just trying to take an extremely honest look at how I ended up here.
The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 9