The Demon Says

By angelraysmehigher · Apr 15, 2019 · ·
  1. Take my hand come walk with me,
    For a ride so good and soon you'll see.
    In seconds we'll be flying, high for hours,
    Coming back down though often proves sour.


    I promise it's ok cause back up we can go,
    That feeling like shit we can fix you know.
    See all your pains I can take them away,
    You won't even realise its gone another day.


    So fast time flies when you joyride with meth,
    Days pass by and soon you near death.
    Never alone though I promise you this,
    I'll stay right beside you for one final kiss.


    Even when I hear all those thoughts in your head,
    'I'll keep playing a while, I can put this to bed
    Or maybe next month right now this is fun,
    I'll use again today but tomorrow I'm done.'


    But now you’re with me and your soul is mine,
    Don't say it's my fault when you crossed the line.
    You knew I was no good you heard them all say,
    Don't ever try meth just stay right away.


    It'll control and take your mind to dark places,
    Isolated and lonely, fearing crowded spaces.
    It'll ravish your body and take all your money.
    Living life lost, in a realm far from sunny.


    But still you gave in so weak to temptation,
    Escaping your pain to play in my creation.
    Don't deny you liked it when you came back for more,
    No trick did I play for you to knock on my door.


    I only offered my hand when I heard your crying,
    You made the choice so to yourself stop lying.
    Cause deep down you know you're inlove with me,
    It's no secret and soon the world too will see.


    Don't worry my child when they all find out,
    I'll still be with you in that there's no doubt.
    Ill curl up beside you and hold you tight,
    For all of your days but especially at night.


    Even when you curse and hate on my name,
    I'll be who comforts your despair and shame.
    Feeling regret for the things you threw away,
    Too late for that, you chose to walk my way.


    So dust it all off there's work for you to do,
    Lying and stealing from those who loved you.
    Hush now, don't cry go and wipe off those tears,
    This is just our start of many wonderful years.


    ~

    Personal disclaimer: I've never stolen or cheated to get on and I don't fear my real world discovering my addiction anytime soon, just self scare tactics I guess.

    Anyway, here's to Day 1 of round two sober.
    Goodnight DF.

    About Author

    angelraysmehigher
    25 yr old meth user trying to beat my addiction and repair the broken pieces that have become my life.
    My 5 years of mostly rec. use turned addiction when I began using daily from the start of 2018.
    I started this journal to express my unspoken thoughts, emotions, conflict and turmoil from my addiction and toxic relationship with meth. I hope one day it ends with a golden finish.
    TEDHITZEMUP, S. Wymm and Jack Davis like this.

Comments

  1. JaneDeux
    Day 1, Round 2

    Happy to hear that, rally your strength and determination. Let us know if we can help.

    Be well, Jane
  2. Elliza
    I'm here with you. I'm quitting also. Determined this time. I have faith in you.
  3. Hopeless78
    @angelraysmehigher Glad to hear, I knew you’d be trying again soon enough - lots of luck & positive vibes your way girl x
  4. jazzyj9
    It's really interesting people associate demons with meth use. That's how I used to think of it too. I once had a hallucination on meth that my soul was being taken to hell. It was freaking scary. It was like my body was animated by another entity when I was high and "I" was not there. It was very very unpleasant for me towards the end of my addiction, one of the darkest periods of my life. Something I would never revisit.

    I do really like your writing and think you could go far in that area as a career. I have complete confidence you'll be ditching meth entirely. You'll kick that demon to the curb and not look back.
  5. Jack Davis
    I'm really enjoying your poetry, keep it coming. I've found that addiction has inspired me artistically even more than the high at this point. Inn fact I've written plenty of dreary songs about it, maybe I'll share them with the forum sometime since I wouldn't want to show anyone in real life.
      jazzyj9 and angelraysmehigher like this.
  6. angelraysmehigher
    Thanks everyone for your supportive comments!
    I'm determined to kick this filthy habit, no matter how hard it gets.

    I'm tired of feeling weak and I'm tired of slowly dissolving into 'that girl' who used to have her shit together and paving her way cause she knew what she wanted and nothing could stop her.
    But mostly I'm tired of being stuck cause it's easier to mope in somewhat of a 'comfort zone' rather than breaking the barriers in search of growth.
    Time to get uncomfortable.

    And @jazzyj9 I think you were on the money about getting bored of meth eventually. The last lot I had was so dissapointing and suddenly foul tasting I had to clear my mouth with Listerine and just threw the shit out. I've never been one to toss my stash either, no matter how horribly it was made, I'd spent money so it was never getting tossed. But that changed.

    Thanks again everyone, feeling a lot more positive and capable this time!
      jazzyj9 likes this.
  7. angelraysmehigher
    @Jack Davis I hope you are comfortable to share one day! I look forward to reading them if you do. I had a member post a message saying my journals may have saved them from a meth addiction. I was very touched to read that.

    I started this journal solely to express the shit I couldn't share with my immediate relations. I'm grateful it's been able to serve more than just my own feebleness. You never know who you might impact in the process!

    Feeling very grateful today. Grateful for all you guys and your undying support and so grateful for DF!
      rj95, Hopeless78 and jazzyj9 like this.
  8. Sucka_fresh_Brad
    ooooooooooo no good
      angelraysmehigher likes this.
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