The detoxes and relapses of a major Heroin and Morphine addict - Part 101

By Mr Bumble · Jan 7, 2015 ·
  1. Re: Detox from massive IV morph/heroin 2.0, skip to post 169 for the latest detox

    I can sleep, about 5 hours a night but the dreams I have and the headaches mean I wake up feeling worse than when I went to bed.
    This is made even worse by this illness. For the last 4 mornings I have woken up dehydrated as I've been breathing through my mouth all night, feeling weak and woozy.
    I'm barely eating anything but then I'm not really using any energy. I kind of wish I wasn't self-employed and had somewhere I "had" to be. Feel like maybe I'd force myself up and out then?
    I had enough money put aside for Christmas but that's long gone and if I don't get back to work soon I'm in trouble. My nose is sore from blowing it and my body feels weak. 4 days and I still feel like I'm getting no better :(

    Mr Bumble added 676 Minutes and 55 Seconds later...

    Well I think this flu is finally starting to ease off, my nose and eye's have stopped streaming at last!


    Good thing to as I've got to go check out my daughters nursery tomorrow. My ex took her for her first day this week and she thinks it's not very well run, so I want to go and take a look before we try and leave her there on here own.


    Been thinking about all the reasons I've relapsed before, and I think it's worth noting that although we get desperate to get clean when we're on the junk, sometimes we're desperate to get back on it. Because there are legitimate benefits sometimes, not saying that they out weigh the negatives, far from it, but I think it's wise to be aware of what these are so we don't trick ourselves back into using.


    Many people here have legitimate pain problems, so of course there's going to be some benefits around opiates here. Thankfully I don't fall into this group. But there are still things I find easier on drugs. Take illness for example, generally it wouldn't matter to me, I’d still be up a the crack of dawn shooting drugs which would get me through whatever business had to be handled that day.


    If I take opiates and relax, then sure I'll goof out like anyone else, but generally I find heroin/morphine gives me energy and strength. I know that my first few weeks back at work are going to be a real strain on my body, a lot of the work I do is very physical and I'm going to struggle. So I'm preparing myself for that mentally, which hasn't been helped with this cold, but it has made me stay home until I feel ready as I don't want to add any undue stress.


    I'm not craving or thinking I will, I'm just be pragmatic and realistic, the 7 P's


    Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.


    Wish I could live my life by that as I really don't, but this time I am. Situations that may make me crave are to be avoided and if they can't be I'm dam well gonna have a game plan in my head ready to kick them in the nuts.


    Had a chat with my ex today, she brought up the subject of us seeing other people. It's been something we've avoided talking about or exposing each other to. Up until this Xmas it hadn't been something I'd done, and I really don't know if she has, don't really want to know.
    It is however something that will happen at some point, I suppose the only issue I'll raise is if she brings back some other Junkie wanker like me. I'm one of a kind anyway and she's not a drug user so that’s never gonna happen.
    I say raise issues, I mean brick him in the face till he gets his Junkie ass away from my daughter.


    I do love my ex, she's a great mother and friend, just something wasn't there any more. But because of this I do want her to be happy so hope she will meet someone who will treat her right.
    But having another guy spending time with my daughter is going to be difficult.
    Any other guys had to deal with there kids living with a new step dad or whatever? If so how did you deal with it?

    I came into this Detox and out the other side knowing exactly in my mind what I wanted out of life and what I was going after. But I should have known better really, fuck this is my life, wouldn't be normal without at least one storm brewing.
    Just when you think you've got it all worked out you get slapped in the face with a bit of reality you weren’t expecting. And the reality you seem to be throwing yourself headlong into, even though you keep telling yourself to hold back is completely unrealistic.


    Are we just selling dreams and breaking hearts? I said that to someone earlier who said it was beautiful sad. I'm sure these words are far to profound for me and am sure I've heard them before but google has come up with nothing, so unless someone can correct me I'm taking credit for them, fuck might even get them tattooed.


    What do you do when you know you shouldn't, and not just for your sake, because the reality is I stand to lose least and however cautiously you tread accidents have a habit of happening.
    Am I just a dream seller? Shit didn't come in to it with that intention, I talk a good game but I laid it all bare.

    About Author

    Mr Bumble
    35 years old and been an addict for over 20 years now. Detoxing I can do but staying clean is a battle I keep losing. I'll keep on fighting though

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