The non-edited version of my addiction - Part 3

By CKitten · Feb 14, 2015 · ·
  1. Thanks Avyctes- I do need the meds for pain but I don't know if "the man" will keep filling my script and not just push me into pain management.

    As for the depression and mental crud- it's hard to remember an unaltered happy me. Either I didn't care and zombie-fied, or was numb, or I felt so happy that it was fake. I wanted THAT to be real but nope. I can have such a cycle that in 30 seconds can go rage/happy/kill/happy. I have noticed that always, but just like you say- when the pain kicks in I am writing with scented coloured markers, sniffing all the way into deep crazy land. Toot toot on the crazy train!

    As for employment- I don't want to be a manager- I just want to be staff. I have 20 years (yup, that many) of management and employers are not hiring me as they think I will jump ship as soon as something better comes along. Just pay me to scan the groceries and be done with it!

Comments

  1. Avyctes
    "Just pay me to scan the groceries and be done with it!" -CagedKitten

    XDDD I think you hit the nail on the head!!

    I was so irritated that the 3 chains of groceries stores each had me do FOUR FUCKING interviews, even a drug test (saliva: I've been clean the last few months), and yet STILL DIDNT HIRE ME!! I wasted more gas money going to those interviews than I probably would have made on my first paycheck at any of those places. *rolls eyes*

    Fucking Ri-cock-ulous in my opinion.

    All-in-all don't let it get you down. I know that's the most used platitude in the world (you've probably already heard it a few times) but, irritatingly, its true: you gotten grip onto your sanity in one hand, happiness in the other, and never let go until the bitter end!! >:D Don't let this rubble of a society push its ideas of unfulfilled duality down your throat: "right/wrong" "happy/sad".

    I like to follow the Austin Osman Spare quotes:
    "And remember: you shall suffer all things and again suffer until you have sufficient sufferance to accept all things.”
    “The more Chaotic I am, the more complete I am.”

    & the Aleister Crowley quotes that works as a good "Fuck off society!" reminder:
    "Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
    "The supreme satisfaction is to be able to despise one's neighbor and this fact goes far to account for... (societal) intolerance; evidently it is consoling to reflect... (and believe) that the people next door are headed for Hell." ^_-

    If you need any support or anything, I know I'm more newish here than most, but feel free to message me anytime. ;) I could use a friend that understands Chronic pain & depression as well, since I just downgraded for the last 4 months from Opana's to NO PAIN MEDS... and not entirely by choice (fuck you medical insurance!) so.... ya: feel free to friend me on here and/or msg me any time. ^_^

    PS- So far, I quite enjoy your "rage/happy/kill/happy" cycle that seems to fill your posts with excitement, irritation, manic-happiness, etc. XD It makes for a great read & it parallels my own Hyperactive-Manic-Depressive-Raging personality. ;D
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