"the truth is really fuckin' out there" - addiction notes - Part 4

By polio vaccine · Nov 22, 2014 ·
  1. thanks, everyone, for the kind replies

    i wanted to make a post here for this item which bothers me.... i mentioned briefly in this megapost about how at some point i started noticing the lyrics and lifestyles of some of my musical and artistic idols were flat drenched in smack, and always had been. i often wonder if i pre-programmed myself to the values and experiences reflected in my choice art, or if it was my resonant personality which was attracted to the art i saw as representative of me? in either case, now that i know how to hear veiled references to heroin (when they call it a lover, a lady in red, a white lady, etc) and to see the double entendres behind certain meanings (like television's one lyric... "it's just a little bit back from the maaaain roooad" = registering for blood on the mainline), i find it difficult to find music i enjoy which doesn't have the same sorry story behind it!

    what seems worse is that nobody seems to write songs about conquering their addiction or being happy after the fact. they seem all too familiar instead... i worry i will confirm my fate for myself because i literally will not be able to think of how to do otherwise.

    unfortunately, opiates have always produced the beautiful, soft, simple sound i am so attracted to. whether it's lonesome canadian midnight caterwauling like neil young or leonard cohen, or chrome-polished hi-fi productions by m. ward or wilco, it's just gigabytes and gigabytes and gigabytes of junky laments and junky stories and junky narratives and junky bullshit... bob dylan, paul simon, andrew bird - even the guys who at first pass i thought i could rely on for purity are at bottom as devious as me!

    maybe rock & roll really is just the devil's music and there's no getting around that... after all, a quiet uneventful day doesn't really make compelling lyrics... but i wondered anyway if anyone has encountered this issue, and maybe found some other music which works for them instead.

    right now i am listening to a lot of ambient or instrumental stuff, like by brian eno or boards of canada, or traditional simple stuff like garcia-grisman or john fahey, i have a nice bela fleck album where he does some great chopin and other good stuff on his banjo, but for the large part i don't have any music with lyrics i really want to pound into my head. prior, i would have described my three favorite groups as being the velvet underground, yo la tengo, and neil young. clearly if i want to get away from junky music i need to get some new names in my roster. but how?

    hoping for suggestions, or at least to hear someone else can relate. it's a surprisingly big trigger to cravings for me.... like, i am absolutely in love with the "horses" album by patti smith.... but i used to shoot up to that album three times a day for several months on end, and now i just plain can't listen to it anymore.... it fucks my head up.

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