Of all the things I could have been,
I had to be a should’ve been.
Life is nothing I expected it to be,
I’m far from what I used to see.
Dreams and hopes one day I’d fulfil,
Now faded memories as I spiral downhill.
I never pictured this, no way not in hell,
But truth be told I’m under meth’s spell.
I want so much more and I want to be great,
But sometimes it seems that this be my fate.
I can’t comprehend how I was so naïve,
That I lost self-control and gave in like Eve.
But this is my story and mine it will remain,
I won’t let no drug trick or send me insane.
No battle I could face will be harder than this,
The war in my head for one last devil’s kiss.
Some days I can’t help but feel hopeless and empty,
All I ever worked hard for sold to meth’s tempting.
I’m lost and confused and feel like a failure,
I hope one day again I believe I’ll be greater.
I just wish I turned around when I had a better chance,
But like a fool I stayed and with the devil I still dance.
I’m tired and bruised my body needs to repair,
I try but give up and use again in my despair.
Sometimes I wish they could hear me crying,
Happy on the outside but deep down I’m dying.
Nobody else though not a soul except mine,
Can save me from the hell that meth designed.
One day I'll get there. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it will ever get better, some days I feel so beat and like giving up. I feel like I've fucked up so much already there's no point trying to heal. But those thoughts are just thoughts... They don't define me and won't dictate me. Today I used again, but I was disappointed by the low even though it was decent meth. I haven't really been going hard since I relapsed either, nothing like before so a bit surprised my tolerance is up so quickly already. But not complaining, it's a good thing.