Too Young For This Shit, My struggle with heroin. - Part 1

By dehollister · Sep 22, 2014 · ·
  1. For some background, I've been abusing opioids sparingly since I was 14 starting with codeine, morphine, oxy etc. At 17 I was put in a youth inpatient rehab by my parents, and I found it helped me deal with alot of life traumas and stuff like that but did not really help what so ever with addiction. Shortly after I got out I started injecting morphine pills, idk why the sudden jump to the needle Just thought I'd try it out. To be honest, I dont really know if I regret it or not. I want to say no, but I also really want to say yes. Since then I have been shooting heroin and sometimes morphine at least bi-weekly for a little over 2 years now. I'm honestly at my wits end with this addiction. It has killed any potential for growth for so long now and it pains me so much the things I could have accomplished with some of the best years of my life. I'm 20 years old now and still feel 18 inside and 80 years old on the outside. I really don't know where to turn. I can fairly easily get 1 or 2 weeks, my real struggle is staying off. PAWS really gets to me. I have a thousand things I could be doing but it's like I can't find the drive to do any of it in the early stages of sobriety.

    Anyways, friday was the last day I used. I've just been tapering myself off with percoset as I blew threw a half gram over the weekend. I currently need 2/day but im only taking 1.

    I usually max out around 250mg/day even with bi-weekly use I usually need at least 100mg to get where I want to be.

Comments

  1. curiousonlooker
    The psychological aspect of addiction is always the hard to deal with for myself as well. I find that I run to drugs as an activity to waste time or live as a different version of myself for a bit, so when I stop I don't know what to do with the timeline of a day, that day becomes anxiety ridden as "isn't there something I should be doing?", then I convince myself I wanted to be doing drugs or even having a cigarette, and then I have to fight myself to not smoke a cigarette.

    It's that emptiness of time, and truly that is filled with a deep sense of personally understanding the society around you and your place in the world because of who you were born and have become. Then taking that and finding your own expression of contribution to the world because of your outlook and answer to the above questions. One has to grow into these questions, as your answers will change multiple times throughout your life if you lead th life you wish. The early stages of adulthood though, immersion of experience and e posing yourself to as much variety as you can----opiates dull you, as does time, but if you spend the fire of your youth then you'll feel poor in opportunity when you're older, as you weren't participating with your peers and watching them grow and the large majority become brittle, so you won't know how to run your society/world because you missed out.
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