I've been putting off updating my journal as I know it's going to be a long post and it's hard to know where to start!
Firstly, I will thank immensely everyone who has sent messages of support my way during my decline and recovery. I really appreciate and value that.
Cren...True friends are hard to find. I am so very grateful for all the love you have shown me. Thank you
Tryhard...A solid mate is what you are. Your continued support and friendship is much appreciated.
T4K...The wisdom and persistence in trying to help me has been a blessing. I finally grasped letting go! Thank you my friend
I came home Sunday 6/10/14. After 5 months in rehab, it was agreed the program had taken me as far as it could and that getting back to life would help me more.
I got off the train and it was like a ghost town. The only noise was birds. The air felt clean and I felt more peaceful just knowing I was home. I remembered why I came up here to live.
Monday I started working on my house. A truck load of my possessions was stuck in Sydney and was delivered while I was away. I ripped the carpet out of my room and set up my bed...finally!
Since I came home I've been alternating working on making this house a home and developing a social life.
I've turned my sunroom into an art studio so I can continue with my art. I've taken up a community sewing lesson with other women.
I go for a walk each day to help get me out of the house. I've organized a dog to keep me company.
I've been socializing with women in my community. I've even been on a few dates with a really decent guy...wasn't expecting that so soon but it's definitely good.
I've learned so much from the Grow program. Unfortunately there is no group up here. I am looking into forming one.
My brain and body are back to functioning well. I feel great and it's good to be alive!
I've stopped ruminating on the past. Finally! I count my blessings, and I really am blessed. I know I'm valuable as a human. I am comfortable with me now. I know there are many good things to come.
I lost my license last month for 18 months. I had to front court for rolling my car in Dec 2013. I was on Xanax and methadone. I almost went to jail. I'm lucky to have gotten loss of license and a good behavior bond instead.
The biggest challenge at the moment is that my beautiful daughter isn't coming home. She is settled in school and wants to stay there. I respect her decision. I raised her to make good choices for herself and I'm proud of her for speaking up for her needs. I do miss her though.
In some ways it's such a positive thing for me to have this time to continue to develop my personal identity and rebuild my life. If I start to feel bad about her not being here I call or visit someone or distract myself with activity. I talk about it if I need to but I'm not over thinking it in negative.
I am so glad to be home, so thankful to be well and happy to be back on DF.
No longer opiated or battling...High on life...peace and love xxx