Fuck me!!! my head is a mess right now. Please help me, I need some support
I'm so sick of feeling like a fuck up. I'm a constant source of stress and disappointment to those who love me.
My sister just rang to ask if I have sent away for my birth certificate. I hadn't. I forgot. I still forget lots. I still have short term memory loss. She needs my birth certificate to change my daughters name. It's important to my daughter. I've been meaning to do it. In my addiction, I didn't get to it. Now I get a call at 7pm Friday night asking me if I've done it. Yet again, I have to admit I'm a fuck up. I tried to do it online but I need to attach 3 ID documents. That's fucking impossible at 7pm on Friday night with no pc. Now I get a message 'we need to talk'. Oh, fuck me! Let's talk about how much of a fucking failure I am. Great.
Not traveling well in general at the moment. Scared. Feeling inadequate. Unsure of self. Picking holes.
Main problem is, I'm a hormonal fucking mess at the moment. Bit of background...i have had an Intra Uterine Device(IUD) installed for about 8 years. During those 8 years I've ceased my period. The only time I've bled is when I get my IUD changed and when I got off opiates.
Here's the rub...I first thought I was having some semblance of a period this week. I thought I was just being a baby about the period pain as I wasn't used to it. There's also my persistent back issues and I started the week thinking it was just that. As the week has progressed, I've become more in tune with what's going on.
My left side is more swollen and tender than the right. My lower back is sore constantly. My lower abdomen is cramping and sore. I am spotting blood. I am hormonal and a fucking head case...The only other time I'm this irrational is when I'm pregnant. FUCK!
So, I think I'm up the duff. I know my body pretty well. This isn't period pain or my back pain. It's different.
I'm well aware that speculation alone is not enough. I'm not here for a diagnosis...tomorrow morning i will be getting a test. I just need some support. I don't feel I can talk to anyone in RL about this.
I'm scared. I feel like a fuck up. I doubt myself. I'm struggling.