I've been fucking strung along again. I'm sad right now.
The guy I've been seeing for 2.5 months cannot think of one nice thing he likes about me. Not once have I received a compliment about me. I've brought it up subtly a few times. I tried to just get what I need from myself.
I started to realize that he was taking my assistance for granted. Thank you does not get said.
I have minded his child for 4 days in a row. Yesterday afternoon I said I needed him to have her as I needed a break. That was ignored. Disrespect.
Last night I instigated a discussion about all this. When asked what he likes about me, he has no answer. He looks as if I'm talking another language.
I have been like a puppy craving something that never came. Now I feel pathetic, dejected and insulted.
He isn't sure he even wants a relationship. I'm fucking wondering why he pursued me to begin with. A fuck. That's all. Wish he was honest about that from the start.
Instead, he fucking gave me enough to keep me craving more but not enough to feel secure. Now he pulls back.
I packed my bags and got on the train to go home. I stayed on past my stop and I'm almost in Sydney now.
I'm going to score. Fuck it.
I'm a fucking failure. My head is a fucking mess. I'm a disappointment to my family. I cannot provide for my own child. I detest being alone.
Heroin will make it go away for just a while. I cannot take all this emotional pain on top of the persistent physical pain.