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Went back on medications today.

  1. Im so stubborn about being bipolar, i just cant help it, bipolar comes with a huge ego when you become extremely manic, its exhausting, it makes my head and neck jerk around, sometimes my eyes go white, i sweat profusely, and sometimes start to leak straight out the vajaja...not fun.

    my shrink told me today those are called emotional seizures, i cant let that happen to me with so many kids to be responsible for, my 3 are exhausting enough as it is, and, they always come with friends, just the nature of being a parent.

    my anxiety is threw the roof lately, my divorce situation has really done a number on my nerves, and my mania, and to be completely honest , im having some severe PTSD symptoms from all of it.

    so, my shrink suggested today, as a bipolar 1, i should really learn to turn the emotion of defiance into compliance, and hate to say it, but im too damn tough for my own good.

    Bottom line, i can risk fainting and banging head, or passing out while driving. I could lose my kids. So, i had no choice but to go back onto depakote and olanzapine today. it sucks, but it is what it is.

    Ive started my dosage, and really hoping my manic mind will start to subside with each passing hour.

    Those are some powerful drugs, i was told depakote was taken off the market, but i shoulda done my own research, that guys full of shit, shoulda known better..

    Keeping my fingers crossed i dont gain a bunch of weight, but, i cant control that, but i sure will try ;)

    TaTa for now...

Comments

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  1. Lauritachu
    I'm glad your doing OK for now.. That's what matters. I am bipolar also but I tend to lean more towards the depressive side. But the times I've been manic.. I've had real problems getting over the shameful feelings that state of mind left me with. I wish the best for you!
  2. detoxin momma
    I appreciate those responses, im not too familiar with how depakote is going to help me, i never stuck at it long enough, im too damn stubborn and as soon as i feel better, i stop taking it, so im not going to do that this time.

    depakote is a mood stabilizer/ anti convulsant, so yeah, it does stop seizures, its only day 2, but i managed to get like 10 hours sleep last night, so its worth it.

    my main problem is racing thoughts, when your mind starts telling you things you would never normally do, and you have to talk your brain out of that thought process, it can cause a seizure, and thats whats getting me right now.

    bipolar, its a terrible condition to leave untreated.

    keep on keepin on, all we can do in this life.

    stay positive, my motto :)
  3. KratomKing
    Good luck, as much as I hate pharmacutical pills, they do work wonders on most people who really need them. I support your decision. Sadly that's the life we all live. Some go through traumatic situations while having to deal with the people around them, somewhat hiding their emotions. I would suggest find some strong emotional support, as I am sorry of your current situation. Just remember there's a billion+ people on earth, and SO many people could easily relate and guide you through your tough situations.
  4. Lauritachu
    Is the depakote for the seizures? Would she let you try topomax instead? I ask because my mother went through a lot because of depakote.. And I don't want to get into it because obviously some people have success with depakote. But if it is for the seizures.. I would see about switching it. Unless you don't want to of course! I know finding the right combination is so hard. Good luck to you!