Why this journal? Truth!

By paul152 · Apr 10, 2019 · ·
  1. I am writing this in search of the “truth”. On my journey I have discovered many of the truths I thought were real were actually not-truth. Not deep and complex philosophical truths like “people are good not evil”. I am talking about actual things like “I did x because of y” or even just “x happened”. This pre-dates my drug addiction.

    To be “accountable” to the “truth”, I’m trying to follow a couple rules as to how I structure this. In writing this, I am trying to overcome my natural tendency to enjoy the thrill of the tangent chase, the numerous metaphors to explain my metaphors (metaphorically speaking) and my substance-abuse altered timeline memory.

    So my structure:

    · Give the most accurate representation of dates, timeframes and durations as often as possible.
    · Write the “narrative” that exists in my brain in quotations. This is the story as I’ve been telling it to myself and other people. Full of ego-perception-inaccuracies.
    · Then unpack the narrative with context and reality. What actually happened?
    · Reduce dark and cynical humour; without completely drying out my natural tendency to humour (tendency, not ability).
    · I will follow the rules, I will not be documenting my drug-use. This concept is my documentation of my abstinence and my thought process to gain it.

    So really, I am looking for truth and order. Will it free me from my disease? I don’t know. But I do know that my mistruths are keeping me sick. With that said, I’m really writing this for myself and I will probably just write whatever I feel inspired at the time to write. But at least I’m trying.

    About Author

    paul152
    I want to recover from meth addiction.

    I have suspected Dissassociative Identity Disorder. It is only "suspected" and not "diagnosed" because only 3 of my ego fragments believe it and I have been too busy trying to fix my drug addiction to get diagnosed for it.

    Comedy is my go to defense mechanism. If in doubt, please default to "I was trying to make light of it", especially if it felt offensive. NB: Just because it wasn’t actually funny doesn’t mean I wasn’t trying.
    jazzyj9 likes this.

Comments

  1. S. Wymm
    Congrats on getting started, I really do look forward to hearing more. Until then, take care.
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