Write Off

By PastorFuzz · Mar 7, 2019 · ·
  1. Screenshot_2019-02-28-10-18-10.png View attachment 162494 3-6-19
    Howzitgoin everybody?
    I hope all y'all are havin a decent day that don't totally suck.

    My DOC has changed. I've actually remarked on the subject a few times lately. This DOC has an impact on pretty much all aspects of my humble existence and, in common with all of my chemical love affairs, it began years ago during my rebellious youth. It's a sporadic on/off, hot/cold, up/down kinda thing, sometimes servin as my DOC and other times rankin lower than the hielo, jalle, alcohol, frosted strawberry poptarts, powdered rhinocerous horn, or whatever other stupid fuckin trip I happen to be on at the time. But even when I'm clean, it continues to be a relevant presence in this toad's misanthropic existence.

    This DOC is my writing. I blame DF. I was in a vulnerable state and DF enabled me to take "pen in hand". Writing is one positive byproduct of hangin out here that caught me by surprise and feels like its specifically tailored to suit my needs and solely for my benefit.

    I thank you DF and all y'all who are part of it for givin me the means and the motivation to find my way back to the one dominant, fundamental, most fulfillin, meaningful, and upliftin essence of what I am. I'm just sorry that, like everything else decent that's ever appeared in my private hell, it's just a lil too damn late to make any real difference.

    There's a lotta parallels to be found between gettin high and gettin thots down on paper. For example; I've no tolerance for the slightest impediment to my writing, just as I hate anything that gets in the way of gettin high.

    And then there's the contrasts. To question whether or not you're addicted to drugs indicates that you probably are. On the other hand, to question whether or not you're a writer strongly indicates that you ain't.

    It ain't about proficiency. It goes far deeper than skill, technique, or tangible success, tho those can and should be relevant standards to a certain finite extent, much like the number of days clean in relation to one's recovery from drug addiction.

    It's about heart and soul.

    But for me, this heart of mine is simply a muscle which pumps chemically-fortified blood thru my not-quite-dead carcass, and I sold my young soul a half century ago to that white devil-monkey with its hateful tomato-red face and beady black eyes who clings to my back like a fuckin tumor, its bony fingers around my neck and its fetid, animal breath in my face, and, like i said, it's just a lil too damn late to make any real difference now.

    I scored me and Izzy each a gram of righteous street-ready jalle to commemorate my one month sans meth manana.

    Have a decent night, everybody View attachment 162493

Comments

  1. la fee brune
    I work through thousands of words of mediocre, uninspired writing every day, and I can tell that you have the “special something” that makes a writer great. It doesn’t matter whether your writing is technically flawless; what matters is whether it’s vital.

    It’s never too late to achieve creative greatness. History is full of examples of artists, writers, and musicians who didn’t achieve any recognition until later in life.

    I hope you’ll keep posting your thoughts and experiences here. I always enjoy reading them.
      jazzyj9, JaneGault and PastorFuzz like this.
  2. jazzyj9
    Don't give up PastorFuzz!!! You'll achieve your goals if you put your mind to it and your soul into it! You didn't trade your soul-you're choosing to escape your feelings instead of feeling them. If you've got bad influences in your life dragging you down, get rid of them, but don't give up. Your writing is great too!!!
      JaneGault and PastorFuzz like this.
  3. PastorFuzz
    I'm makin war on trees today, so I'll circle back around later, but I wanna thank you both. Writing may be the key to my salvation if such a thing even exists. I hadda article accepted for publication last week. A small step but a step nonetheless. Many hugs to you both. Y'all uplift me and make life a lil more worth living. Means way more than you know xo
      la fee brune and jazzyj9 like this.
  4. PastorFuzz
    Jeepers! What I expressed to LA fee & jazzyj includes everybody, hittin the like thingy, I'm grateful, grateful to anyone who devotes time outta their day to read what I've written. I'm thankful and uplifted, and I'm also kinda humbled when I see how many views some of my entries get.

    I'm gonna have to pay better attention to what I let post. As a writer-type person, I have 3 distinct styles and ways of doin things. As a dope fiend, I'm fucked up, comin down; a different buzz means a different fuzz.

    I think 4 or 5 people saw quite a different entry early this morning when I posted this. I'd been up all night, smoking weed, on the jalle, being a drug pig. It was way dumb. It was ridiculous. I'm glad I got it edited before the morning rush hour. Sometimes I play with words or take an idea to a preposterous extreme, lotta my rants are deliberately overdone lil bit, tongue-in-cheek; I ain't the fanatic some of my posts would suggest. I mean what I say, but I just turn up the volume or tweak it. Most all y'all can tell, right? I hope so. That ain't to say I'm innocent or excused from what I post. I'm wrong-headed sometimes, profane, childish, and just plain stupid. But that's me sometimes. I'm reluctant to edit that. I'd be presenting a skewed, unbalanced image of myself. I'd be fake. I'd be a liar. I shuda posted this and left it alone as an example of how dope fucks up a modestly intelligent mind, not that I don't do that a lot already. I gotta run. Many thanx all y'all. Y'all keep me going. I don't know what I'd do without you
      la fee brune likes this.
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