I blew thru 8 trees in just 2 days, movin fast, pushin hard, and I sustained lotta lil superfluous injuries, none of which meant shit, but the accumulation of which had me down for the count this morning. I overslept, woke up disoriented and groggy and stiff and sore, so I called my client to inform him that I'm takin the day off to regroup a lil bit. Fuck it.
Last night I lost my internet and restored it this morning. I found myself wonderin if I'd be missed if i should vanish, or would my absence even be noticed. I like to believe my tribe would miss me, some of them anyway, and others might breathe a sigh of relief knowin I'm gone. Still others, if asked, would probably say, "who?".
If I'm slow to respond and there are days when I'm away from the site, it's me catchin up on my writing. DF inspired me to start writing again. I'd put the pen down 6 years ago. Since going back to it I've completed one article that had sat on a shelf for 6 years and now has been accepted for publication in a trade magazine absolutely no one reads and few have ever even heard of. Boring to write. Boring to read. And now I gotta 2nd old project that's just an outline and notes. I gotta write it out and submit it, same kinda tedious vocational crap as the one they accepted, snore zzz.
I enjoy most of the writing I do here on DF, what I consider pseudo writing cuz of the format and the need to be succinct and expedient. Editing is kept minimal in order to keep it real and to keep it timely. But that don't mean I value it less than other areas of writing I engage in, or that I don't put much heart and soul into it. There's a few posts out there I've written in blood. There's posts out there I've tapped onto my screen with tears running down my face.
Actually, in spite of it's limitations, what I write on DF is by far the most fulfilling and most important work I've ever done. As I mentioned in an earlier entry; there's no greater gift one person can give another than relief from their suffering.
I can think of nuthin in regards to writing more beautiful than the feelin that comes over me when a person tells me that something I wrote made a positive impact on their life. I can't think of anything else I could ever possibly write that would be more precious to me than that.
The articles pay, and I write one every so often for one reason and one reason only; to shut people up. There is a school of thought which says I can't claim to be a writer unless I've had something published. Others say you gotta support yourself by your writing to be a true writer. I think it's bullshit. The only thing a person who claims to be a writer should be doing to justify their claim is write. That's all I believe is required to be a writer. Nonetheless, I wrote those articles just to have something in print; just to validate my claim to be a writer for the benefit of small-minded pinheads I don't give a rat's fuzzy ass about anyway. So, the few things I've had published and have been paid for are the works I least value. They're nuthin but dust in the wind next to what I strive to achieve with my pen right here on DF.
The only other writing project I have goin is (don't laugh) a novel. I seldom waste time readin fiction cuz most fiction sux. But I wanna write a novel.
Yeah it would be pretty cool to see it published. Yeah it would be great to make money off it. But niether money nor publication mean shit in regard to my motive for takin on such a huge endeavor. It don't really matter to me if anybody even reads it. And niether money or publication will be the criteria by which I'll judge my work to have been a success or a failure. I just wanna write it. And I wanna write it well. Nuthin more. If I can do that then I will have achieved what I set out to do. But I'll probably die before it's finished.
I write by hand in notebooks. I write every day, at least a line, or maybe I'll proofread, or revise, or research. I do something on it every day.
I do less dope now. Writing made that happen.
I'm gonna post this now. I hope all y'all enjoy a decent night. Be safe, everybody