My Last Stand against codeine

  1. Journal Description

    jakku inflictor.png The Battle of Years End


    The adversary:
    Codeine.
    5 months of daily use.
    maxing at 600mg p day in divided bi doses
    Tapered to around 240mg in quad doses
    Form: Solpadol 500mg APAP 30mg codeine CWE most of the time

    My weapons:
    Clonidine 100 mcg (28)
    Clonazepam (Klonopin) 0.5mg (11)

    My regular meds:
    Lyrica 300mg x2 daily
    Escitalopram 15mg once
    Mirtazepine 15mg nocte

    Me:
    25 y/o 65kg male, 5 years of drugs use, beginning with a hell of a lot of MDMA, LSD, new psychoactive RC (2ci,2cb..), Ketamine, and some other stuff. Have been away from all party drugs for about 9 months now. Have not drank alcohol in 9 months either.

    Have had one dependency and detox before, which was from a clusterfuck mixture of xanax, valium, alcohol and some other stuff. Did not go well but that was 9 months ago. Was sober for about 4 months and then slid back into active addiction this time with codeine. Started with N+ then progressed to solpadol.

    Gave up solpadol once about 2 months back, using clonidine and dxm, but shortly relapsed and have been struggling to taper and quit ever since.

    My other demons:
    Fairly severe panic disorder for the past 4 years with depression and low mood resulting from my inability to get even a slight handle on my anxiety. Drug use might have contributed to my anxiety, or it might not- but it's definitely perpetuating and potentiating it now.

    The Battlefield:
    A Golden Goose has gifted me with an opportunity to get off this shit. I have been living with my parents while working full time for the past 9 months and my home environment was entirely unsuited to any kind of detox. I tried to at home a few times but my parents became too angry and being sick or appearing anxious was not an option.

    They are going away for the long weekend, affording me this golden opportunity to make things right. I'll have the house to myself, a long acting benzo, an alpha2 antagonist, plenty of water and Black Mirror just dropped on netflix.

    War Strategy:
    Took my last dose of solpadol this morning at 5am. It is now 12:25pm. Once this all kicks off in a few more hours I will dose my first 0.5mg klonopin, and 0.1mg clonidine. I'll keep taking my regular meds of course at their designated times. I have written out a schedule of medications to get me through this and I will stick to it religiously to make sure I withdraw safely, in some comfort and without getting addicted to benzos instead. I'm going to flush my remaining solpadol now and cut off my access to more. Then I'll howl at the moon I guess.

    I'm going to try and keep posting here, day by day, fuck hour by hour if i need to. By monday I should be 4 days clean and over the hump, waking up into the detox malaise and PAWS. Waking up into a New year, off drugs and ready to go out there and reclaim the person i was meant to be.

    The Stakes:
    My job, my car, my life, my happiness, my health, my liver. I want my family to stop telling me i'm a complete fuck-up, I want to be a better, kinder, less self absorbed person with meaningful, real, experiences. And I want to move out. ASAP. It's all there I can practically see it..

    ps the image is of the Catalan people when independence was declared for 8 seconds earlier this year.