1. Dear Drugs-Forum readers: We are a small non-profit that runs one of the most read drug information & addiction help websites in the world. We serve over 4 million readers per month, and have costs like all popular websites: servers, hosting, licenses and software. To protect our independence we do not run ads. We take no government funds. We run on donations which average $25. If everyone reading this would donate $5 then this fund raiser would be done in an hour. If Drugs-Forum is useful to you, take one minute to keep it online another year by donating whatever you can today. Donations are currently not sufficient to pay our bills and keep the site up. Your help is most welcome. Thank you.
    PLEASE HELP

~1.5 years of abuse, so far

Discussion in 'Amphetamines addiction' started by iolite, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. iolite

    iolite Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    0
    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2016
    from U.S.A.
    bit of an intro: I'm a 24 y/o (queer) man, estranged from family since 16, nomad by nature

    I'd say the addiction started with MDMA (unless you count the socially acceptable caffeine dependency before that lol), and smoothly transitioned into an adderall fixation, due to living in a college town.

    At some point about 6 months ago I made the decision to start using at work to improve my performance, which worked. Got a raise in about a week, compliments and praise from managers, etc.

    It's gotten to the point where I have zero desire or impulse to be social or productive without drugs involved. All kinds of alarming things are occurring in my body that I'm afraid to acknowledge. My relationships are withering. My reputation around town is embarrassing, where before I was popular and well-liked. I made a lot of weird, uncomfortable interpersonal mistakes. I'm now at the point where I prefer to be high alone. from what I've been reading around the site, this is never a good thing. I also hide my use from my peers, even the ones I would normally use with - another never good thing.

    I've been suffering from depression since 15, I'm 24 now. When I went to a therapist in an attempt to gain an adderall prescription a few months back I was diagnosed with it (and luckily denied the script). Unfortunately, if I want to deal with the addiction and the depression by getting professional help, I'd have to go back to same office that very easily profiled me, and I don't think I could handle that.

    My plan is to leave this place and find somewhere new where there isn't as much shame to deal with while I attempt to recover. A new doctor, new social groups, and hopefully less access to amphs in the process.

    If anyone has any insight, I'd like to hear it. I recognize the pointlessness of this thread but I don't feel comfortable talking to any of my peers about this
     
  2. monkeyspanker

    monkeyspanker Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    560
    Messages:
    546
    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2012
    from U.S.A.
    Hey iolte, these are the two key paragraphs in your post. I don't know how big a city you live in but, you need to seek out another therapist, don't lie, explain how you crutch on amphs! They might not be the answer to your issues. A good therapist will help you work out your problems with depression.

    I hope you see what I'm saying here. As a gay man twice your age, it took me years to get over the pains of depression, yes, I took drugs...but,never let them 'get a grip' on me. You seem like you want that "Make everything better pill"...It does not exist, but, you do!! Only you can help yourself, be open to ideas/thoughts/motivation to wellness...

    Good luck to you buddy, look under the groups section of the forums when you log on and join the Queer social group, lot's of support!!

    M~
     
  3. Exiledhf

    Exiledhf Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    25
    Messages:
    9
    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2016
    from U.S.A.
    Friend, please seek professional help. Having drugs as a clutch is not a good idea let alone a way of effectively living life. It seems like your town is small. I like that idea of moving out and finding your own in a new place, with new people / therapists. You could also bite the bullet and go to that same therapist. They know you like drugs which is good in the grand scheme of things. They won't willingly prescribe you something, and so you can go the drug-free route of becoming clean and independent from drugs. Best of luck.
     
  4. ES22GOAT

    ES22GOAT Silver Member Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    29
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2016
    39 y/o from U.S.A.
    Take it from someone who has abused stims for 3 years almost - stop now and go on anti depressant and just ride it out - you will need will power and just remember the motto "time heals". - good luck.