a mother’s point of view on heroin,

Discussion in 'Opiate & Opioid addiction' started by lindapwallace, Jul 2, 2004.

  1. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    hi there

    i am a mother of a heroin addict....i have read your threads and feel really sorry for the state you are in...



    i loved my daughter and helped her with her addictions, fighting doctors for treatment, nursing her when she had thrown herself out of our top window just to get her drugs, everything i could do to help i did....



    i helped her to pay off the people that she got drugs from hoping that it would finish....she would cry and i would hold her...



    i went through all the hells she went through all in the name of love....

    i did this up till 2 yrs ago when her drugs started to affect my relationship with my fiance, she stole of him, stole things belonging to him as well....



    to cut a long story short, i had to kick my beloved daughter out....this nearly killed me, my darling beautiful daughter who i loved so much who would rather choose drugs than me...i ended up on anti depressants and sleeping tablets and i cried all the time and worried about her...



    i met her a few weeks ago and this was the first time we had spoken in 2 yrs, she is off drugs and has a flat of her own and looks brilliant...

    its called TOUGH LOVE and it was tough believe me.

    i pray every night that my daughter will stay well, positive and happy...



    please, please think before taking anything, i know its easy for me to say but i have been through hell and back and i wouldnt want your parents to go through what i have been through....



    drugs are a cowards way to live if you call it living, its an exsistance and that is all...you wait for your next score, you might have to steal to get it and, after you get your hit then what...need more drugs to keep going..



    take care what ever you do and please think about your future...

    bless you all where ever you are in the world.i am not a religeous person but i think you all need as many prayers as you can get..







    -------------

    lindap
     
  2. manda

    manda Palladium Member

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    I read your story earlier and was touched by it. How wonderful for you to have gotten your baby girl back!!! That is what every parent of an addict hopes for... Thank you for your prayers as well, I sense you really wish good for everyone.
     
  3. Alfa

    Alfa Productive Insomniac Staff Member Administrator

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    You've seen the most ugly side of drugs. But what do you call drugs? Cigarettes? Beer? Coffee? Most people won't, but they are. That's why I disagree with your words, when you say that drugs are a cowards way to live. You could just as easy say that plants are bad for you. Some are some are not. Nevertheless I understand what you mean. Thank you for your concern.
     
  4. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    yes, unfortunatly i have seen the ugly side of drugs...i live in a small town in scotland were drugs are used, i dont think there is a household that hasnt been touched with this epedemic....



    i smoke so i have an addiction, i drink coffee so there is another addiction but i dont drink beer...if i want a packet of cigarettes i dont steal to get them...if i want coffee and dont have any, then i either drink tea, milk or water, i dont steal for it...i dont need to go to dealers and i am not breaking the law...



    there has been a few murders in my town all because of drugs and that frightens me as we are loosing this generation to crap.



    i have spoken to ex addicts and they say that using heroin is like rolling yourself in a blanket of cotton wool, you feel safe and nothing bothers you, well not till you need your next hit....is that living???? i dont think so...



    i dont think you have to be brave to take drugs ie, heroin, you have to be silly.....



    instead of getting on with life, being happy, going out partying ect ect life stands still...everyone is moving on with their life's except you...



    although i have spoken to my daughter when i was out shopping, i spoke to her with barriers up so i couldnt get hurt from her...she knows the buttons to push and believe me she would push them....i would have loved to just put my arms around her and cuddle her showing that i still loved her but i couldnt, i couldnt risk being hurt....how i wish that one day i will be able to hold her and tell her that i love her but that wont be for a long time yet...



    you could read this and think "she doesnt know anything, how could she as she doesnt use" simple, i have seen the devastation it causes....



    please be safe and healthy were ever you are...

    take good care of yourselves and live...



    linda
     
  5. Partykid12

    Partykid12 Newbie

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    I feel for you and am happy you got your daughter back. But the reason you don't steal and break the laws to get YOUR drugs is because of one thing.. legality. Just because something is legal does not mean it's good for you, that is the biggest problem that people have. Like with alcohol for example, people think it's fine becuase it's legal, but the fact of the matter is... it's not. Alcohol is worse for your body than heroin itself. Good luck to you and your daughter.
     
  6. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    thanks for your reply..



    as you can see i still hurt over my daughter...i think about her every night, is she happy, is she clean, is she keeping well ect ect...when i met her i was so pleased to hear that she was clean and i just wanted to hold her but i couldnt through fear...if i got too close to her i would break down and i couldnt allow that to happen....

    how many mother's sisters and brothers feel the same...



    in my town we dont have a rehab for girls, they seem to think that boys need the rehab instead so when my daughter wanted to get clean, she had to do it at home with only my help and our doctor's with methadone...believe me, citgarette's played a massive part in her recovery as i think we smoked non stop when she was recovering.



    she eventually went on Naltrexone and eventually was clean but only for a while....



    i dont know how she has done it this time as i was not involved but she did it and i am so proud of her but again i always have that worry....how long for this time....



    please be safe and healthy were ever you are...

    take good care of yourselves and live...
     
  7. Alfa

    Alfa Productive Insomniac Staff Member Administrator

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    I think you know a lot as you have seen a lot. Please checkout http://www.ibogaine.co.uk/


    to see if this may form a solution for your daughter. In short trough this treatment an addict can come clean without the withdrawal symptoms. The results until now have been astonishing and very hopefull.


    I will move this topic to the recovery forum in a couple of days.
     
  8. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    thanks for your link, i read it with much interest and have saved it on my notepad...



    from reading what i did it seems that its not on the market yet which is a pity as it could help thousands of people....

    at the moment in britain, there is only methadone which in itself is addictive unless you are quite well off and can pay into a private clinic, that isnt an option for a lot of people...



    when my daughter was living with me during her drugs, to be able to understand what was going on, i had to read all the information i could get to enable me to help her, i am not joking when i say that my bedroom was full of literature on all types of drugs...



    as i said before, my daughter is clean and she looks really good but i still worry about her wondering is she is ok....i suppose worry will be something that will stay with me for ever....



    hopefully in time and sooner than later, this treatment will be given out by our doctors and a lot of people will be able to live their lives again....



    please be safe and healthy were ever you are...

    take good care of yourselves and live...



    linda
     
  9. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    hi again


    well since my last post i met my daughter's boyfriend in passing, he told me that my daughter was really upset as she had found a lump on her breast and is frightened just incase its cancer, he asked if i could write to her telling her to get to the doctor's.


    it took a while but i managed to write a letter but i had to keep all the emotion out of it and give her information regarding going to the doctor and saying that its probably nothing...


    my emotions were all over the place as all i wanted to do was to see her and cuddle her and love her, but, unfortunatly i cant allow myself that luxury as i could get hurt again.....


    i sit and think at night, "if only" i love my daughter so much but cant speak to her or see her just incase she uses me again and hurts me...


    her boyfriend is not the best person for her as i have been told that he is a user too but i cant say for certain.....


    if anyone can say a prayer for my daughter i would be so grateful....keep her in your thoughts.....


    thanks
     
  10. chronic777

    chronic777 Newbie

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    I tryd to reply to your message linda but it wouldnt let me, id like to help so maybe drop me your email again? The last one you gave me wouldnt let me reply.
     
  11. rachamim18

    rachamim18 Silver Member

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    Ms.Wallace:I can certainly appreciate your deep feelings regarding the issue.I too am a parent but instead of demonizing an inanimate object I choose to take a more proactive stance.


    Your daughter,whom I hope will contiue to enjoy stability,suffered not because of her ingestion of mood altering substances but because of inane and archaic drug laws.Society has alternating periods of acceptance and prohibition in regards to substance use.Unfortunatly for your daughter she came of age in an era of hypocrisy and ignorance.If substance use is for cowards then I certainly have never met a brave or corageous person.


    As an earlier poster noted,there are many psycoactive substances,many of which the most opposed prohibitionists cannot imagine living without[chocolate,tea,coffee,et cetera].It is an undeniable part of the human experience.While some certainly perfer one substance over another,we all need a crutch from time to time.


    Imagine,if you will,a world where your daughter did not have to suffer due to the illegality of her condition.If she was provided opiates at little or no cost she would never have felt the terrible need to rob your fiance.If rehabilitation was widely available to all people,regardless of gender or economic ability,she would have received timely assistance when she felt that she needed a change,not at the whims of an outmoded criminal justice system[although you did not specify your country of residence,all countries are pretty much equal in their outdated views].


    Unfortunatly yours will remain an all too common story until nations choose to stop trying to legislate and police morality.It is all a matter of perspective and I hope that you and your family will try and keep a balanced perspective....
     
  12. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    i am not too sure what your getting at with your post


    it is very hard to keep a balanced perspective when you are robbed and lied too by someone you love....i tried but it was very hard, now that my daughter is not living with me anymore i can see things in a different light were as when it was all happening it was as if there was only blackness and no way out.


    i live in britain were the law is that heroin and othr drugs are illegal


    its funny, i have a friend who knows my daughter was on heroin and you should hear her about it and it makes me feel ashamed but in the other hand her son uses canabis...but she says "that's ok, i mean its harmelss"even when i talk to her about it, her son has drug tests in work and luckly he has been ok but one night they will test and get the result which could lead to his dismissal..they dont like ANY drug.


    i hope for my daughter's future that she will be happy and healthy, i do miss her as we always got on really well but when drugs were needed, she would really turn the nasty side on which i knew wasnt her...


    i think we should have a board for parents of users of any type of drug as there is so much that can be done....i had to look for books on the subject and use my own initiative to gain knowledge were as parent's information shared would help others...


    take care everyone and stay safe and enjoy life..
     
  13. rachamim18

    rachamim18 Silver Member

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    My point quite simply is that we as humans tend to assign blame without really considering the subject at hand.Did your daughter do reprehensible things?Absolutely...but its my position that the illegality [and all that word entails] of drugs caused your daughter and your family so much grief .


    It is unfortunate that the woman whose son smokes cannabis "turns her nose down "at your daughters heroin use.No matter what substance an individual chooses to ingest,the ultimate outcome is the same:To alter ones consciousness.If you are going on a trip the route isnt of much importance--just the destination.People tend to put themselves on pedastels.
     
  14. Disturbed

    Disturbed Newbie

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    I am extremely happy for both you and your daughter. Drugs can take over your life VERY easily. Don't think I am trying to knock your post or anything but there is such a thing as willpower. I use opiates about once or twice a week. This may sound corny but I consider myself a professional or should I say smart user. As long as you do not over do it and make sure that you control the drug and not the other way around. I've stuck with this method for a while now and drugs have not effected my life at all. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as an asshole this is not my intention. I guess the main point is if you do not have the willpower to know how to control your usage of any drug it would be best to just stay away from them, because addiction can happen to almost anybody, I am just very fortunate to have control over them. Anyway, like I said I am happy for the both of yall it's great that she is clean because drugs were definately not for her. Take care.
     
  15. Ledus

    Ledus Newbie

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    I know people have covered both sides of this story quite well, but I would still like to say a few words.


    First off, I commend you for the love you showed in caring for your daughter and the strength you showed by taking the tough love approach when it was needed. That is a hard line to cross for many a heart broken parent.


    However, I must agree with some others, that a drug by itself is not all inclusively evil. I would never go so far as to say that someone is weak because they became addicted though. We all face different challenges in our lives, all have different fears and aspirations, and all handle things different ways. I will admit that I think most people should NOT do drugs. I have done almost every drug under the Sun in my quest to experience everything there is on this Earth, some in very large amounts, and I have enjoyed myself thouroughly. I also bungee jump, sky dive, travel, and study a variety of subjects. I happen do enjoy it all. Everyone must find their own path in life: some just never find the right one for them.


    To belittle, or look down apon someone because they choose to use drugs in their lives in wrong. It is much better to ask WHY they chose drugs. In your first post you mentioned that your depression was so bad at one point that you were on anti-depressants and sleeping pills. That was what you felt you had to do to cope with the negative emotions and energies of your life at that time. Others do the same with other drugs. The hard part is seeing the difference between using a drug as a way to escapeand a way to enhance. The line is thin...and very dangerous.


    Fortunately I can handle my drugs and still maintain a highly productive and enjoyable life. Some can not. I will NEVER think little of those people because I have weaknesses in other areas of my life....we ALL do. I wish that all people would be as lucky as I feel myself to be, and find the path that brings them a happy, and safe, life...be it love, sports, knowledge, or drugs. My blessings and best wishes to you, your daughter, and all of you.
     
  16. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    hi ledus, rachamim18 and Disturbed.


    thanks for your comments and i hope your all keeping well....


    my husband and i saw polly for the first time in ages and i must say she is looking really well and healthy,she was carrying a folder so i think she must be at college in our town......tough love was the hardest thing i had to do and didnt do it lightly,it was a case of "her or me" survival......i hope that she has found peace in her life and enjoying it....mayb tough love was the best thing for her to make her stand on her own 2 feet and not rely on me.


    i will always be somewere in the background of her life although she wont see me, and i will be watching over her.........


    my daughter really hurt me and tonight i just realised that her and i split up 2 yrs coming in november but it doesnt seem that.....the hurt is gone but the memory of what she did is there......


    i saw a boy the other day begging for money he was homeless and hungry and i knew he was an addict....a couple walking in front of me threw money at him but at a distance so that he would have to crawl to get it.....i gave him some money thinking that he was someone's son and when i caught up with the couple i heard them laughing with each other about the fact that the boy had to crawl and that they gave him 1p......i was really mad and let my feelings felt....


    why i am saying this, i felt affected by the boy...by going through what i did with my daughter i look at life differently and saw this boy not as an addict but as someone.,s son, a young good looking lad who has fallen into the trap of drugs.........i hope that he get's help when he is ready...


    take care of yourselves and i send you best wishes from scotland


    linda
     
  17. rachamim18

    rachamim18 Silver Member

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    Glad to hear of your daughters apparent continued success.I do hope that she continues to live a happy and healthy life.


    On tough love...Sometimes it really is sink or swim.I myself would have never matured if I had been able to continuously rely on the largess of family and friends.The important thing to keep in mind Mrs.Wallace is that there is the strong possibility that one day your daughter will come to an important self realization.She might one day seek a truly closer relationship with you and the rest of your family.Because of past experience I really pray that you will tend to be forgiving [in the case of a sincere turn around.]





    In any event it was good to read your post.Greetings from the South Bronx,New York City-The armpit of the world.
     
  18. Citizen Kane

    Citizen Kane Newbie

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    I don't know if you are
    still around, Madam, but I shall make some comments nonetheless, and be
    it only for others that might surf into this thread in future.



    Thank you, much appreciated. You should be
    sorry for us, because in a prohibitive society drugs are expensive. ;)
    *just kidding*



    I don't know what idea you have about "drug users," but I doubt there
    are many people on this board that have a drug problem. Really
    most people use drugs responsibly and in moderation, the same way
    almost everyone does with alcohol: drinking a glass of wine or two
    glasses of beer now and then. They just prefer other recreational
    substances over or in addition to alcohol. Most people here will
    have a prohibition problem (police problem) but not a drug
    problem. And those that do have a drug problem are not helped by
    adding a police problem to the burden they have to carry.



    I respectfully disagree, Madam. You might have done
    everything you have been aware of and you considered the best, but,
    living in the United Kingdom, you would have had different options.



    Dr. Marks runs a Heroin maintenance clinic in Liverpool which, by my
    fair judgment, is by far the most superior option for every heroin
    addict in the U.K. There she would have got clean heroin on
    prescription; and let me assure you that clean Heroin is not toxic to
    any organ system of the body. You can stay for decades on Heroin
    without any severe health implications. You can lead a productive
    life while being addicted to opiates. Benjamin Franklin was an
    opium addict. Dr. William Halsted, a leading surgeon
    and the founder of John Hopkins hospital, was a morphine addict.
    Hermann Goering was a morphine, heroin, and methadone addict.</font>



    If there are any lasting problems associated with the long-term use of
    opiates, then they are not well-documented, and are certainly not
    comparable to those of alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, or
    methamphetamine.



    In the words of Dr. Marks:



    Ed: This is a gram of 100% pure heroin, it is
    pharmaceutically prepared. On the streets it would be cut 10 to 15
    times and sell for about $2,000. But take it away from the black
    market, make it legal, and heroin is a pretty cheap drug. The British
    National Health Service (NHS) pays about $10.00 for this gram of
    heroin. And for an addict with a prescription, it is free.



    Ed: In Britain, doctors who hold a special license from the
    government are allowed to prescribe hard drugs to addicts. Dr. John
    Marks is psychiatrist who runs an addiction clinic just outside of
    Liverpool and has been prescribing heroin for years



    Dr. Marks: If a drug taker is determined to continue their drug
    use, treating them is an expensive waste of time... and, really, the
    choices that I am being offered and society is being offered, is drugs
    from the clinic or drugs from the Mafia.



    Ed: To get drugs from the clinic rather than the Mafia, addicts
    have to take a urine test to prove they are taking the drug they say
    they are. And unlike most other addiction clinics where you have to say
    you want to kick the habit before they'll take you in, addicts here
    have to convince Dr. Marks, a nurse and a social worker they intend to
    stay on drugs come what may. But does Dr. Marks try to cure people?



    Dr. Marks: Cure people? Nobody can. Regardless of whether you
    stick them in prison, put them in mental hospitals and give them shock
    treatment, we have done all these things, put them in a nice rehab
    center away in the country, give them a nice social worker and pat them
    on the head, give them drugs, give them no drugs, does not matter what
    you do. 5% per annum, 1 in 20 per year, get off spontaneously. Compound
    interested up that reaches about 50% (50/50) after ten years are off
    drugs. They seem to mature out of addiction regardless of any
    intervention in the interim but you can keep them alive and healthy and
    legal during that 10 years, if you so wish to.



    Ed: By giving them drugs?



    Dr. Marks: It doesn't get them off drugs, it doesn't prolong
    their addiction, either. But it stops them offending, it keeps them
    healthy and it keeps them alive.



    Ed: That's exactly what happened to Julia Scott. Although she
    doesn't look it, Julia is a heroin addict. For the last three years the
    heroin she injects every day comes from a prescription. Before, she had
    to feed her habit by working as a prostitute, a vicious circle that led
    her to use more heroin to cope with that life.



    Julia: Once you get in that circle you can't get out. I didn't think I was ever going to get out.



    Ed: But once you got the prescription?



    Julia: I stopped straight away.



    Ed: Never went back?



    Julia: No, never. I went back once just to see and I was almost physically sick just to see those girls doing what I used to do.



    Ed: Julia says she's now able to have normal relation, to hold
    down a job as a waitress and to care for her 3 year old daughter.
    Without the prescription, where do you think you would be?



    Julia: I would probably be dead now.



    Ed: Once, they have gotten their prescriptions, addicts must
    show up for regular meetings to show that they are staying healthy and
    free from crime. But how can anyone be healthy if they are taking a
    drug like heroin?



    Alan Perry: Pure heroin is not dangerous. We have people on massive doses of heroin.



    Ed: Alan Perry is a former Drug Information Officer for the
    local Health Authority and now a counselor at the clinic. So how come
    we see so much damage caused by heroin?



    Alan: The heroin that is causing that damage, is not causing
    damage because of the heroin in it, it is causing damage because of the
    bread dust, coffee, crushed bleach crystals, anything that causes the
    harm and if heroin is 90% adulterated that means only 10% is heroin,
    the rest is rubbish, and if you inject cement into your veins, you
    don't have to be a medical expert to work it out, that's going to cause
    harm.</font>



    [Source]</font>




    That's sweet of you. I can see that you are very
    concerned about your daughter.




    If Heroin would be legal, she would just
    have driven to the next pharmacy to buy it. It used to be
    available over-the-counter in form of a lynctus until the 50s and used
    to be as cheap as aspirine. People didn't have to steal, they
    didn't have to prostitute themselves, they didn't get criminal records,
    they didn't land up on the streets, their health didn't deteriorate,
    and they could lead productive lives instead of spending all their time
    and energy on contemplating on how to get money for the drug.
    Heroin addiction didn't make more impact on the lives of people than
    coffeine or tobacco addiction has on many people today.




    I'm happy
    for you that it worked out like this, Madam. I do not know the
    case and thus cannot say if your tough love </span>really
    contributed anything positive to her process to drop the drug.
    That might have been so in her case and on the long run; the general
    case it is not. You can lock up people or put them into rehabs,
    and it still doesn't help anything, as long as they</span>
    don't want to stop. If they do stop, then there are a bundle of
    reasons, and psychological, social, and personally motivating factors,
    over which a mother has very little influence.



    This tough love</span> policy can
    have the opposite effect; in general, it will deteriorate the addict's
    situation: potentially street life, prostitution, rape, violence,
    crime, prison, criminal records, lack of shelter, lack of proper
    nutrition, infections, deteriorating health, aids, hepatitis,
    depression, and so forth. What's the only thing that brings
    temporary relief of it? The drug. What is the social environment
    such people are exposed to? Primarily other drug addicts.
    If it gets too bad, people set themselves the "golden shot," and then
    you read the next morning in the newspaper that another teenager OD'ed
    on the evil Heroin, while in fact the prohibition and our politicians
    that are responsible for it have murdered them.



    If people hit "rock bottom," they could as well also decide to stop,
    for sure, if they still have enough strength and some support, but I
    wouldn't count on it. If she had killed herself or contracted
    aids, I doubt you would be here proudly telling us that tough love</span> is the way to go.



    Heroin withdrawal is greatly exaggerated. It is
    never damaging to an otherwise healthy body, and resembles more a bad
    stomach flu. You are over the worst in a few days. What people that go cold turkey</span>
    do suffer from is primarily not the physical side of it. They
    miss, above all, feeling nice, safe, and cosy, being wrapped into this
    warm blanket of perfect content and happiness. This is not only absent
    but replaced by the opposite psychological factors during withdrawal:
    severe depression, anxiety, irritability. Paired with the
    physical misery it doesn't appear to be worth it to go through hell for
    two weeks, if one can feel just great again in a few minutes with a bit
    of white powder.



    Once having been a long-term user, this Heroin</span>
    feel is now engraved in your daughter's subconsciousness. She
    absolutely loves it, she actually adores it, and she loves it most when
    she feels bad and depressed. Also, she knows now that she can
    break addiction if she really wants to -- she proved it, didn't she?



    Most ex-Heroin addicts thus will resort to Heroin again in their lives,
    depending on opportunity, social situation, and mood. This is, in
    general, not a problem, as, at least if it would be legal, Heroin by
    itself is not dangerous, and it also does not mean that they will get
    addicted again. The primary cause for Heroin addiction and
    readdiction is depression; that might well have been what made her use
    it in the first place. It's difficult to imagine depression for
    someone that has never been depressed; but if she is depressed, she
    might wish to try anti-depression medication, such as Prozac. It
    works for most people, albeit not for all. A practitioner will be able
    to give her and you more information.



    In case she should relapse to opium addiction, I would send her to Dr.
    Marks. That's really the best option you have in the current
    regime, and it will work for her, because she knows that Heroin works
    for her and she loves and trusts its effects.



    If you would
    be a millionaire, I would have said, just give her a bank-account with
    some hundred-thousands of pounds, and she'll eventually grow out of the
    habit anyway. If Heroin would be legal -- as it should be --, she
    could finance her drug by holding down a McDonald's job, on the other
    hand. And she would have no problem holding down a job.




    Thank you, Madam, for your interesting perspective and be
    blessed. I hope it works out to the best with your
    daughter. Opiate addiction is definitely not a desireable state
    if there are no severe medical conditions to justify it. Is it
    the end or the world or as bad as alcohol addiction, diabetes, or being
    married (*kidding*)? Surely not.[​IMG]
     
  19. manda

    manda Palladium Member

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    Dear Linda: You are such a sweet, kind, caring voice. I am so glad you are here.
    I think you should learn to hug your daughter again. It would help her immensely, and I believe it will help heal you. You are a mother. Do not fight your instinct to show your daughter affection.
    If she stole for drugs, I know that's bad, but some girls prostitute themselves for it.
    My mom just got here, so bye!!!
     
  20. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

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    hi tizwas
    unfortunatly going to Dr Marks is out of the question as she is in Liverpool which is quite a distance from were i am......
    i think it is a good idea in the long run but unfortunatly not accessable to everyone......

    in my case, tough love although very hard worked....for the first time in 25 years i can think about myself and for the first time my daughter has had to stand on her own 2 feet without having me backing her up...
    as you said "you dont know my case" but believe me you would want to have been in my shoes.....

    although i have had to take this course of action, i am still keeping an eye on my daughter but from a distance .

    linda
    a mum