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adderall addiction?

Discussion in 'Amphetamines addiction' started by MyMom, Dec 26, 2013.

  1. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    it seems like there's no one on here who talks about having an adderall addiction...with that begins aid I'm pretty sure that I have some form of it and since I'm trying to quit and I'm definently going without right now I'm having these major withdrawals that are kicking my ass.

    I've been having a deep rooted affair with my beloved addy for a while and quickly moved from recreational use to an addiction based use and have a major problem with it every day. All I want to do is use and quitting seems almost impossible.
    My current state of withdrawal has me like a zombie, headaches, puking, almost constantly sleeping or being tired, lack of motivation and energy, fever, being angry and snappish, and lack of any other emotion.

    I know and want to I quit my use and like I said I am trying to but I feel like I'm dying and it doesn't help that I have absolutely no support system and the only people that know about my addiction are the people I buy from and I'm very afraid of letting people that I know into my world to even ask for help and I have little motivation other than to do this for my mom who passed away when I was eight.
    I eNt to become her hero and do what she couldn't do. So It'd be really helpful if anyone would be willing to share motivation stories or advice and anything about how to deal withdrawals would be helpful as well. Thanks in advance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2013
  2. Giapsufsu

    Giapsufsu Silver Member

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    How many mgs were you taking a day? How long u been taking the addy? Those would help to answer some of your questions. Being tired is to be expected but shouldn't last more than 3 to 5 days. Finding motivation is probably gonna be a bitch for a while tho.
     
  3. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    Anywhere from 20 to 100 a day, depending on what I could get and what I was doing, and this was going on for about a year.
     
  4. Crazy Hat

    Crazy Hat Silver Member

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    Addiction to adderall can happen for sure, and it can be hard to get off of. Have you tried going into a detox center? That way they'll give you something to help with the withdrawals and you'll have some support while getting off of it.

    If you don't want to get off of it, but just get down to a manageable dose - it is doable, but it will take discipline. If you have someone you trust for support, that can help a lot. If you're getting a script, try only getting a few days or a week at a time vs a month. Keep track of how much you take and slowly go down over time.

    Also, if you're hanging out with people who are using -- especially in front of you -- it's way harder to say no... so, you might have to party less if that's your thing.

    I'm on Dex myself, which helps me keep off cocaine and meth -- but the moment I stop it and go with withdrawals, I'll more than likely seek the hard. I still end up doing hard, but rarely because with dex I just don't get the pull like I used to when it was a full-blown addicted on hard (Smoking and IVing).

    I've gotten into IVing my Dex, although, which isn't a great thing to do. But, I've been slowly taking myself off IVing and into just taking my medication as prescribed. I've gotten to the point of only using my meds for that day, and IVing only other day. Eventually, I'll get there. It's not always easy, but it's doable. You just have to take things one at a time and as they come up.

    Anyway, I hope you can get off or moderate the Adderall. I know that eventually with high doses it gets easier to consider something harder, like meth. When you find that you can't function due to your tolerance to amps, going to something a bit stronger and cheaper like meth seems almost logical. But, yeah, that's not a good path to go down... So, stopping things before they get to that point is a wise, wise choice. I hope things work out for you and good luck. :)
     
  5. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    I haven't been to a detox center, although I have considered it an option. I've been trying to do this on my own, and like an idiot, I didn't think to work down my usage and tried stopping cold turkey.

    Now that I've slipped up a couple times I'm beginning to feel like there's no hope for quitting. But what you've said does make sense, and I have tried my best to cut myself off from other people that are using. I'm currently enrolled at a university and since we are on break, it's been fairly easy to avoid them thus far, I'm just worried about what will happen when I go back.
     
  6. Giapsufsu

    Giapsufsu Silver Member

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    Hey My Mom just want to see how your feeling? Your worried about when you get back to school how your going to avoid the addys. Stay far away from the people you get them from. Yes easier said than done. Just remember the horrible feelings you were having withdrawing from it.
     
  7. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    Today I have to say that I'm feeling much better, although I'm still worried about what is going to happen next, but you are rightthe risk of feeling that way will hopefully help me out. i will keep you all posted on how things go after I go back to school.
     
  8. sweetbebe

    sweetbebe Silver Member

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    Hey, I've been reading this thread for a few days and I wanted to comment on it but haven't really been sure what I could do to help. You are right that there aren't a ton of threads about Adderall addiction. I've been through Adderall addiction myself and it was hard. It took a long time to get through it and to find my own self-motivation. Your experience with the feeling tired and having mood swings is a lot like how I remember. After stopping Adderall use for periods of time, I used to feel like I just needed to sleep and sleep. It felt like my body was trying to catch up on the sleep I lost during binges, but it never felt like I got enough sleep. The lack of energy made days drag. The mood swings were awful, to say the least.

    The best advice I think I can give is to really allow yourself PLENTY of time to get through this. Adderall changes how your brain functions and in order for your brain to start functioning normally, you'll want to give yourself all the time you need so you can re-adjust your brain back to living without Adderall, if that makes sense. And get that sleep you need too. I know you can't go back in time and recover lost sleep, but in the future your body will thank you for allowing yourself to rest, both mentally and physically. That can be a real challenge when you have classes. Try to fit it in wherever you can!

    Honestly. I had to stop going to school, and actually pick up and move away from the town I was living in, and get out of that whole environment in order to get over the Adderall. Sometimes you have to remove certain influences from your life, whether that be your location, people around you, habits, work and school environment. I hope this doesn't bum you out and I apologize if it does, but getting over an addiction can be a lot of work. You might not have to do all those things either, it all depends on the person. But there's no shame in doing what you need to do to get through an addiction. And if you need any other help, a listening ear or anything, feel free to hit me up.
     
  9. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    Thanks that means a lot to me, to know someone will listen if I need. I plan on trying to follow your advice of cutting myself off from my triggers in order to do my best. Thankfully I'm over being tired mostly, so I do want to stay in school, but i've recently been considering making a transfer to a smaller university a little bit way from the one i currently go to.
    I really want this to work out, and I give everyone who has talked to mra bout this a big thank you.
     
  10. spemat

    spemat Newbie

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    I've taken Dexedrine since I was 5 years old. I am more dependent for daily life us vs. addicted... same crap if you ask me. With me though, I get wound up and hyperactive without it... I say the most horrible things from the lack of filter, I take an hour finding my keys to leave... impatience, road rage and BOY do I eat. I have fluctuating doses though... sometimes, I really feel like the tiniest dose and other times, 40 mg 4 times a day doesn't even shut me up...

    in my case, it reverses my maturity level back to 15 years old... and I mean obnoxious and hyper 15 too. I will put off important things, get sidetracked and then 8 hours later, I watched video after video of fights, people falling and American PC-based dramatic themes... not sure why but when I am not on dexedrine, I love seeing everyone and everything in complete chaos... not sure why.

    with me, I had the stereotype of what most people think when they think of a mom who had a kid on amphetamines for my "overactive mouth" (I talk nonstop without it too)... rude, loud, hyper and obnoxious and if I wouldn't shut up, I needed more dexedrine. At age 11 I was rx'd 115 mg of dexedrine/day. Never talked or ate at all, my mom had me on way more than I needed. At 18, I 'grew out of it" and was taken off. When strattera came out and all of a sudden adults could have ADHD again. Tried that, made me psychotic (I have manic moods in the summer too, seasonal and not always happy or smiley and antidepressants and things like them all make me nuts).

    Tried Concerta... worked for a week or two each dose increase and at 108 mg, it did nothing. Asked for Dexedrine, was laughed at, put on Adderall XR... not the same, kinda scary actually. That one became something I misused to stop sleeping in order to induce mania and it wasn't good... it made me feel that almost there feeling, that surge I feel right before I go manic. Then, finally, I got dexedrine back. I am wanting to taper slow and learn skills that I never learned that are common sense to most and someday, get this crap out of my life. I never run out early or anything and my doctor gives me the tablets so I have the ability to take less.

    This drug makes me really narcissistic (or schizoid-ish). I speak so eloquently and perfect in all the languages I know fluently and I have NO humor at all. I seem to be fixated on "appropriate behavior" more than anything. I only have facebook contact with the friends that I had that I decided were "inappropriate". I honestly don't care about anyone anymore but me and my languages at work, in rubbing it in that I am the only one who speaks farsi there, correcting the German of the "interpreters" there in that language. Giving long detailed explanation into the origins of grammar rules when "helping" with mistakes. I translate written these days.

    This crap just feels like my head is restrained and it feels like I take it to make everyone else happy. At this point though, I would spiral downhill stopping it fast. I don't care about these people that claim it isn't addictive on some level if you have ADHD because I have the classic type, troublemaker and the whole nine years and this crap makes me quiet, calm etc. It makes me lose my appetite and if I get different generics, it is like a new medication.

    I am dependent on it and I hate it so much but I don't know of any other plan to stop this drug other than slowly tapering and skills practice. It sucks that my mother was such a cruel bitch about medication (I never treated my manic episodes until I was 26 and I used to have them at age 5 because the mega dose of meds I was on was TOO MUCH... I know, most people like to say, "that isn't dependence, that is ADHD" but nobody wants to deal with the hyperactive, immature me and it beats one issue after another with everyone. ADHD isn't always best dealt with taking speed for life... I hate it...
     
  11. NellBell

    NellBell Silver Member

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    I continue to struggle with amphetamine addiction as well. I have a 70 mg script for Vyvanse and I run out in 10-14 days. I binge for this period of time and at one point was resorting to other substances which destroyed my life in very little time. I went off the deep end, left my fiance, quit my job, decided to move to be close to some douche, (thank goodness that didn't work out and I ended up staying), eventually had to move back home.

    I still abuse the script but I take modafinil or phenylpiracetam when I run out and it sucks, and I'm grumpy, but it takes the edge off enough to where I can function, work (when I had a job), and try to enjoy relaxing and doing things I don't do when I'm binging, like watching movies. I love and hate this drug so much. I regret the day I ever took it. My ex-fiance said it has completely changed my personality and I'm a shell of the person I once was.

    MyMom, keep us updated. I hope you are feeling even better now. I know I am usually starting to feel "back to normal" just about the time my script renews. One of these days, maybe after grad school is over, I will just let that ride itself out and learn how to be normal again and learn how to FEEL again. Best of luck to you, to both of us.
     
  12. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    NellBell, I wish you the best, too.
    And I know that I promised to keep everyone posted on how things are going, so here goes: Today, at twenty seven days clean I saw my old dealer...and shit went down. So needless to say I'm pretty fucked up right now...and I feel great, but I know that here in a little bit I'm going to hate myself for soing this, and I think I would be ashamed if it wasn't for the euphoria...
     
  13. NellBell

    NellBell Silver Member

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    All we can do is try again when this happens. I commend you for going almost a month! You can definitely do this. I am not to the point of even trying, just try to make it through when I run out, but lately I have actually been able to enjoy life a bit even when I'm out, so that is a step in the right direction for me. You are much further ahead in your recovery and you should be proud of yourself because now at least you KNOW you can do it. You were able to go 27 days without, you can go even longer next time.

    I used to use meth ten years a go and when I finally did quit, it was like that. I just kept going longer and longer and finally I had mostly lost contact with my connections and I haven't used it since (just it's more socially acceptable cousin). We are all gonna fall down, all that matters is you get back up.
     
  14. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    So I did really gopd over the weekend and I didnt get high at all, and today my dealer told me that she didnt have anything on jer and to wait for tomorrow and I started to freak out. Now another friend of mine is supposed to bring me some ritalin and even though its not addy im still really excited anyways but idk and i almost miss being but i feel like ill mever be able to be clean again...ugh...:/
     
  15. orionsakimbo

    orionsakimbo Newbie

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    Wow reading the posts helps me feel better. I am sharing an appreciation, in this case of a negative. All in all, I say don't get yourself a prescription. Also, I guarantee that you could find someone out there, a professional of some kind, that it would be safe to talk to. Talking is helpful even when you admit your addiction. So, again find someone to unburden yourself to. If your in a school setting it should be even easier to find helpful resources never be afraid to reach out and don't isolate.
     
  16. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    So it's been a while since I started this thread, and honestly it feels like a whole lifetime ago. I'm doing a lot better now, in truth. Am I clean? Well, not exactly - but I'm getting there. And yes, orionsakimbo, I did finally talk to someone about my addiction.

    I went on a week long binge when I visited home after I told my academic adviser that I needed to take the summer off (even though I had classes scheduled). After the week was over, I hadn't slept in three days when I was talking to my dad and I passed smooth out in front of him from exhaustion. Worried, he rushed me to the hospital and I was more or less forced into telling him the truth.

    Things were bad for a while, but I'm getting through. I'm going to outpatient treatment in order to try to stay clean and get the help that I need. I have relapsed a few times over the last couple of months since all that happened, but today I am sixteen days sober. I'm not going to make it sound like my recovery is all rainbows and sunshine, because it's not - I'm having to fight every step away. There are still times that I catch myself thinking that I need or want Adderall. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get over that feeling. But I'm trying, and part of me thinks that that's all that matters.

    I hope that for anyone out there that went through a similar story can look at mine and learn from it. If you ever need anyone to talk to or even just support as you go on your journey, I'm her. Feel free to DM me at any time.
     
  17. MyMom

    MyMom Silver Member

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    Another update guys!

    Things got a lot better for a while and I straightened up my life, and then for some reason things went back to how they were. My old dealer got busted and has been out of my life and that really helped to stay clean, but then there was someone else that fell into that role and that was REALLY unexpected and didn't help to get me to where I need to be. On top of that, there has been so much drama in my life between relationships, home, school, and trying to find religion. I'm really confused right now and I honestly don't know what exactly I'm doing anymore. So if there's anyone on here that will be able to help me through this rough patch in my life, I would be more than thankful for it.