Question - Advice needed: first trip for depression relief

Discussion in 'Magic Mushrooms (Psilocybe & Amanita)' started by TripfortheCure, Mar 18, 2018.

  1. TripfortheCure

    TripfortheCure Newbie

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    Hello, all.


    I am new here, and I’m looking for advice on using mushrooms to treat my depression. I’ve seen a few threads on this topic (with some incredible discussion- very informative) but I wanted to see if anyone has insight for me after reading a bit about my personal set of circumstances. I will try to keep this as short as possible (update: I failed), while giving any information that might be relevant.


    1. 27/F/5’5/127 lbs
    2. history of severe, recurring depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, eating disorders.
    3. Past prescribed medications: 20+ including SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, atypical antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, benzodiazepines, etc
    4. All treatments led to (at best) mild/moderate improvement of depression symptoms, but the side effects left me unable to live my life. I couldn’t drive, couldn’t work, would fall asleep in the floor of department stores because of the narcolepsy-type symptoms. Having less depression symptoms is nice, but when you’re still unable to live your life, it’s not really worth it.
    5. Current prescribed medication: 20 mg of d-amphetamine (Generic adderall) twice daily for ADD.
    6. Other daily medications: cannabis for appetite (see below) and anxiety
    7. Family history of mental illness and drug addiction (bipolar, anxiety, OCD, unipolar depression)
    8. Personal history with anorexia/bulimia - currently controlled by daily cannabis use for nausea (ongoing issue) and appetite. (In remission)
    9. Daily tobacco use: 1 pack/day.
    10. Daily caffeine use: 2 12oz Redbulls
    11. Overall physical health: good

    I have researched the use of psychedelics in depression treatment extensively, and I truly feel that i could benefit from the treatment. I know that being mentally “unstable” while using psychedelics is typically not advised, but the research is showing such positive results that I can no longer ignore this potential avenue to freedom.


    Essentially, this is my logic- I try the mushrooms and one of two results occur. 1) they help, even slightly, and I am able to go through daily life a little easier than before. 2) I have an insanely bad experience that causes psychosis (or something equally as bad) and I have to be admitted to inpatient treatment. As it stands currently, inpatient treatment will be my end result if I don’t try this. Psychedelics will either work or the experience will force me to do what I’ve needed to do for a while.


    The point I’m trying to make here is this; I understand the risks of using psychedelics as someone suffering from a mental illness. Unless you see other potential outcomes that you think I might not have considered, please do not try to talk me out of trying this. I promise, if I had any other option at this point, I’d try that first. This is all I have left. I am asking for advice on how to do this as safely as possible, and what I can do to mitigate the risks.


    I’d like to discuss what I’ve learned so far, my plans, and other preparations that I’m making for my experience. I’d also like to ask some questions.


    • I have read that stimulants (my prescribed Adderall and my chronic use of caffeine/energy drinks) can potentially increase anxiety during a trip. I am planning to ween myself off of the energy drinks in the week before my experience. Should I also ween off of my Adderall? I’ve also considered simply not taking my medicine the day of. However, Adderall also helps with my mood so I worry that I might be irritable going into the experience if I just skip my meds on the day of. Starting an experience with irritability seems unwise. I wake up around 5 AM every day- would it be okay to take my morning dose and then skip the dose that I would usually take in the afternoon? I plan on beginning the experience in the late morning (around 11:00 AM) and I usually take my second dose around noon. I can usually skip that dose with little effect to my mood, although I obviously see a decline in my ability to concentrate in the afternoon when I do this.
    • I am still searching for a way to procure psilocybin mushrooms, however I have recently started to consider using 4-aco-dmt as an alternative. The ability to have more control over dosage appeals to me greatly, as the concentration of psilocybin varies from mushroom to mushroom. My plan is to have a full experience with the psychedelic, and assuming that all goes well, I would like to move to microdosing for maintenance between experiences. I feel like 4-aco-dmt would allow for a more consistent and predictable dose/experience. Thoughts?
    • Set and setting:
      • This will be my first psychedelic experience, and my mom has agreed to be my trip sitter. She has experience with LSD and mushrooms, and I trust her implicitly. She is my best friend and the most comforting presence in my life. She has never been a tripsitter, so I’ve been gathering resources for her. Through her experience and these resources, I have faith that she will know how to help me through the experience and she will be able to ensure that I am safe.
      • I plan on taking enough of the substance to have a full experience, but not a heroic dose. I will be buying an accurate, digital scale with the ability to measure milligrams accurately, as well as a testing kit to ensure (to the greatest of my ability) that I’m ingesting the expected substance. If you have dosage/ingestion recommendations, please let me know.
      • My experience will occur at my mom’s house - my childhood home. I am very comfortable there. it’s familiar and safe. I plan on beginning around 11 AM on a Saturday, to ensure I have one day to recover before returning to work on Monday.
      • While I don’t have expectations for my experience, I do understand that intention is key when looking to use psychedelics for healing. I have been keeping a list of things I would like to explore during my experience, including relationships/issues, personal struggles, past things that I need to understand, accept, and let go of. I am a spiritual person, and while I’m not looking for ultimate enlightenment, my greatest desire for the experience is to rediscover my connection to my higher power and the people around me. There was a time when I could easily and deeply connect with people, but in the last few years I’ve lost that ability. I miss connection, and if this experience allows me to find it again, it will be worth it.
      • I plan to wake at my normal time (5 AM) and spend the morning alone - meditating, journaling, being creative... relaxing and preparing for the experience. I will most likely spend the night with my mom, as driving makes me anxious and it will be easier for me to keep myself in a positive headspace if I don’t have to travel or interact with too many people.
      • I plan on staying mostly in my mom’s guest room, but I will also set up my childhood bedroom (now an office) with activities (journals/pens/art supplies/music/guitar/etc) should I want to do something besides lay down during the experience. My mom has 5 pets (two dogs, three cats) and I plan on asking her to allow the calmest ones (a huge, precious German Shepherd that acts as my living, breathing, weighted anxiety blanket and my precious black cat) to come and go from that part of the house as they please. I’m still considering how much of a role I want my mom to play. I am pretty certain that I want her to stay with me during the dosing and come up, but I think I’ll probably ask her to go about her day after the effects fully start. She will be within earshot the whole time, regardless.
      • After the experience, I will most likely spend the night with my mom again, just to ensure that my environment remains calm and positive for as long as possible.

    I know that this was really, really long. If you read through it all, I truly appreciate it. I’m having some cognitive function issues (due to the depression) so I know that I haven’t mentioned everything here or asked all of my questions, but this post had to end at some point. I might remember some more questions, which I’ll add.

    If you have any advice on anything I’ve written about, or you have relevant experiences, please let me know. I want to do this right, and I want to make sure that I’ve done everything possible to achieve a good outcome. Thank you.
     
    1. 5/5,
      Fantastic post by a newbie. Totally thorough about her circumstances, with great, important detail. A high level of self-awareness. Thank you!
      Mar 19, 2018
  2. ladywolf2012

    ladywolf2012 Got diamonds in the soles of my shoes! Palladium Member Donating Member

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    I can't answer all your questions, but I do have a little input for you. You seem to be a very structured person, and you have detailed your life circumstances very well, as well as your expectations.

    My input is that mushrooms have a way of taking you in directions that you may not have anticipated. Your comprehensive list of what you would like to work on while tripping may become irrelevant while you are on the psilocybin, as the mushrooms dance you around in their own way. I always like to put it this way: mushrooms have their own agenda for me, and I have to be prepared to follow it.

    This is not to say that there is anything wrong with your plan. You will probably not go mad while on mushrooms--you will probably have a good time if you can let go enough to just enjoy the various states you may pass through.

    I'll let someone else who has more recent psilocybin experience answer your questions. I hope you really enjoy your trip(s)!
     
  3. SirDabathin

    SirDabathin Silver Member

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    I would recommend weening off these two things leading up to your trip. Eat healthy, get a good nights rest. Treat your self like how an athlete would before a competition, you want to be at your best health wise.

    Your Mother seems like a very like minded person. I wish my parents weren't completely brain washed. Trip sitting is very simple. Take a dose that is no higher than 3.5 grams, during the come up I would suggest you read a book, watch a funny T.V show, or converse with your mother. Usually when I am reading a book it takes my mind of the anxious thoughts I may have about dosing, and having my mind completely blown. I would recommend not smoking cannabis because as you stated you suffer from anxiety. Once you start becoming more experienced you may enter the realms of this combo, but for now just start with baby steps.

    When you start to get the visuals simply go to a room where you can lay down in complete silent darkness. You may play music if you like, I recommend Tame Impala Currents in your mix. Somewhere near, you should have some type of device to make a distinctive noise that can be heard by your mother in another area of your household. I recommend a Tibetan bell. If you at all feel that you need to speak to her, simply ring the bell. Tell her to only pop her head in the door. Say what you must to her and then lay back down. Her main goal is to insure you feel as comfortable as possible, but don't play baby.

    Cats are perfectly fine, they are very cute and cuddly and will make your setting that much better. I recommend you include them in the room haha. Dogs are precious as well, but they can deceive you pretty easily with their puppy eyes. One time I was tripping in my house and I had to feed them. I feed them their first bowl, then stayed in the kitchen for another five minutes before I had realized that I was starring at the running water coming out of the faucet. Then I noticed the puppy eyes they had gazed upon me, so I fed them another bowl. Quickly snapped out of it and then proceeded back down to my room in a hurry. Keep those silly rascals away from you.

    This goes with out saying, but make sure she is doing quiet things and not disturbing the peace. SJe seems like she knows what she is doing.

    The mushroom is very friendly to the beginner. If you have a positive mindset going into the experience you should have a minimal amount of road bumps. It's when you start delving into the realms of astonishment by the means of a dose around 7 grams. You said you want a proper introduction to the mushroom, so I believe 3.5 grams is perfectly sufficient. Your setting makes me jealous so you're defiantly not going wrong there.

    I can tell by your post that are very knowledgeable individual my friend, have confidence.
     
  4. ladywolf2012

    ladywolf2012 Got diamonds in the soles of my shoes! Palladium Member Donating Member

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    SirDabathin has some great ideas for you and your enjoyment of your trip(s). I just question one of them: trying to wean off cigarettes before tripping, if you are not yet ready. Quitting smoking is a huge decision, and can be very difficult when your anxiety level is running very high anyway.

    Smoking won't interfere with the mushrooms in any way. I guess Sir just feels you'd have a healthier experience without them--but I was smoking all throughout the years I was doing a lot of psychedelics.

    So that recommendation is optional, as I see it...
     
  5. SirDabathin

    SirDabathin Silver Member

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    I have never really liked cigarettes. I mean the only time I have ever had experience with them was when I was 16. There is this smoke shop that would sell to minors quite regularly. I would usually buy White Owl cigarillos to roll blunts, and he was the only man in town that would sell them to me. One day when I was about to hang out with all my cigarette smoking friends I decided to purchase some red 100's. Ended up smoking half the pack, and bumming the rest to my friends because I didn't want anymore. The next day my mouth was super dry and tasted like a graveyard so I just didn't have any interest vested into them.

    However I did start vaping and found that wayy more satisfactory. In my high-school years I had a pretty sick RDA that could chuck clouds like no tomorrow. Now I just have a simple iCare 2, and I only vape salt-based liquids. The Nicotine content in milligrams is 50 nic so it gives you a mild, strong buzz. Plus the iCare 2 is relatively tiny and is also very stealthy, I can catch a buzz just about anywhere without getting caught. I also don't have to take smoke breaks at my place of work which is a restaurant at the moment. I work on the line so I have to go in and out of the walk in fridge in order to obtain certain ingredients to make recipes and what not. I usually take a good hit or two in there, and then promptly return to my station.

    Maybe during this experience you are about to have, you will see how cigarettes are negatively effecting your health, and choose to quit them. I know it's is hard, my dad started smoking when he was a manager at KFC around the age of 18. He quit when he was 40, but now suffers from high blood pressure even when he is 53. I sympathize with your struggle.

    Why do you drink two Red-Bulls a day? The sugar content alone is enough to keep me away from that synthetic drink. Everyone at my work drinks it too. I don't know, I have never really favored caffeine. I have enough will power to get through my day without the assistance of caffeine. Try drinking tea or coffee, energy drinks are terribly bad for you.
     
  6. ladywolf2012

    ladywolf2012 Got diamonds in the soles of my shoes! Palladium Member Donating Member

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    I too smoke an e-cigarette now. I gave up cigarettes finally a year ago, at 66 (though I had quit many times before, sometimes for years at a time). I am still totally addicted to nicotine, but I prefer the e-cig to real ciggies now. It's so much cleaner, cheaper, smells nice--all that good stuff...
     
  7. Yellow Brick Reality

    Yellow Brick Reality Don’t make me get the Flying Monkeys Silver Member Donating Member

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    Your setting and plan sound perfect to me. I’m sending you positive vibes for a great experience. I’ve also considered this as a treatment for my reoccurrent severe depression and ADD.
    Recently had a severe prolonged opiate and benzo withdrawal that has left me with many health complications that has led me to looking into trying tripping as a reset for what I have been through. Like you, I don’t know where I’d procure the substance but I haven’t tried yet. Unlike you I have no one open minded to sitting for my experience. That’s the only thing stopping me right now.
    I hope to use this thread as a means to opening my husband’s mind to my trying this. He’s uneducated and scared of psychedelics, as I was before becoming educated on DF about the benefits of this experience.
    I think your plan sounds wonderful. The German Shepherd sounds like a comforting great idea to me too. I have had them too and they are amazing intelligent beings that should add positivity to your trip since you are completely comfortable with him. Someone that isn’t would likely have a bad experience around them though. I have 2 small dogs now that I adore like children but they would probably only add to anxiety for me as they are more high strung animals by nature.
    Why have you chosen mushrooms versus LSD or something else?
    Your testing the substances before hand is admirable.
    The only thing I would advise is to have a looser plan. I wouldn’t want to try to explore my childhood traumas in a first trip. I would want to explore my spirituality and my general negative thinking. The specifics of what happened to me and all the negative things would need to wait for future trips. Personally, I’m afraid exploring these ideas or even a trigger to memories of them would be totally off limits for a first trip.
    I would keep everything positive. The Adderal and caffeine and nicotine I wouldn’t bother with reducing for a first trip either. The thought of not having my caffeine or trying to quit smoking etc freaks me out. It adds to my anxiety and I would want everything as positive as possible but not overthinking it to much either. Just don’t put too much thought into it the week before.
    That’s my input for what it’s worth. I’m looking forward to following your experience.