Hello, all. I am new here, and I’m looking for advice on using mushrooms to treat my depression. I’ve seen a few threads on this topic (with some incredible discussion- very informative) but I wanted to see if anyone has insight for me after reading a bit about my personal set of circumstances. I will try to keep this as short as possible (update: I failed), while giving any information that might be relevant. 27/F/5’5/127 lbs history of severe, recurring depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, eating disorders. Past prescribed medications: 20+ including SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, atypical antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, benzodiazepines, etc All treatments led to (at best) mild/moderate improvement of depression symptoms, but the side effects left me unable to live my life. I couldn’t drive, couldn’t work, would fall asleep in the floor of department stores because of the narcolepsy-type symptoms. Having less depression symptoms is nice, but when you’re still unable to live your life, it’s not really worth it. Current prescribed medication: 20 mg of d-amphetamine (Generic adderall) twice daily for ADD. Other daily medications: cannabis for appetite (see below) and anxiety Family history of mental illness and drug addiction (bipolar, anxiety, OCD, unipolar depression) Personal history with anorexia/bulimia - currently controlled by daily cannabis use for nausea (ongoing issue) and appetite. (In remission) Daily tobacco use: 1 pack/day. Daily caffeine use: 2 12oz Redbulls Overall physical health: good I have researched the use of psychedelics in depression treatment extensively, and I truly feel that i could benefit from the treatment. I know that being mentally “unstable” while using psychedelics is typically not advised, but the research is showing such positive results that I can no longer ignore this potential avenue to freedom. Essentially, this is my logic- I try the mushrooms and one of two results occur. 1) they help, even slightly, and I am able to go through daily life a little easier than before. 2) I have an insanely bad experience that causes psychosis (or something equally as bad) and I have to be admitted to inpatient treatment. As it stands currently, inpatient treatment will be my end result if I don’t try this. Psychedelics will either work or the experience will force me to do what I’ve needed to do for a while. The point I’m trying to make here is this; I understand the risks of using psychedelics as someone suffering from a mental illness. Unless you see other potential outcomes that you think I might not have considered, please do not try to talk me out of trying this. I promise, if I had any other option at this point, I’d try that first. This is all I have left. I am asking for advice on how to do this as safely as possible, and what I can do to mitigate the risks. I’d like to discuss what I’ve learned so far, my plans, and other preparations that I’m making for my experience. I’d also like to ask some questions. I have read that stimulants (my prescribed Adderall and my chronic use of caffeine/energy drinks) can potentially increase anxiety during a trip. I am planning to ween myself off of the energy drinks in the week before my experience. Should I also ween off of my Adderall? I’ve also considered simply not taking my medicine the day of. However, Adderall also helps with my mood so I worry that I might be irritable going into the experience if I just skip my meds on the day of. Starting an experience with irritability seems unwise. I wake up around 5 AM every day- would it be okay to take my morning dose and then skip the dose that I would usually take in the afternoon? I plan on beginning the experience in the late morning (around 11:00 AM) and I usually take my second dose around noon. I can usually skip that dose with little effect to my mood, although I obviously see a decline in my ability to concentrate in the afternoon when I do this. I am still searching for a way to procure psilocybin mushrooms, however I have recently started to consider using 4-aco-dmt as an alternative. The ability to have more control over dosage appeals to me greatly, as the concentration of psilocybin varies from mushroom to mushroom. My plan is to have a full experience with the psychedelic, and assuming that all goes well, I would like to move to microdosing for maintenance between experiences. I feel like 4-aco-dmt would allow for a more consistent and predictable dose/experience. Thoughts? Set and setting: This will be my first psychedelic experience, and my mom has agreed to be my trip sitter. She has experience with LSD and mushrooms, and I trust her implicitly. She is my best friend and the most comforting presence in my life. She has never been a tripsitter, so I’ve been gathering resources for her. Through her experience and these resources, I have faith that she will know how to help me through the experience and she will be able to ensure that I am safe. I plan on taking enough of the substance to have a full experience, but not a heroic dose. I will be buying an accurate, digital scale with the ability to measure milligrams accurately, as well as a testing kit to ensure (to the greatest of my ability) that I’m ingesting the expected substance. If you have dosage/ingestion recommendations, please let me know. My experience will occur at my mom’s house - my childhood home. I am very comfortable there. it’s familiar and safe. I plan on beginning around 11 AM on a Saturday, to ensure I have one day to recover before returning to work on Monday. While I don’t have expectations for my experience, I do understand that intention is key when looking to use psychedelics for healing. I have been keeping a list of things I would like to explore during my experience, including relationships/issues, personal struggles, past things that I need to understand, accept, and let go of. I am a spiritual person, and while I’m not looking for ultimate enlightenment, my greatest desire for the experience is to rediscover my connection to my higher power and the people around me. There was a time when I could easily and deeply connect with people, but in the last few years I’ve lost that ability. I miss connection, and if this experience allows me to find it again, it will be worth it. I plan to wake at my normal time (5 AM) and spend the morning alone - meditating, journaling, being creative... relaxing and preparing for the experience. I will most likely spend the night with my mom, as driving makes me anxious and it will be easier for me to keep myself in a positive headspace if I don’t have to travel or interact with too many people. I plan on staying mostly in my mom’s guest room, but I will also set up my childhood bedroom (now an office) with activities (journals/pens/art supplies/music/guitar/etc) should I want to do something besides lay down during the experience. My mom has 5 pets (two dogs, three cats) and I plan on asking her to allow the calmest ones (a huge, precious German Shepherd that acts as my living, breathing, weighted anxiety blanket and my precious black cat) to come and go from that part of the house as they please. I’m still considering how much of a role I want my mom to play. I am pretty certain that I want her to stay with me during the dosing and come up, but I think I’ll probably ask her to go about her day after the effects fully start. She will be within earshot the whole time, regardless. After the experience, I will most likely spend the night with my mom again, just to ensure that my environment remains calm and positive for as long as possible. I know that this was really, really long. If you read through it all, I truly appreciate it. I’m having some cognitive function issues (due to the depression) so I know that I haven’t mentioned everything here or asked all of my questions, but this post had to end at some point. I might remember some more questions, which I’ll add. If you have any advice on anything I’ve written about, or you have relevant experiences, please let me know. I want to do this right, and I want to make sure that I’ve done everything possible to achieve a good outcome. Thank you.