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    PLEASE HELP

Can a meth addict have a successful relationship?

Discussion in 'Sex and Drugs' started by Somniferabbit, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. Somniferabbit

    Somniferabbit Silver Member

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    I'm not sure if this is in the right category, but here it goes. I'm totally in love with a fellow who I will call "Joey" (I've talked about him on here before). Sadly, he's been hooked on the crystal for a while now...I've read a lot of horror stories about meth addicts and what they've done to their partners, but Joey is possibly one of the most passive people I've ever met (even on the tweak). I personally don't use meth (and never will), but a rabbit I know has used a lot of painkillers and is growing opium for pain management.

    Anyway, if some of you could provide some insight for me, I'd appreciate it. I'd like to hear from both swimmers in meth and partners of addicts--details would be appreciated (sex, fidelity, abuse, love, etc.). I guess you can't pick who you love, really, and I know Joey is SUPER lonely... I feel for him, because my heart is very huge, and I HATE to see such a beautiful person disintegrate before my eyes, you know..? Bah, maybe I'm a fool... please help? :(
     
  2. corse32

    corse32 Silver Member

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    ...
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2017
  3. Somniferabbit

    Somniferabbit Silver Member

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    Thank you for your answer...I was beginning to think that no one would reply to this thread. Your explanations are really concise and I appreciate you taking the time to give them to me. Yes, Joey is a death metal drummer (and he's breathtakingly good), and he's EXTREMELY quiet, shy, and reclusive. He's also had a lot of emotional trauma in his life, but essentially he started up the dope because he was in the metal scene around here, and metal is synonymous with drugs (at least, it is here). He chose to use, and in that sense, it is his fault, but well, meth's claws are sharp and barbed.

    I want to talk to him about his addiction, but well, as a lot of addicts are, he tends to get a bit touchy about it whenever it's brought up. Not many meth addicts are proud of their shackles, after all. My dad was hooked on that shit for about five-six years, but he's kicked the habit and has been clean for eight... I just want to tell Joey about him, so that maybe he can see that meth is NOT invincible and he can be free of it...

    Anyway, thank you again for your answer; I'm very grateful.
     
  4. Sargent Leper

    Sargent Leper Newbie

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    Hey Somniferabbit,
    I know you don't want to hear this but, I really think it's best if you stay away. Obviously I know nothing about you or him but I think you should quit before things get bad.
    If I were you I would tell him how you feel and that you care about him a lot but (as you said) your not gonna sit around and watch him fade away. Try to get him help. It's a bitch to kick but it can be done and if he's worth having you, he'll clean up.
    Now I am an addict myself. Heroin is my thing, though I did go through a meth phaze. The thing is, Meth will always come first to him. Again I dont know him or his particular situation but if he is anything like most addicts I know things will get ugly. I'm not talking about physical abuse, which I hope never happens to you, but it's the mental shit, trust issues, etc.
    The last girlfriend I had while I was using I put through hell. I constantly lied to hear. I stole her ATM card and withdrew hundreds from her account. Pawned gifts she gave me. It's like cheating on someone in a way.
    He will always have this "mistress", and I cannot say this enough, you will always come second.
    Good Luck and I hope things work out for both of you
     
  5. molly

    molly Silver Member

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    his problems with his emotional trauma need to be addressed before his addiction can be controlled. don't ask him to quit any time soon, work on getting to the root of his addiction. ask why he uses. ask him if he is open to seeing a psychiatrist to find a less destructive way to deal with his problems. ask him if he is open to going to na meetings. dont come off as aggressive or demanding. dont try to be his reason to quit, he needs to find a reason to quit for himself. ask him if hes ever thought about quitting or if he would ever consider quitting. meth was around much longer than you have, so just like people, meth is who he will trust the most right now. its helped him for five years and who are you to tell him he doesnt need it after all this time? its easy to give up and move on, but someone has to be the better influence in his life and if you think you have the strength to stand strong and help him fight this addiction, be there for him and dont give up. if you don't have what it takes, stop now before you get yourself into something that you weren't ready to deal with. its really not worth it, unless you are fully prepared to do what it takes.
     
  6. profesor

    profesor Silver Member

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    I just read a similar post about someone dating a coke addict, and answered like this: Recovery involves re-examining one's life (including "Making a fearless and searching moral inventory") And it is nearly impossible to do that while staying in a relationship. Somniferabbit, you didn't mention if you were together before his addiction started, but if not, he wouldn't know how to be with you while completely sober. Not only for yourself should you seriously think about leaving, but understand that separating may be an essential step for him to quit substance abuse. I wish it didn't usually work that way, but that's what addiction counselors have told me, and from friends went through, it seems to be true.
     
  7. Makeup_Junkie

    Makeup_Junkie Silver Member

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    I've talked about my boyfriend a bajillion times on the forum and I've always said the same thing. To sum up my experience, he helped me quit my drug of choice. For two solid months, I was actively using and he was the reason I decided to quit. Maybe if Joey feels the same way about you that you do for him, maybe he'll make the decision to quit. However, like others have said, while he's actively using, the drug will always come first. I love my boyfriend more than life itself but when I was using, my drug always came first despite my love for my boyfriend. Maybe you could have a talk with him and see if he's ready to take that step and quit. If he's not ready to quit, you might have to end the relationship, but then again, every situation is different. I wish you all the best and I just don't want to see you get hurt over him and his drug use.
     
  8. Somniferabbit

    Somniferabbit Silver Member

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    Many thanks and blessings to you all for your kind responses. I've done some research, scary research, into meth use. It sort of arms me to go into battle with this addiction of his. I know what to say, what NOT to say, and well, I guess no one is really 100% prepared for what's to come, but at least I have some of an idea. Joey is a person who feels things very deeply, and the meth masks those feelings. He's had a lot of sadness in his life, and he just can't handle feeling it. Sadly, meth sort of acts like compound interest, you know? I admit, I love him so much, so fucking much. If I had a wand to shake and make all that go away, but alas, the only one who can really help him is...him. I know he's tried to quit, but well, I don't know...he hasn't really had a good support system during those times. I want to help him any way I can. I might be a fool on a fool's errand, but I don't care. I love him...and if it's a mistake...well...it is a mistake that I will have to make for myself. Hey, at least I'm poor and don't have anything of monetary value in my home for him to take, haha! And all my gifts to him would be art, so...no pawning that. :D Thank you all again so very much for this.

    @Makeup_Junkie: Thank you so much for telling me your story...it sort of gives me hope. <3 You have all my respect for everything you did to get clean. For REAL.
     
  9. Makeup_Junkie

    Makeup_Junkie Silver Member

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    I'm so glad I could help. It's hard dating an addict. Though I was on the opposite end you are on now, I understand my boyfriend's frustration when I was using now that I'm clean. The whole "I'll get clean in one more month. Just one more month!" God, I put him through hell and he still stayed with me because he loved me. In some situations, love conquers all, and like I said before, I wish you all the best in your journey to help Joey. I hope he can realize that you are more important than some stupid drug. If you ever need to PM me just to talk, I'm here. I'm on here quite often so I can get back to you quickly. ::vibes:: :)
     
  10. alienesseINspace

    alienesseINspace Newbie

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    Greetings!

    I do not think that it is possible to have a successful relationship while having a meth addiction. Drug addicts can often find it hard to find their emotional compass. I watched a former roommate struggle with cocaine and meth. She did not have any luck in relationships namely because she was inconsistent with how she viewed her partners. Although you may be able to cope with someone's addiction, the person you're dating may not be able to assess the relationship accurately.

    Also, people who use will often feel alienated if their partner does not. Are you feeling any sort of distance due to not using meth while your partner does? Do you notice a difference in behavior from your partner when meth isn't being used?

    I would be really hesitant of investing emotion into something that has a statistically high probability of going wrong beyond repair. In the case of my ex-roomie, she would often have sex binges and then tell her partner it was the drug's fault. When she stole my rent money, again, it was meth's fault...

    Certainly, it is your decision if it's a risk worth taking.
     
  11. chaosisbeauty

    chaosisbeauty Silver Member

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    I wouldnt say my pet hedgehog is a METH addict per say but she is a drug addict and its caused much stress in all her relationships. She doesnt let people in at all anymore because she refuses to let anyone drown with her. As much as she loved her ex she couldnt ever stay clean for him. Mostly because she didnt want to do it for herself so why do it for someone else. I've wondered a million times if she'll ever have a healthy relationship with doing drugs. She'll probably never quit using really. I hope you guys can work it out. Just dont get sucked down with him. My hedgehog kinda has this idea that anyone with a drug user ultimately either turns into a user themselves or cant deal with the stress anymore and leaves.
     
  12. squid

    squid Newbie

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    I'm in the same boat. We've been together for a few months... I knew she used prior, but had no idea how much until recently... or rather, I did but chose to ignore it until now because I was blinded by the awesome sex and good company in general. However, this last month has been rough. We're at the point where we spend at least 5 nights a week with one another. Obviously I'm going to notice more and she's going to find the need to sneak off or show up late so she can do her thing. Finally told her she needed to clean up if she wants this to go any further.

    She says she wants a long term and stable relationship. She says she'll quit for me (what a horrible thing to tell someone... no need to tell me how bad that is), but she a plan to quit when I first met her over a year ago. She doesn't want to do any treatment (she attended NA for friend once and knows what its about). I guess we'll see if she can stick with it this time... I'm trying to be patient and non demanding. I'm fully aware you can't make someone quit or even pressure them into it. She's either going to do it or she isn't. If she chooses meth over me... well... sucks to be me.

    I've been best friends with a number of tweakers so she won't be able to lie about it. I don't expect her to quit cold, but I do expect her to ramp it down. My hope is that she'll eventually get into counseling. I will say she's never stolen anything from me or asked me for money. None of my old friends did either. I personally think the stereotype is overblown and has more to do a particular person and how much they're using. Sure, at some point too much of anything will totally fuck your mind and morals. However, at that point they're likely to be jobless and living off of someone else. She's doing neither and she knows I'd never put up with that.

    But fuck, I love her so much. I foresee a lot of heartache ahead. I asked her the other day what one thing would she want most in the next year of her life... and she said a "stable long term relationship". It made me happy to hear, but it also made me sad she didn't say "quit meth". I didn't have the heart to say that one would not happen without the other.
     
  13. squirrel36

    squirrel36 Newbie

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    I would be wrong not to reply to this post. Even though it's a few months Old and don't know the status of you and this guy. I hate to say but please stay away. Trust swim. I was a great guy with a big heart to love, I just wanted to be loved. Never done drugs in he's life never wanted or even dreamed of it. I did struggle thru life but always knew the positive outcome in any situation. Anyways, let's just say I was a guy of rare breeds. He was in it for all the right reasons. Until he meet he's bf... Now I amn't trying to bash on he's bf or anything but swim meet him n was very attracted to him. He had great qualities in him and he would do so much for swim for no reason. However I didn't know how bad of a meth addict he was until he moved in with him... I have only himself to blame, Bcuz after 8 months of living together and being and being and crying for him to s stop he never did..which made swim so curious to know why he wouldn't give it up.so tried it behind he's back....a month later, I has now been doing it daily with he's bf and finds himself so disputed and ashamed of himself. I want to stop so bad but doesn't seem like he can. Only way he can think of stopping is to really give up on he's bf...so for you I am telling you please gold strong and do what's right. Don't give in..u seem like a very nice lady and I'm sure very pretty. So id say don't settle, find the guy who's right. Please..
     
  14. Somniferabbit

    Somniferabbit Silver Member

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    Thank you,everyone, for replying to this post. It is a bit old, yes, but things have changed a little. I told Joey how I felt about him, but he was of the mind, at least, that he cannot date anyone at this point in his life. I made a beautiful drawing that was a metaphor of his addiction...I was so scared that he might be offended, but he said words couldn't describe his gratitude. I'll be his friend and I still love him very much, but well, that's where it ends. I wish the best of luck to you all who are dealing with similar situations. I'm also getting a pug on Saturday, and nothing beats a loving friend to keep your spirits up! *sigh* Still single...
     
  15. trdofbeingtrd

    trdofbeingtrd Palladium Member

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    I am not meaning this as a challenge to what you wrote (in fact I think it was pretty damned good) or to say that you are wrong. I would agree to this up to a point and please feel free to reply back because I could be wrong.

    I have known a LOT of people both close and in passing who used drugs (meth in specific for this thread) and I myself have the experience I lived through as a methamphetamine user for years and now as an ex meth user for years. I would say that for the most part what you put down is correct, sound, and it seems that at the core of a person is true.

    However, while maybe the core of a person would always stay the same (if they were a good person then they would still be a good person and the meth don't change who they are, I do think that it's possible for after many many years of abuse, they could change to not be a good person anymore.

    It seems that you are saying that the meth does not change a person or at least who they really are. So if you are a good person, you are not all the sudden a psycho. It's more of if you let yourself change into a bad person but with meth (other drugs as well, but meth is a major substance for this instance), if you can accept doing bad things to people and toss away that part of you that feels guilt to a certain point, I do believe it's possible to change for good. I have known a couple people that at one time were basically honest good people and through major abuse and them letting things they did wrong to continue, they were not the same even after they stopped using meth.

    Do you know what I mean? Do you disagree?

    Again, your reply was great. To the OP, please don't let what I am saying shadow this members reply to you, it was a really good reply. I just think this is a valid debate because as I said, I could be wrong, and to not hi-jack the thread, if you want to talk about this further I can make a new thread about it.

    Welcome to Drugs-forum both of you :)
     
  16. molly

    molly Silver Member

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    I believe that a good dose of LSD or shrooms can turn a bad person into something good, so I would have to disagree that drugs can change a person permanently. The only truth is that some people do change permanently, because they do not want to change, or are not influenced by the right people or things.
     
  17. squid

    squid Newbie

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    Well, nearly a year later and I had no clue how right I would be. At least I knew what to expect. Suffice to say things are much worse for her as well as myself. Things were getting better for me, but unfortunately all the energy I put into trying to make things work was at the expense of nearly everything else.

    I wish I could say I did everything thing right and have been the better person the whole time, but unfortunately it isn't so. I've watched her turn into a hurt woman with a lot of hope, to a generally negative and bitter person. We're still together, but I'm at a complete loss.
     
  18. mkultra402

    mkultra402 Newbie

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    I tried for 3 years to love a meth head.
    I thought I could love him enough to persuade him into sobriety.. not a chance..
    I bet you wish the good times could outweigh the bad, but eventually, meth is like another person, a girl that fucks him and doesn't say anything before/after. Meth especially, ever try to be a close or good friends with a meth user? They don't really mean to be awful, addiction is a disease, but meth just changes people into unreliable liars.
    Good luck getting the monkey off your back.
    Love yourself first, do what you know is right.
     
  19. ReynoldWrappin

    ReynoldWrappin Silver Member

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    Ricky Bobby feels same way. He just shuts everybody out for fear theyll see who he really is and doesn't want to lead them on, all the while lying and manipulating to keep his crystal habit going. Also we have to remeber, The ice takes away users personality and their personal traits that make them themselves.

    Kinda hard to love someone when truly they dont even know who they are, or how they even used to be. Meth makes for a mentally wearing addiction
     
  20. corona

    corona Newbie

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    Please do NOT take the following as advice but I have a friend who is in a loving committed relationship (3+ years) with a meth addict and she wouldn’t trade it for the world! However, she is an addict as well so theres that factor… But in general I believe (and my friend has seen from experience) that it really is the person underneath the drugs not the drugs themselves. Drugs can really bring out a side of someone you never would have seen otherwise and very possibly never wanted to see but it’s still that person, not the drug. She doesn’t agree with the people who say that meth robs you of your personality and inevitably turns you into a thief and a liar… well maybe a liar… but who knows you might have been a liar already! It is possible to an emotionally gratifying, caring, mutually respectful relationship with an addict and the sex is incredible (or so I’m told).
    There is always the feeling that they’re slipping through your fingers though and that maybe you’re watching the one thing you love most in the world self destruct and you’re so scared you won’t be able to stop him so… if you can’t beat um join um? Just don’t have kids.
    Thats what my friend did anyway….
     
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