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cocaine and relationships

Discussion in 'Cocaine addiction' started by poyan, May 5, 2012.

  1. poyan

    poyan Newbie

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    do cocaine addicts have normal relationships or do they go for someone who uses cocaine too
     
  2. KNiFe

    KNiFe Titanium Member

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    Welcome to the forums, Poyan.

    Your question isn't an easy one to answer. I wish there was a straightforward response, a blanket statement, that would answer it. But unfortunately, cocaine addicts come from all walks of life and are very diverse.

    Most of the times, you don't choose who you fall in love with. A cocaine addict is first a human being, and I believe they don't choose who they fall for. They might end up in a relationship with a non-user, fall in love with a non-user, and feel ashamed hiding their habit from a non-user. No matter how understanding the non-user is, there is going to be a lot of inner-conflict within the addict due to the fact that they KNOW that their use affects the significant other, but they can't stop. Like I said, it doesn't matter how understanding the non-user is.

    The reason they might have a preference to form a relationship with another cocaine addict is that the judgment will not be present. That judgment might not even come from being with non-user partner, but from within. If they're unhappy with who they are and walk around with that shame on their shoulders, they'll feel like that weight is lifted if they're with someone who does the same things they do. A lot of times, they might feel like they're not good enough to be with a non-user that's so supportive and kind and loving despite the fact that they do things that hurt them.

    This post isn't meant to be offensive towards anyone addicted to any drug, but it stems from personal experience. I used to date someone addicted to OxyContin and he constantly expressed to me that he wasn't good enough to be with me. I never did anything to put him down, in fact I was there for him through withdrawals and relapse and withdrawals, clean time, relapse.. rinse and repeat. His failures were internalized over and over, and the fact that he couldn't get clean at the time made him feel like he was a burden to me.
     
  3. poyan

    poyan Newbie

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    I dont want to offend any drug user my ex has a cocaine addiction i was just asking about relationships because the thought of my ex with someone else and happy and still taking coke cruxifies me am just so broken hearted that cocaine was put before me
     
  4. KNiFe

    KNiFe Titanium Member

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    Poyan, I know your post wasn't intended to offend, I actually included the statement "This post isn't meant to be offensive towards anyone addicted to any drug, but it stems from personal experience." in my previous post as a type of disclaimer. Ensuring that others understand I'm not stereotyping all cocaine addicts, only speaking from my personal experience.

    I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt right now. I think you're doing a great thing by taking the initiative to learn about the nature of addiction, and hopefully that helps you heal. Drugs-Forum is an excellent source for advice and support. I know that nothing I say can really take away the pain you're feeling, as I don't know you and don't know the nature of your situation. I can only tell you that it will get better. You will gain strength and knowledge, and come out of this situation stronger. You don't need to carry the weight of his addiction. I'm sure he really loves you (I've read your other posts) but addiction is wicked and eventually can push someone into a corner, a really terrible and lonely place.


     
  5. poyan

    poyan Newbie

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    Thank you for those kind words and taking the time to read my other posts i only wish and hope that maybe one day he will contact me to say he wants to stop because i will always support and help him
     
  6. TomBFL

    TomBFL Silver Member

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    SWIM's feedback is that most hardcore addicts would prefer a partner they don't need to share with until they reach the point where relationships are irrelevant to them.
     
  7. basic

    basic Newbie

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    Not many people are strong enough for cocaine. See what alister crowley had to say about it.

     
  8. milton5a

    milton5a Newbie

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    Hi there,

    I am in a relationship with a someone who uses crack and heroin and it is very very hard. I posted in the heroin forum about how hard I am finding it at the moment. My partner has informed me that crack is worse than cocaine but I'm not too sure if I believe him. I honestly think the crack 'need' is more than the heroin one (when they are on methadone) the smell of burnt crack makes me feel sick and I hate the look of my partner smoking the pipe.

    Can you tell us any more about your relationship?

    Milton5a
     
  9. poyan

    poyan Newbie

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    HI milton, my ex dumped me 3 mnths ago i think he chose cocaine over me he has been taking it for 25 yrs and 1 yr ago he started dealing it so it was always available i believe he is addicted, but he will never find anyone who was more understanding than me
     
  10. TinaGR

    TinaGR Newbie

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    Hello to all,
    cocaine and relationships...there is no chance unless both of them are addicts...
    cocaine will always come first..It is such a frustrating feeling i had to deal with...I have never smoked and i control my self in everything i do..Then i fell in love with him and now i try to pick up my pieces..
    cocaine is like your friend is cheating you with another person,and she is better...
     
  11. AddyCrazy

    AddyCrazy Silver Member

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    I don't think it has anything to do with the actual drug use but more the addiction aspect.

    The problem with these very addictive drugs like cocaine, amphetamines or opiates is that it is pretty damn hard to use them in a strictly recreational sense and not affect others or yourself by becoming addicted. I am an addict myself though I am not active currently but my girlfriend has been with me since my first detox about 2-3 years ago.

    I have relapsed a few times since then but only once has it been more than one use. Someone who isn't an addict and has no idea what it is like can have a very hard time understanding how you can be so selfish and hurt yourself and others. My girlfriend has alcoholic parents so I think she understands how it is but I have always treated her like gold besides when she has seen me nodding out or crying because I couldn't use.

    A lot of the times addicts hurt loved ones much more such as stealing or being abusive. So I do think you can have a non-addict as bf or girlfriend but if you are an addict it can be very hard for the relationship to work. I think it will be pretty impossible if they are a complete non-user of any drugs such as marijuana.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2015
  12. 2long2tired

    2long2tired Silver Member

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    A successful relationship requires two healthy individuals. Can one be healthy and doing cocaine? Personal experience says no.
     
  13. TinaGR

    TinaGR Newbie

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    That is so true guys...
    I come from a very good family,never smoked,never drink alcohol and prefer healthy way of life...
    The one i fell in love with,his mother did marijuana every day and had no relations with his father...He felt rejection from all parts...
    He told me that he feels that he doesn't deserve me,that i am an amazing person,that he is in love with me,that he wants to marry me etc..He knew what i was and what he was but i didn't know who was speaking at that time,he or drugs...I didn't care...

    I tried to be with him all the time so he would not hang out with his ''friends''...he tried too,but not hard enough...He started hanging out with them again,he was sad when he didn't have money for coke,he was depressed and started lying to me...And the thing is that he never admitted he was doing cocaine so from the time someone doesn't admit that,he has a long long way to go....a rot one..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2015
  14. basic

    basic Newbie

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    Cocaine if used knowingly is in fact a boon to relationships. It is beyond the scope of this thread for swim to elucidate or even give an inkling of what I mean, so if you can keep that caveat in mind and understand that swim is only giving the barest clue then swim will explain.

    First be aware that it took swim 22 years before fully understanding and exploring the subtleties and also that it required alkaloid of the highest quality, not dissimilar to what Freud was using. ie with all the other ampy alkaloids, which gives cocaine a bad press, removed.

    In this form it can have one of two effects. 1. It can take one to that über horny mode, you know the one where women will say something like "if only they knew I'd have let anyone fuck me, I was so horny", kind of thing, as Nicole Kidman explained in Eyes Wide Shut.

    2. It may not have the horny effect at all and instead place one in a highly analytical frame of mind. This is the frame of mind that Freud admitted to in his book "The Cocaine Papers". I feel that Freud was being a bit sly and disingenuous by not mentioning the other effect, which was probably the reason that he was sending packets of Mercke cocaine to his girlfriend.

    What you do not want to do on Cocaine is fuck. You might feel very horny but that is what you should expect and you don't take cocaine for that reason, you take cocaine in order to analyse that particular frame of mind.

    Particularly it should be used as a tool to communicate with your partner and blurt stuff out in a horny mode, without thinking about it too much and then analyse what you said afterwards. This is immensely more difficult and fraught with pitfalls than I can intimate here.

    But the point of this post is that coke has very bad press but that is because being illegal it is controlled by bad people selling bad coke. Therefore it is a much under appreciated drug albeit a drug that requires a lot of education in order to use correctly.

    The point of it is to eventually be able to communicate to your partner particularly when you are in this horny mode naturally. ie without drugs of any kind including alcohol.
     
  15. TinaGR

    TinaGR Newbie

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    Education to use coke??????I dont think that educated people would use their education to do coke.....
     
  16. basic

    basic Newbie

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    Have you read Sigmund Freud's "The Cocaine Papers"
     
  17. TinaGR

    TinaGR Newbie

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    How can someone use coke correctly??and why would he do that?? and how education is envolved with the use?? This is illusion...Coke addicts i know including my x,educated or not, either they do not admit the use of it, or they say they can control it or accuse other users for being addicted etc..
    But i agree with what u say about coke and sex...There is No sex at all when with an addict...Coke will always come first..
     
  18. Motorway

    Motorway Silver Member

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    In my limited experience, Coke and relationships never mix. Once the dreaded come down starts to come, resentment and arguments quickly follow - in the end it will destroy anything that is good in favour of one more line.

    Someone always gets hurt and 99% it ain't the addict, that said it is worth pointing out how much coke can change people and the person they turn into is not the person they are, but until they understand and see that for themselves the cycle continues; i have seen it with my own eyes.

    The plain cost and finance needed to support a habit will also create resentment, debt and ill feeling to the point of not caring
     
  19. 2long2tired

    2long2tired Silver Member

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    My pet dragon and mate love each other very much. The worst thing in their relationship was when they were both doing coke together. My dragon was so very scared to come down, suffering the painful cycle, coupled with severe depression. Their trust and admiration for each other was completely gone. So many dreadful things happened, some with effects that are ongoing.

    One evening, one of them left the house with half of their stash. The other called the police and stated money was stolen. At the end of the day someone wound up arrested w/a felony charge. This didn;t stop the coke. Shortly after the same someone wound up in the hospital; OD/suicide(?); and 3 weeks on the flight deck.

    They still love and care about each other very much; but the relationship has been seriously damaged and changed forever.

    I am open to the possibility that maybe there are some that can share the coke experience without this extent of damage; I think they are rare. My dragon can't do cocaine in moderation regardless if alone or with any other dragon.
     
  20. basic

    basic Newbie

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    Tina, you really need to read and understand my original post where I explain the answers to your questions. You are thinking about people using street coke for purely recreational purposes. This is a dead end. It is a waste of time, money, and energy. Cocaine is merely a molecule and it has a purpose in the hands of someone who understands how it works. In the hands of a grub it's of no use at all.