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Addiction - Does the desire to take opiates ever go away?

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Research-Chemist, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. Research-Chemist

    Research-Chemist

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    Ok, so basically I was a heavy opiate user I have been clean for almost 7-8 months now and I literally think about opiates 24/7.

    I'll go in to a little detail on how I got in to taking opiates in the first place,

    I was obsessed with rap music at one point and always used to hear references to codeine in many of the songs I used to listen to, one night when I had no weed I decided to do a cwe on some co-codamol 30/500 that I found laying around in the medicine cupboard. I used 10 for the extraction.

    I drank the solution which I found to taste utterly revolting, about 20 - 30 mins later I felt a warm feeling in my stomach, and loved the effects it had.
    After a few months the whole codeine supply from the med cabinet dried up (which was a fucking lot lol) but by then I found myself unable to sleep due to codeine wd's so back to the medicine cupboard with my iPhone in hand and google up on safari searching every drug in that cabinet just to see if any had recreational value, after a while I found a box of OxyContin 40mg and a box of oxyfast 20mg and shit loads of morphine sulphate 10mg, obviously I knew the morphine had recreational value and after a quick google search I knew the other two also had recreational value so I took all three boxes and headed back to my room (I lived at my parents at the time and was only 15) not knowing the power oxy, I snorted a whole oxy 40 (doesn't sound like much but going from codeine to oxy is quite a step) I felt a wave of complete bliss come over my body, but soon after the nausea was too much to handle and I ended up puking 3 or 4 times, I continued my oxy use for the next four years still able to maintain high school and college, I never really understood the meaning of withdrawals because the oxy supply was fresh there in the med cupboard every week, and I neve had to pay for it so I didn't have to struggle for money to pay for it, a little while after I started a new job in the IT dept of an insurance company, the oxy supply finally dried up... It was the worst few days of my life, no sleep, couldn't eat, and severe stomach pain. After noticing a box of suboxone 8mg on one of my co workers desks, I asked him if he could get any heroin as my withdrawals from oxy were literally too much to handle. He hooked me up with his ex dealer, i got 5 bags and when i got home from work I snorted a line of this beige coloured heroin, the beautiful opiate high was back and my life was blissful and I was able to function properly again, after a few months of heroin use and an almost 5 year opiate habit, I met a girl. I told her about my addiction and she understood being an ex user herself (not opiates, she took stims I.e mephedrone, MDMA, coke etc...) she asked me if I wanted to get clean, which I did. So in the following months she helped me get clean with my old friend weed and as time went in our relationship bloomed ( you don't wanna hear about this so I'll skip it lol).

    I got clean from opiates, I'm now 7-8 months clean but all I can think about is heroin, I have cut my contacts with my dealers other then one for emergencies.... So my question is does this urge to take opiates ever go away.... I hope it does because I'm one to break quite easily and I don't wanna live my life as an opiate addict for ever....


    Thanks for reading guys :)

    Any adivice will be appreciated.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2012
  2. MoonLitCrystal

    MoonLitCrystal Titanium Member

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    Hi RC! First of all, congrats on the 7-8 months clean! That is a huge accomplishment that you should be very proud of :)

    I love dope too, so I feel your pain. I have been to several rehabs and I have short periods of clean time (the longest being 4 months straight) and right now I am trying to use sparingly. The advice I am going to give is going to sound hypocritical because as of right now, I'm not following it myself! But please hear me out, as I have found this advice to be rather successful when I actually listen to it.

    I do not think the cravings ever "go away" completely, but they do lessen as time goes on IF you stay clean. If you do like I'm doing right now (using here & there) the cravings are not going to go away because you are periodically putting opiates back in your system. That old saying "Time heals all wounds" definitely applies here. The longer you go without using opiates, the less bothersome the cravings will be.

    Your comment "I have cut my contacts with my dealers other then one for emergencies" raised a red flag with me. You said that you do want to stay clean, but yet you have reservations. Just keeping that one phone number allows your mind to "go there." You can say to yourself, "Well, I can call so-and-so..." when you are having a weak moment, because you know how easy it would be to dial the phone and score. If you get rid of all phone numbers, it will make it harder for you to score.

    I always tell people it's almost like tricking yourself into staying clean, or trying to outsmart the part of your brain that wants to get high. The clean part of your brain needs to set up as many obstacles as it can, effectively making it very hard or near impossible to score dope. (For example, I told all of my doctors that I am an addict. This makes it impossible for me to "doctor shop" and score pills from the doctors.)

    Do you have a good network? It sounds like your girlfriend is very supportive of you, and that's great! Do you have anyone else (family members, friends) to talk to about addiction and cravings? Would you consider going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings? The larger your network is, the better. These are the people you can call when a craving hits; they will let you vent about it and they can help take your mind off of it. (They say cravings only last about 15 minutes.)

    Keep us updated RC, and keep up the good work!
     
  3. hamsterdam

    hamsterdam Silver Member

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    In my opinion, that psychological element will never go away.

    Short of something drastic like damaging your hippocampus, you can't just forget about how it felt to be on the drug. You will always have that memory and it will likely always have some kind of effect on you.
     
  4. Research-Chemist

    Research-Chemist

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    Hi guys,

    Thanks for your replies!
    MoonLit I have deleted the dealers number but, I am faced with another problem. I have around a gram of dope sitting at home, (I have been away working for these 7-8 months with my gf) and to be honest I want to throw it away, but I know as soon as I get it in my hands I'm going to want to open it just to have a little look, then a look will turn in to smelling it, and smelling it will turn in to taking it. I know ill be all strong in my head like "yeah I'll throw it" now but I know as soon a I am faced with it I'll crack and I don't want to but it's inevitable.
    The talking to family and friend thing I also cannot do, I come from a very small family who all hugely look down ok drugs (especially heroin which I'll go on to explain) when I was growing up I had a heroin and crack addict step dad who made mine and my mothers life hell for around 5-6 years so I can't talk to my mum about it because she will expect me to know better, my dad is a lawyer who is so up his own arse that he looked at me like a just shot up dope infront of him when I told him I smoked weed. My friends are all hoot rat wanna be gangsters who all also look down on all drugs apart from weed, I mean they are all thieves and robbers, yet they look down on drugs, I'd rather be a dope head then be a theif or robber... On the plus side I do have one friend who is coming off dope also and said he would hook me up with a few suboxones if I'm going through bad wd's, and apart from my gf ( who basically isn't my gf now ) he is the only one I can talk to about it.....

    Another thing I'm quite scared about is that I am also thinking about shooting up quite alot now, I have never done it before... But literally all I can think about lately is shooting up, I have spoke to my friend about my recent thoughts and he strongly advises me not to, he said it will literally be the beginning of the end...

    I don't know..... I have been watching YouTube vids of proper junkies who literally have nothing telling people not to and blah blah, but even that still doesn't seem to fight my desire to shoot up, have you ever shot up?
    Does it literally control your first life after the first spike like my friend said? And will other roa's work after shooting up?

    Thanks guys!
     
  5. hamsterdam

    hamsterdam Silver Member

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    Having access to the stuff absolutely will make you find an excuse to use it. You have to get rid of whatever you have left, otherwise that bag will eventually find it's way into your body at some point.

    Swim kicked his amphetamine habit a while back, but kept getting the prescriptions because he was selling it, and eventually started using it again because he had a few hundred pills laying around, whereas if he didn't have any access to it he wouldn't have gone through the trouble to obtain it. This, mind you, was after swim felt great about kicking the habit and said he wouldn't use again. So take it from someone with experience, don't keep any of that shit around if you really want to quit for good.
     
  6. Research-Chemist

    Research-Chemist

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    I hear that dude, thanks for your reply.

    I know that's what I should do, but the thing is when I see it I will get the feelings of wd's even though I havent thouched the stuff in months... It's weird but it's happened to me before, i got clean for a couple months and I found an oxy laying around in my room and I was shaking like a feind untill I snorted it.

    I'm just gonna have to be strong, although I know what's gonna happen :(
     
  7. hamsterdam

    hamsterdam Silver Member

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    Honestly, what I would do if I were you is either

    A) Accept the fact that you're a junkie and will always be a junkie. I pretty much did this myself, just accepted the fact that I'm going to use when I feel like it. Try to use in moderation if you can, this REALLY helps. I don't use on a daily basis anymore, and the fact that I do use when I really want to makes it so I don't think about it every day.
    B) Make a complete and full effort to quit and get clean. This means you have to get rid of everything. Go to rehab if you have to, do whatever you have to do to accomplish it.

    Don't torture yourself with abstaining then relapsing and hating yourself for it, then getting clean for a while again, then relapsing again for some bullshit excuse and hating yourself again for it. Trying to get clean and then staring at a bag you have left every day thinking about using it but forcing yourself to not do it is just counterproductive and putting yourself in (psychlogical) pain that you don't need to.
     
  8. Research-Chemist

    Research-Chemist

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    Hmmm i know what your saying, I have admitted this to myself and i know what i am...

    I know what the withdrawals from heroin is like, and i dont want to go through it again... but i know im going to break...

    I think i will do what you say and use in moderation, like once or twice a week... or try to.....

    anyways thanks for your advice....

    also what do you use?

    heroin or amphetamine?
     
  9. Twizal

    Twizal

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    Hi mate, just a few things, glad you're here, this is a crappy stage to be at . It's a sea -saw in your head . Those whispers seem to get you out of the blue. Try to remember they are still your thoughts and you can tell them to piss right off....but it's hard. The shaking isn't W/D it's the adrenaline pumping in anticipation. I had a friend that threw up every time before he I'v d.
    What to do from here? Be very ,very sure you want to go the I'v route. You are in torment now with a bag that you are considering snorting....I v it and I think you'll find that last vestige of control will be lost.
    Read again some of the posts in recovery ,once there ,it's a bloody long hard road back.
    Some folks may be able to control their use, but the vast majority can't. You seem to have a lot going for you. Are you prepared to toss your job, good friends,family, home, possessions just to feel sick and using to get away from rattling? Of course not every one gets hooked first time I'v, but all I'v users took that first one.
    However, if you make that choice , it's yours to make mate...read ALL the posts on safe I v injecting. If you can't find them let us know. Make sure you prepare everything properly. Be as safe as you can. Try to have someone with you who is experienced in case things go wrong.
    Finally the craving will go..in time . Read up on the posts (again) lots of info on how to deal with it on DF .
    You are on the edge mate, choose wisely and stay safe. Btw regardless what you do , make sure you keep posting we are all here to help. No one judges, you won't offend anyone by not taking their particular advice.
    XX oh and welcome to DF.
     
  10. Research-Chemist

    Research-Chemist

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    Thanks for the warm welcome and your reply :)

    Yeah im pretty sure I want to IV, but as I said in the previous post I dont have anyone to supervise me whilst high....

    Any advice on IV'ing alone?

    also what is the difference between taking it intravenously and snorting..... I know there is a rush but can you explain what this rush is like and weather the rush is worth it....

    and im not sure they do go in time, i have been clean for 8 months now and I cant stop thinking about heroin, even worse i cant stop thinking about IV'ing heroin...

    it sucks though because i know what it feels like and i also know that NOTHING in life will ever feel as good as heroin makes you feel, not even sex.. i mean sex is great, but heroin is heroic.... hence the name lol...

    i wish i never took that first oxy, that was what made me get in to opiates properly, and now i feel as if ill take opiate my whole life....

    and yeahh ill keep posting, its good to be able to talk to people who can relate, as said in my previous post all my friends are anti drug so that kinda sucks :( oh well iv got you guys of DF now :)


    thanks guys...
     
  11. MoonLitCrystal

    MoonLitCrystal Titanium Member

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    RC, I know where you're coming from. I have never IVed either, and a lot of times I am very curious about it. I know what it's like to have morphine hit you all at once, as the doctors have put that in my IV at the hospital. I'm sure I would fucking love it & I would probably never turn back.

    What keeps me from doing it is the knowledge that things usually go downhill very, very quickly after you start shooting. Hubby was an IV user for a while and he can tell some horror stories. You get a lot sicker a lot faster if you shoot up. Then you start that dreaded cycle of using just so you don't get sick. I've already lost everything due to pills and crack, so I know what it's like to be at rock bottom. As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to go there again!
     
  12. sam4345

    sam4345 Newbie

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    I have never used an IV myself either. I have been curious at times but I tell myself that I already love what I do enough and don't want to add another thing to crave. Since I have never done it I don't "crave" it, I'm just curious. Also, my friends who went IV route would go downhill really quick. I'm not saying that is how it would be for everyone but I do think it's a dangerous road for many people. It can be scary due to over dose plus getting track marks. Basically, I know myself and think for me personally that I would start getting out of Control quick.

    Regarding desire, I don't think it will every completely go away. I think it's all about learning how to control your mind and decisions. This is something that can take lots of time and learning. It's frustrating how hard it truly is. I always tell people when I have no opiates that I always feel "hungry" for them. It's like you are always starving for opiates and can't feel content with out them. This is what I need to learn how to deal with.
     
  13. dornacher750

    dornacher750

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    congrats on your 7 to 8 months

    throw that stuff away and continue that good path your on !

    I wish you happiness and success
     
  14. zoe desschaneult

    zoe desschaneult Newbie

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    yo don't abort that shit before you have your baby (9 mos)

    other option would be thorazine lobotomy, totally jacks your dopamine receptors you wouldn't like anything anymore but at least the cravings would be gone.

    i've thought about it myself... just to have myself committed to some loony bin just so i can be locked down and regulated the rest of my life. it would be better than the slide, grind and trip that is being a junky
     
  15. eggomyeggo

    eggomyeggo

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    What usually happened for me was I would resist while on methadone for a few months (2-3) and then I'd go and use one time or one night. This few months clean I finally feel much more free of the psychological part of the addiction. Before I would randomly start feel like using and I couldn't stop thinking about it. If I didn't use when I really felt like it I would be so depressed for about three hours! It was annoying. For some reason all the disgusting things and pain in the ass it is to find some good dope and then wonder if there is some cut in it that will kill me plus driving half an hour really makes it so unappealing to me these days. I think it just takes time my friend. Each person gets over the psychological addiction at different times. The physical addiction is easy compared to the psychological which can take years. I find doing stuff like volunteering, working, or going to school helps a huge amount to. Even hanging out with non-user friends often is good. You got to keep busy!
     
  16. SmellyDawg

    SmellyDawg

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    The desire will never go away. But it is possible to quit. My friend's wife coming out from prison after a year sentence, managed to refrain from using heroin even though her husband was smoking it in front of her. She went for NA meetings and she told herself that trying it back once again will slowly lead you back to the tunnel. You got to resist even trying it. Whenever the thought of using came to her head, she will try to divert her thoughts to something else. This is a very tedious process but it is possible to quit but the desires will still be in your mind. Every time you are about to think about using heroin, try to shun away the thought. The longer you fantasize about using, the more your cravings become stronger and this will take you steps nearer to using.
     
  17. Helene

    Helene Gold Member

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    I'd love to tell you yes, but even after all these years, all it takes is a bad day at work, or an argument with your significant other, and more often than not the first thing that comes to mind is saying "fuck it all, I'm off to score".

    I guess that's why it's nearly always impossible to maintain "recreational" use once you've had a habit.

    It never goes away.

    I'm seriously beginning to believe that part of the brain is rewired slightly, by all those years of heroin use. You can never undo the brain's memory of those neurological pathways that heroin use creates; sure, with genuine recovery you can put something else in place to trick those neurones into believing that a connection made by something innocent and honest like your old, bog standard happiness is more rewarding, but... well it's always still there. You can't retract the knowledge or the experience.
     
  18. SmellyDawg

    SmellyDawg

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    I am wondering heroin will be still intact in your memory after maybe a severe head injury which resulted in loss of memory especially everything like people, etc.
     
  19. CORNROWS

    CORNROWS Silver Member

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    I believe the craving will never go away. Kratom is what saved my life. I'm a kratom addict but it makes it so that I don't NEED to score, even though I do think about it every day. The best thing is probably to live somewhere that you can't get dope. I find it's worse when you live in a place where you know it's very close... And please don't IV or it will be over. With Kratom I have been able to use only on weekends, keep my tolerance down, not get sick, and keep my life! The cravings are relentless though, even with a replacement opiate. Suboxone actually is really good but I am too scared of it's own WD.
     
  20. Kev 94

    Kev 94 Silver Member

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    Its been over 10years from swims heroin addiction, and swim was on the gear for a good few years. It seems like the cravings will never go away but they eventually almost completely went away for swim. When you give up for say like you for 7-8 months and a very well done and respect to you for that. Start getting the thoughts of how low you got on the withdrawls and how much money youve spent on heroin and eventually if you cut yourself of from the heroin scene completely then your mind gets overridding with negative thoughts of opiates and they can override the cravings, it worked for swim. But you need to have been off the gear for over 6 months swim would say.

    I hear the drug subutex is good for cutting off the physcological cravings for heroin and opiates a lot more than methadone. Swim still all though he didnt have a physical addction to heroin anymore because of the meth he still wanted to go out and score and thats why many use on top of their script so I hear this about subutex.

    Youve done 7-8 months without thats comendable just think of the negative aspects of heroin and opiates and and it should sink in and take away the cravings,,,i really wish you well and again respect on what you have achievced so far,,,,,o.k group,,

    Take Care,,

    Kev,,