Now before i say anything about my experience, i have to say im not an advocate of any drug per say - Or at least was not until i did E.Before i did E i had tried drinking, pot and speed, in that order. Now obviously i can't give an absolute hypothesis on each drug since i had only done each no more than 4 times each. But this is my limited experience: Pot: - Feel Relaxed and everything just fades and blends into this frame of not caring. Everything feels good, but not great, and its not really worth remembering what you do on pot. Speed: - A fun drug, ive only done it twice. But it's fun if you just want to impress people and relate in real world terms (seemingly) better and faster. I seem to play computer games better, and conversations are fun. Although kind of endless. And finally and most importantly Ecstasy. It was my first time, my uncle (of all people) invited me to do an E with his crowd (they are all over 30's - But seem younger). So i finally thought, why not, why not give an important aspect of life a trial before i suddenly get hit by a speeding motorist ON E himself. But i came in negative, i had never seen anyone on the drug, i have never seen a movie or picture or anything to describe what its like. And when i arrived at their place, i was shy. "Hi..." i whispered from the far edge of the room, where i had pulled over a single computer chair and was sort of avoiding eye contact with everyone. My uncle introduced me to them, and they sat around each other engaging in conversation. I did not really care that much about. I was in my own world of inhibitions and self doubt, and i did not even feel like being there all that much. (i am not the party type of person). They felt my distance and detected some kind of barrier from me, (or at least that’s what i thought, because i think that about everyone i meet everywhere). I was nervous and somewhat ashamed that i had been convinced into taking an E, not at anyone who convinced me, but at myself for shaming the fact that i had determined never to do drugs in my life and live clean (im a 21 year old pure vegetarian), so this was more than daring from my perspective. My uncle semi explained this to them, but not even as much as the reality of living it. So then i was kind of relying on this drug being something special, but not at all in the way that it WAS special, i just expected some dizziness and perhaps some kind of much needed confidence boost. So after a reasonably long uncomfortable gap of time around these strangers, i almost felt like coming up with a reason to leave. Not that any of them seemed like bad people, quite the opposite. I just find it stressful to be around people not inherently like myself. This was my mistake, for not understanding that we are a human race, and every person has a side to them, that you WISHED you had. That you dreamed of gaining yourself. So i waited.... in my silent corner, i did not tell a joke in case someone did not understand my humor, and i did not really feel like moving, in case someone noticed me. At long last, cups where spread around and a capsule was emptied into a cup. And handed to me, at this time i believe two or three of the 7 people (including me) had taken theirs, one of the males there was drunk, and i was reasonably off put by this, because it does not suit my (then) limited way of thinking. I drank up, and sat on the couch, a long time passed. I was just sitting there, feeling out of place, feeling quite alone, i knew my uncle quite well, but i did not feel like relating to him in the normal way because that would show a fraction of who i was to these strangers, and who are they to judge who i am on first impressions? See, im sure your all thinking right now. What an incredible waste of thought? Right? Exactly. So i waited for the effects to kick in, the darkened room was interesting enough, the ps2 was playing some loud songs which where really having no effect on me. From my perspective, dancing to music was wrong, who would do that. I thought. Limited in my cage of entangled self understanding with nothing else to guide me on. I pulled a fake smile as my uncles, friends girlfriend sat beside me and asked how i felt, i felt perfectly fine. But in no way different from an hour ago when i had first taken the pill, i don’t normally converse with girls all that much at any length, so i just wanted her to leave. Not in a bad, i dont like you kind of way, it was more of a "I cannot stand what i look like from someone else’s eyes" kinda feeling. This would be my mind frame even if i looked like brad pitt, and i had lived my dysfunctional life. It had nothing to do with what i looked like, just with the way my mind functioned due to being alone, or living with people who are mentally unstable. For so long. Anyway, back to the point. The conversation was linear and nothing like what my mind sounds like, nothing like the real me, but this could be said about every conversation i had had up to this point in my life with anyone, ANYONE. (I was home schooled, so i had a select group of friends, who where quite different to everyone else - i thought this to be normal). So i said whatever would be the best for me to be considered a normal person. Then people started to act differently, they started to dance around, lay down, and i believe i even saw someone massaging someone elses shoulder. This made me very uncomfortable, and i thought the mood was sleazy. I hate sleazy moods, and started to fear what i would become.(I am 6.5' So you can imagine this could be quite scary). So i almost did not want to be effected. My uncle came up to me with a big smile on his face and asked me something along the lines of "are you having fun yet" ... what i question, how could this ever be fun. What i had i done. Why was i here. This drug is not working. I want to go home and do some more screenwriting for movies, if i leave would it be impolite? --- These where my thoughts. Someone pointed out my palms where sweating, now the music was blaring so loud that my ears where hurting, i was feeling a little more comfortable then usual, but i just assumed that something i ate beforehand agreed with me. I never really liked techno music, or trance, or whatever its called, i neither disliked or liked it. It just was. But now I was starting to have a little bit of a faulted conversation with the girl next to me, But I always have interesting things to say, I just choose not to say them because it will seem odd to the millions of human ants living out their lives with ‘normal’ ‘unaffected’ mentalities. And even this conversation reached not a fraction of a percent of what I am capable of. I checked to see if she has sweaty palms, and she did. It seemed to be working on everyone. Except me. Damn. I had the symptoms of it working on me, but it was not. Another hour passed. Everyone was now dancing around, having fun from a place I could not entirely pinpoint. I stared in confusion, and felt like a statue in a eruption of embarrassing colors that I did not need or want. Another check from my uncle, “are you feeling it yet?” …. “no, not at all” I honestly answered, I did not want them to think I was having that kind of fun .It was then that I wondered if they where all faking it, if it was some joke that they where playing on me. My uncle was starting to get confused why it had not kicked it, he was obviously having fun, but I could see he was concerned why I was still mentally sober. I have an extremely strong mind, so he thought for a split second it was possible that I was fighting it to the ground, which was probably true. So they pulled me up, and started to punch at me.” What was this” I thought. My hands where now quite sweaty, and the colors in the room seemed pretty clear as well as certain pulsations in the music. But I felt nothing significant. Then something happened, clicked, inside of me. And I needed to sit down. The sensation was overwhelming, and then everything became quite snappy. Everything seemed to become a notch more alive. When someone came up to me and said something I would normally cower from, I ducked my head down and asked them what they where saying to me. But this was still something that would barely compare to speed. But I was happy with the results, so much in fact that I sat down on the chair and decided to enjoy this new sensation. “mmmm” I murmured to myself. “This is quite nice” But I would not admit defeat; I was not going to give into this drug. I was better than that. Then, at some point I cannot place. It all suddenly made sense, what everyone had been doing suddenly made sense. All my friends where here waiting, they where here waiting for me to FIND them inside the shell of this drug. I was an outsider to these people when they where feeling the effects. Because I had not been there, in the place where you KNOW everyone is your friend. Where you KNOW everyone just does whatever they feel like, because they feel like doing it, not because they are sick and perverted, or they want something sexual, or they care about what you care about. All that is suddenly irrelevant, suddenly something that is entirely silly. Who cares about anything, ANYTHING, when you feel like this. That is what I felt. That knowledge of happiness. I needed to express my care and love for everyone on this drug, I wished there where more people, all on the drug at the same time. So we all KNEW, simply KNEW. End of story. We knew that the other person was part of the inside circle of new friends, we knew that its all ok now, no matter what we do, everyone else will understand and care about it. It felt like freedom. What E does, is it explains to you without words or meanings, that everyone is now your friend, and all you have to do is walk up to them, and you know they will come back with love and understanding. I thought as the wave of joy passed through my body, “this is the way we where meant to be baby, this is happiness, there is not explanation for what im feeling. I’m just feeling, and that should be enough for anyone. And it was, that was the thing about it. People could just feel, I was understanding, they where understanding, we where all understanding. It all made sense that they just needed to enjoy themselves, I love these people. I really like there way, they are all cool people .Why did I not ever see this before, ah who cares, I just have to enjoy these seconds of pleasure without thinking. I’m just going to sit here and enjoy them. Aaaaaaaaaaaa. This feels good. This is what is commonly referred to as a peak, I was peaking my fucking head off. But how was I to know this was going to last for hours? After this point I really forget a lot, its hard to remember the order things happened, and who said what to to. Some things I do remember are. Someone asking me if im alright, me slowly turning my head in their direction and saying “Im fucking great” I remember being convinced to go outside to the beach – then loss I remember walking towards the beach across the road, and thinking how everything I do is exiting. And then I spotted people walking a few blocks away from us, and me proclaiming “Watch out!!! NORMAL PEOPLE” “watch out” then loss. I remember now wanting to go to the beach, because I was happy where I was. I remember thanking everyone for having the brilliant idea of going to the beach and them all mumbling back to me “its ok mate, you did not know, we understand” I remember walking along the beach and telling everyone how cool I thought they where. Occasionally I said how I loved this drug, only to receive a few more pleasure moans of “Yeah, mate we told you” and the occasional “yeah, this drug is the best” I remember looking at someone walking around in the surf, and me being confused. I remember us joining in a big circle and holding hands…. Then blank. Then the entire beach section is blank. I remember we took a short trip back to my uncles house, and me constantly babbling about how I love that we changed pace. And how I never realized it before, but its great to change pace. We have to remember this, I mean it, we have to remember this. I said. I remember, people just staring at me. And me getting a little freaked out. I remembered trying to dance, when I had no idea how. But it barely mattered. And eventually, the cooldown. The music because the same thing. Everyone was still cool, and I still liked them. But I was tired. And had completely lost track of everything. (more to come about the after effects in real life) Edit: Oh thats right. And everyone was massaging everyone else. And i even massages other dudes and did not care.Weird.