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Experience Report - Going with the flow of healing

Discussion in 'Magic Mushrooms (Psilocybe & Amanita)' started by Adas, Sep 23, 2017.

  1. Adas

    Adas Silver Member

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    Hey friends! I'd like to share with you some of my trip that happened yesterday. I took 5.6g fresh Psilocybe cubensis (equivalent to ~0.56g dried). Please note this was the PESA variety, VERY potent, not your typical "cube".

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    I came home, replenished vitamins and minerals, unpacked the mushrooms and went for it. Smell was intense, taste was strange, but not unpleasant. I laid down and listened to some chill music. I soon began feeling my jaw tremble. Soon my entire body was having these trembling attacks (like when you have fever). I was nervous, but not anxious. I didn't overthink it and decided to trust the mushroom. I was relatively chill and waited for a change in mind state. There came a point where it felt good to finally turn off the music and get silent.

    The come-up was also pretty long. May have lasted 45 - 60 minutes. I felt like it was a decent dose, mild visuals were present, it was easy to stop feeling my body, etc. Much more potent than your typical cubensis. I felt I was in it already, but was a bit confused. I thought "what am I supposed to do now?". Nothing really seemed appropriate, so I tried to chill even more, and a few minutes later I began having a slight sense of direction. I could feel my mind "dissolving", I knew what was happening and tried to meditate through this all. There were all these words and thoughts passing by, but I was trying to focus.

    This first part felt more on the "dark" spectrum, but I wouldn't label it as negative, it was still manageable and I would say even mostly neutral. I visualized the state of dissolved mind I was in, and how it then comes back and creates the structure of my ego (and world as I know it) back again. I have realized the potential of such dissolved mind and its capabilities. Our normal state is a lot of the time a bit too rigid.

    At one point I sat up, closed my eyes and meditated. My body felt like it has dissolved and I was in a trance-like state. It was very similar to a sleep-wake transition, mild noises from outside kept "waking me up" slightly, creating tiny waves on an otherwise totally calm surface. Very deep meditative state, I could feel my mind being defragmented automatically. After this I laid down and heard tinnitus (strangely, at times it was like nitrous oxide sounds). I've realized I could manipulate its frequency. When the frequency went down, I was seeing a tornado-like flow of energy with larger diameter, when I brought the frequency up, the diameter got smaller and energy flow got much faster (sounded sorta like jet engine). I've spent a few minutes focusing on this energy flow. It was also a meditative state, letting the energies in my being flow freely, without any restrictions. Expelling all the bullshit, making me more complete. The "good" and "bad" stuff got dismantled into strands, and the tornado was taking up the strands from both the good and the bad and woving them together into something non-dual. Being complete means to embrace both the good and the bad - as one.

    After this I opened my eyes and just laid in bed. Felt cleansed, renewed, like a child. Connected to my heart (emotions). As if all my reset buttons were hit, it felt very healing. When I was smiling or making faces, it reminded me of how other people make faces and I felt like them. To be more precise, multiple different faces could be felt at different points. As far as I can recall, all were feminine. Probably has something to do with the gentleness and beauty of the female face, and I felt certain attributes of these on my own face. To be specific, I felt the face of my ex-GF, one girl I have no idea who she is, and at least one other that I can remember.

    Generally, my body image was greatly improved. When I stood up it felt like the mushrooms fixed my bad posture to an extent. I've been having all these amazing thoughts, insights, and fun time overall just pondering. I felt differently about people. I felt empathy instead of bitterness and distrust.

    I went downstairs to see my mom. We talked for a bit, I could clearly feel how caught up she was in her default mode network. As we were talking she kept interrupting me without listening, etc. It didn't feel good but whatever. I went for a walk outside, which felt refreshing, everything was a bit more alive and immersive, I still didn't feel completely "in place", still a bit shattered, but I was managing it quite well.

    At the end I've had 2 beers and a dinner which finally stopped all the effects, I was back to ground zero again. Felt a bit exhausted, but it wasn't too bad.

    This was my first trip after more than a year of abstinence. I have learned so much about consciousness, philosophy and the mind in the meantime. I have grown and moved so much as a person. And it was the right time to take it. I could feel how different my attitude was during the experience. I wasn't taking anything too seriously, I took it easy, some meditation skill also helped. Before I tended to struggle with these experiences. I was confused and didn't like it. This time I even embraced the confusion. All the work was SO worth it!

    I feel like I'm really getting closer to true mystical consciousness. Getting familiar and okay even with strongly altered states of mind is very important. If you can handle psychedelic experiences, you are more likely to handle everyday life well. If you struggle with these experiences, feel confused and "dissolved", you might still be living in a paradigm that doesn't let you open up fully to the experience. Mental walls we create are an obstacle and prevent us from receiving the amazing healing these plant medicines can give us. It's not to say the experience was easy, I have struggled at certain moments, but remained calm. I knew it would all pass.

    I also got the insight that you don't have to DO anything during the experience. The mushrooms will do all the healing for you, automatically. Just don't stand in the fucking way when the medicine wants to do its healing. If you resist or try to control it, it'll be like standing in the way of a train. You're gonna get buttraped hard. Just trust it and let it work. I did just that and received the most amazing healing ever. It was healing on an energetic level. Anyone who has experienced that, knows. Others have no idea what it means. But it's very real.

    You don't deconstruct the psychedelic experience, the psychedelic experience deconstructs YOU. Literally. And that's why it's so healing (or scary). I've had ZERO negative emotions/flashbacks from the bad trip that happened last year. My perspective has changed completely, got over it fully. Even though this was a positive healing experience, it made me more aware how dangerous it might be for newbies to just jump into it. It's a completely new state of mind and a guide is highly recommended. A lot of the time the psychedelic experience first requires you to do some inner work (defragmentation) before it allows you to experience the euphoria and lightness. That way you have earned it and it's something that can last beyond the experience itself.

    It also showed me that we, humans, are just like other animals. We are emotional beings. We need emotional security, love and all that. Why push it away instead of embracing it? We are MASTERS of isolation. We can isolate sterile cultures, tissues, atoms, molecules. We can isolate practically everything. Even ourselves - from each other, the environment, animals and our higher self. This gave me empathy and understanding for animals like dogs. They are truly connected to their emotions because they don't have a very developed thinking mind. Thinking creates boundaries. There's no reason why we should see ourselves "higher" than other beings. The only thing that's higher is our ego.

    One does not become a mystic overnight (or "overtrip"). It's a long journey, lifelong I would say, and most of the work is done sober. It's hard work, but that's necessary if you want to master anything.

    Congratulations if you managed to read the whole lenghty report! I hope you've enjoyed it, gained insight, and I hope this will help some fellow psychonauts navigate their trips better. :) Take care!
     
  2. Thinking_Iris

    Thinking_Iris Silver Member Newbie

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    Cool trip report I enjoyed reading that, its got some good content for beginners too. I like the bit about animals, I took a psychedelic once and turned into an animal and I think you are quite right.
    I have them frequencies you talk about in my sober state, I understand that they are a mechanism and certain frequencies run different algorithms. Now you are aware of them you can learn how to apply them, do you remember any of the frequencies you used??
    I think psychedelics aren't always an automatic heal some you have to engage in but all do both. I believe one always has to put work into it.
    Psilocybin always does this to me, I notice I stand tall when I walk. I always thought it was something to do with serotonin, who knows.
    I get this all the time as well, I think it's to do with the ego being desolved and empathy. When I watch a movie on shrooms I take on thoughts and feelings of the characters like I am them. If I am caught up in a day dream or fantasy I take on the faces thing you talk about. Also maybe it has to do with the healing process of expression.
    I think this is definitely to do with the fact psilocybin raises prolactin. It is a hormone that lets mammals produce breast milk. It does a lot of different things through out the body including metabolism and immune system. Generally prolactin increases nurturing kind of feelings, I'm not surprised you would think of females and talking to them. Sort of recently I was reading into how I can lactate and found that psilocybin increases prolactin, the penny dropped and I understand why I think about certain things when I'm shroomed.
    I took some shrooms the other week, I was told it was enough for 4 people and I ate them all cause I thought it didn't look like very many. Yeah fresh dose and dried are very different, I found out the hard way and felt well and truly dismantled. It disturbed me and I've felt unstable ever since. I can't say it's getting any better but it did remind me of things I need to work on.
     
  3. Adas

    Adas Silver Member

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    Thanks for the response man! I have always wondered whether people experienced similar things in trips that I do. That's why I usually make my reports very detailed and point out the unusual.

    The frequencies were literally just sound frequency that I could increase or decrease. I have tinnitus normally, but can't modulate its frequency. It was not so much about me playing with it, more about the energy just flowing.

    The prolactin hypothesis is interesting, but I personally don't think it's plausible. Anything that increases dopamine increases prolactin as well (and prolactin inhibits dopamine release). I really think it has more to do with unique characteristics of Psilocybin experience, and it bringing up our feminine characteristics. Reminding us of our gentleness and vulnerability, but also beauty. That's what it is to me. :)

    I have had a bad trip last year, pretty traumatizing, but I mostly got over it in a month, and continued to gain more insight into it throughout the year as I grew more and more. Work on yourself man, study consciousness and philosophy, I find that helps. :)
     
  4. Somewhere in the middle

    Somewhere in the middle The Fairy Princess Silver Member Supporter Donating Member

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    @Adas .

    That was truly beautiful and inspiring. Recently I have gotten frustrated and given up in defeat as to ever finding psilocybin, which also cut out my daily walks. Reading this has given me a new sense of determination...

    These walks are not just about seeking for what I am searching for, but also a means to feel the air and earth flow through me as I ground myself and find that inner peace.

    I Will never let anything interfere with that again.

    Thank you!
    S*IM :)
     
  5. Adas

    Adas Silver Member

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    Wow, I'm so glad my report helped you in such an unusual way! :) Never forget who you are. And if you do, get back on track. :)

    On a side note, cubensis can be cultivated outdoors if you know how. It just needs to be spring/summer.
     
  6. Somewhere in the middle

    Somewhere in the middle The Fairy Princess Silver Member Supporter Donating Member

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    @Adas
    What type of climate?
     
  7. Adas

    Adas Silver Member

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    Doesn't matter, but they like higher temperatures. For more info you'll have to go to Shroomery or talk to me off the site because discussion about mush growing is not allowed.
     
  8. Somewhere in the middle

    Somewhere in the middle The Fairy Princess Silver Member Supporter Donating Member

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    No problem. :) Just wondering about climate because of where I live. Thanks @Adas
     
  9. Thinking_Iris

    Thinking_Iris Silver Member Newbie

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    It is different than tinnitus, so I'd imagine it could be hard separating the two. I was using frequencies for energy flow earlier smoking tobacco. I've been racking my brain trying to remember when hearing frequencies started and I think amanita installed it permanently in me although salvia has seems to have its own set of sounds. It's become more predominant in my sober state since I stopped drinking fluoride water, cue dmt theories lol. I got frequencies for energy and posture, I believe there is full library we can tap into. I think there is more to them sounds and more than can be done with them. Accessing different states of mind can activate them, if you read into astral projection a lot of people hear tones there too.
    I've never thought about psilocybin mushrooms being feminine, I've always considered them genderless unlike other substances which are clearly female. I think you are definitely right about it being a vulnerability thing, being completely untangled can certainly leave one feeling fragile.