How do i know if it’s cocaine?

Discussion in 'Family & friends' started by Helping a friend, Apr 15, 2019 at 10:45 AM.

  1. Helping a friend

    Helping a friend Newbie

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    Hi all,
    I’ve got a few reasons to suspect my husband of using cocaine and I want to either help, or at least have the opportunity to leave before we decide to have kids if he’s lying to me & doesn’t want to stop. The other angle to this is I could be completely wrong as I have no real idea about drugs, having never tried them or had circles of friends who have.

    There’s no majorly obvious sign but there are reasons for me to be suspicious;
    - he used to use it recreationally when younger & he used to sell it before he quit selling 9 years ago when we met & I found out & gave him the choice of me or his “business”
    - he has suffered heart palpitations
    - he struggles sleeping, sometimes no sleep or 1-2 hours a night
    - he’s lost jobs in the past (several) because of absences relating mainly to lack of sleep
    - he has really bad sinuses and congestion (but he says he has all his life since being a child)
    - he’s never really had payslips from jobs and just tells me what he’s paid each month and it seems lower than it should be (but I admit I could be being paranoid here). I earn more than him and so we just find it easier to share money so he’ll tell me what he’s been paid, we’ll pay bills, put some away to save and then share what’s left
    - he has stomach problems but won’t go the doctors. Frequently he will be to and from the toilet

    The main reason is that a few times (not often I do this) I’ve got up in the night to get a drink or see where he is as it’s 3:30am and he’s not in bed. He’s shoved the sofa across the living room door so I can’t get in. I’ve had a number of excuses in the past; that he’s smoking out the window and he doesn’t want the smoke get through (doesn’t seem bother him when I’m sitting in the living room with him and he’s smoking out the window). He’s also changed it to he’s having heart palpitations and doesn’t want me panic (we’ve recently both been for a free heart test and his results came back fine). His more common excuse is he’s wanking and would be embarrassed if I walked in (he’s not at all shy about sex but I get that any guy would probably not want someone, even their wife, to see them wanking to porn).

    So anyway, we’d been drinking in the day Saturday. I fell asleep really unusually early at 8:30pm and woke at 3:30am dying for a drink. The door was blocked by the sofa! Took him about 3-4 mins sort himself out and let me in. I was pissed off and didn’t want wake up so I ignored him and didn’t really look at him.

    Next morning, I went on a search. My friend told me to look out for “baggies”. I went in his weed box... (I know he smokes weed. He doesn’t smoke loads; maybe a small spliff a night when I’ve gone bed). I don’t love that he does it but it’s not a problem in our relationship. He knows I’d be opposed to anything stronger though; I’ve made it clear. I found a few small bags and some of them (shown in my picture) had lots of white powdery residue. I felt it and it’s powdery. My friend told me to put it on my gum to see if it went numb but I’m a wimp and didn’t want to put it in my mouth.

    So I confronted him. He swears blind it’s not cocaine, it’s the crystals from his weed. My friend already told me if he uses this as an excuse, it’s wrong because weed crystals are yellow or green. I don’t know what to believe. I said if he told me the truth we could work through it but I can’t forgive him if he lies now and I find out the truth in future. He did reassure me but he wouldn’t swear on my life it wasn’t coke... he said he would never swear on my life regardless. He seemed so believable but the evidence is there... how can I ignore it??

    I was going to get a urine test but I see that it’s out of the system probably quicker than one would be delivered.

    I just need to know the truth. Am I completely stupid to believe this white powdery stuff in the bag is crystals from his weed over time? Or is that possible?

    Thanks so much for any advice you can give. I could ask more opinions but I just don’t like getting people we know involved.
    --- Double Post Merged, Apr 15, 2019 at 11:35 AM ---
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  2. Apple.brain

    Apple.brain Newbie

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    He's Obvious on top of being somewhat wasteful.
    Marriage makes things worse.
    Sex on coke is like having whisky dick for many guys.
    (Limp, cant get hard, etc)
    That's not weed stuff, unless weed is code for something else.
    Cocaine will definitely keep you awake for no reason.

    The jig is up.
    Hopefully he does helpful projects around the house since ya, you know.
     
  3. TheBigBadWolf

    TheBigBadWolf Imperial Wizzard Gold Member Donating Member

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    Hallo @Helping a friend
    How do you know?

    You have found these baggies of which I want to tell you I have big doubt that the remains inside have anything to do with weed.
    Marijuana trichomes (the little resin filled tubes you called "crystals") don't look like these.
    Now you got these baggies, what you need to find out what the residue is is either a reagent test set or a simple test sticks, both of which you get more info on when you go to our reviews section and look for the cocaine tests. If it is possible that it might be methamphetamine or another different substance a reagent test set would be appropriate, if it can only be cocaine the test is available as a stick.
    Simply read up on testing, and if you have more questions as to that feel free to ask in the Drug Testing subforum.

    Did you ask him ?
    And what did he answer, if so?

    I always found out during my long enduring relationships that straight ahead asking and answering is the best one (two) can do. I suppose that -if he is using- he has a shameladen feeling towards it because he knows you do not like him take drugs. This was a good enough reason for me, before I was bold enough to open up to my girlfriend's, to hide my behaviour .
    I eventually realised that any trust we had built up got rotten with hiding and lying.

    I wish you all the best. See you around.

    BBW
     
  4. Colliemom3

    Colliemom3 Titanium Member

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    I can’t say an absolutely, positive, rock hard yes or no, I don’t know him. BUT BBW’s idea of testing the residue is a good one, if you want to do that.

    However, weed doesn’t leave white powder in a bag. He is capitalizing and counting on your naivety about drugs to make you gullible enough to buy his BS. It is BS you know. I do have to tell you that tasting the powder wouldn’t have one iota of effect on you besides taste and mouth feel so you needn’t worry about that. However given you have never used coke or speed, tasting or rubbing it would be an exercise in futility. You have no idea what either of those things taste like nor the mouth feel anyway.

    I am old and mean and not particularly shy about pushing HARD for some solid answers from a partner when they act as shady as your husband. That shit of barricading you from the living room at 3:30am to jack-off (Bwahahaha)is one of the worst, most blatantly ridiculous lies I have ever heard. You have a bathroom I presume.

    The incidents taken alone, except for barricading the living room, which is really sketchy, are not much. Runny snotty nose, insomnia, getting up late at night (see insomnia) are benign on their own but put them ALL together with the imaginary cash paying “job” that he refuses to name, the white, powdery “weed” residue, and the ever-changing excuses for barricading himself, which alone in itself is setting off every liar-alarm in the universe, should give him a red flashing sign on his forehead. He is shady. He is lying. He is doing some type of drug be it coke or speed, you need to get someone to help you confront him for straight answers, if you are not able to be a hard ass and insist on the truth by yourself. Someone who can be your backbone and call bullshit on his ridiculous stories.

    I wish you the best of luck. Personally I think the guy is a lying weasel taking advantage of someone who has no idea about the ins and outs of the drug world, but I hope you get answers. And whatever they are, I wish you peace and a good life going forward, with or without him.
     
  5. Helping a friend

    Helping a friend Newbie

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    Thank you so much for the replies. Honestly, it helps clear things in my mind so much.

    I think his justification for the living room not the bathroom is that the laptops in the living room.

    He doesn’t get paid cash in hand... I know where he works and they pay to his bank but I don’t have access to that which I don’t expect to have but in the past he’s always said he never gets a payslip to itemise his pay. In th past I’ve asked him prove to me he’s not using coke by showing me what he’s been paid and he got really offended and majorly refused saying I should trust him and it’s out of principle.

    I feel like deep down I know it’s happening. I’m an intelligent person but I’m really dumb when it comes to drugs and like you say, he knows that.

    My main problem is how good he was at lying to my face and it makes me question everything.

    Thanks again. I think I’ll get a test. There’s not much in the bags but hopefully it’ll be enough.

    Thank you
    --- Double Post Merged, Apr 15, 2019 at 4:51 PM ---
    Well looks like I can’t do the test since the bags with it in are gone. Maybe that tells me everything I need to know without doing the test.
     
  6. Colliemom3

    Colliemom3 Titanium Member

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    Oh gone eh? Yeah I think you have another clue that he is blowing smoke up your ass, and counting on you folding, as you have always done, and not challenging him. Oh and the being offended that you, his wife, wants to know exactly what his pay amounts to, is SO shady. Why shouldn’t you know, if he is not spending a large chunk of it on shadowy shit he wants to keep from you? Being all wounded and dramatic about “you don’t TRUST me if you want to know what I make. Oh the humanity ~sob~” Yeah just be a hard ass, and “no I actually DON’T trust you, so let’s see your stubs/bank records. Then and only then will I know if you are worthy of trust”.

    He is a master manipulator and knows he can easily manipulate you, giving puppy dog eyes (trust me!), telling you ridiculous fairy tales about EVERY aspect of your discomfort, and knowing you have zero experience to fall back on, he knows you will swallow his lies, but now you know better. Now you see what is in front of you clearly and he will hate that. Oh and his ridiculous story about beating it, barricaded in the living room, because he needs his laptop? Do point out that a laptop is just that - a computer that sits wherever you want it to. Like in a bathroom. Laptops go to all kinds of places besides the living room. That barricading crap burns my ass on your behalf. You have the right to access every part of YOUR house, unless he is dropping a deuce or beating it behind locked bathroom doors. And that has shifty potential, given he disappears to the bathroom constantly.

    I feel so bad for you, I get the impression you are young, and want him to be telling the truth so much that you are closing your eyes and telling yourself “it could happen!” when he spins his yarns. You deserve better, he needs to nut up, be a man for once, and tell you the truth or you may need to take a vacation from the marriage to give you time to think, and him time to realize that maybe you have washed your hands of his bullshit. If you decide to do that, just go stay with a friend, relative, parent for a stretch. You don’t need to run out and immediately rent a new place and all that. Not yet anyway.

    I hope you get the life you deserve, one way or the other.
     
  7. Helping a friend

    Helping a friend Newbie

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    Thank you Collie. I’m 31, married him 5 months ago and we WERE planning on having kids in 6 months or so after eventually saving for a mortgage. My want for it to be false is massive because of all of that but my gut is telling me it’s true. It’s the way he lied so well that has broken me the most. Why not give me the choice to decide if I want to marry someone who uses drugs? He took that choice away from me. Looking in everyone loves us as a couple, they always comment how he’s always so lovely when he talks about me etc. But I feel like I’ve been completely and utterly blind. I says to him yesterday that we could work through it if he’s been doing it but that I couldn’t work through the lies. You’re right, he knows I always buckle. I could go my parents straight away but I worry about telling them because they’d hate him for it as they’re so opposed to drugs. And I know how ridiculous that sounds... that I’m worried about him and how others will think of him.

    The most frustrating thing is him not admitting it. I thought he respected me more than that.

    Thank you for your invaluable advice and well wishes.
     
  8. TheBigBadWolf

    TheBigBadWolf Imperial Wizzard Gold Member Donating Member

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    @Helping a friend

    I was on the other side. I have been the addict who lied and deceived.
    If you actually want to go through a life with a cocaine addict who didn't even tell you before he married you, have the drama every payday and always always always run around with a bad feeling in your guts, then stay with this man.

    My girlfriend did the best for both of us when she decided to separate from me while I was in rehab and couldn't work against the separation.

    I wouldn't have found a way out of she had stayed, too.

    You are responsible for your life, every day you spend unhappy is a sin.

    BBW
     
  9. Helping a friend

    Helping a friend Newbie

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    Thanks BBW. You’re right. Im lost in it all. If he won’t own up I’ve got to leave. He won’t show me his bank account “out of principle that I should trust him” despite him having my cards n PIN numbers whenever he needs them to nip the supermarket etc. My guts never been wrong before so I need to trust it again. Problem is I love him so much but he’s making me hate him at the moment by showing how good he is at lying.
     
  10. Ploxy

    Ploxy Newbie

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    That's coke or ice.. order a tester online and just test it. But in a bag like that its probably ice
    --- Double Post Merged, Apr 16, 2019 at 11:08 AM ---
    Oh and rub on you gums.. if they go numb its coke and if its bitter
    --- Double Post Merged, Apr 16, 2019 at 11:10 AM ---
    Read.. did I not say order a tester?.. shit better yet rub that residue on ur gums and if it goes numb is cocaine
     
  11. TheBigBadWolf

    TheBigBadWolf Imperial Wizzard Gold Member Donating Member

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    Even if you decide to stay and go through this with him you need to put up boundaries that you need to enforce. That will be ultimately straining.
    We have often had people in your situation.
    We had some decide to stay with their significant others.
    What I don't recall is the number of couples who successfully got through the addiction of one person and out on the clean side.
    It must be a very small number.

    Don't misunderstand me, I don't propagate divorces / separations. I only know, how hard it seems in beforehand, it is much easier to work out that issue on one's own than as a (married) couple.
    If the outcome is a good one you can still feel whether there is enough love left for a new beginning.
    Or the road bends to some other way.

    BBW
     
  12. Helping a friend

    Helping a friend Newbie

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    Thank you that’s really good advice. I think step 1 is to see if he’ll be honest with me and take it one step at a time from there.
     
  13. TheBigBadWolf

    TheBigBadWolf Imperial Wizzard Gold Member Donating Member

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    You know that you can be assured that we are here for support and also for advice if you so wish.
    Well, now you know!
    :)
    BBW
     
  14. Helping a friend

    Helping a friend Newbie

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    Thank you very much :)