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i’m in love with a cocaine addict

Discussion in 'Family & friends' started by Tee31, Jun 22, 2004.

  1. Tee31

    Tee31 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    Jun 22, 2004
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we have a 4 year old daughter together. I found out he has been doing crack and coke 3 years ago. Since then, he has gone to different treatment centers, but manage to lose the battle! He started using again and again until I got fed up!!! He has been extremely insecure which brought on jealousy in our relationship. When we make love, he can't stay up and he then blames me for it. Part of me knows it's the drug that's doing this, but I can't take it anymore. I love him so much and I love our family. I left him a month ago, but he still calls wanting me to be there for him while he trys to get some help.

    I've been through this before with him. He goes to the rehabs and after 28 dayshe falls right back in the traps. I feel guity for letting him go through this alone, but I have to keep my sanity for me and our daughter. I just recently joined church and invited him to come with us. He said he would, but I often wonder if he's doing this for me or for himself. He's a good person and a wonderful father to our daughter, but lately, he hasn't been himself since he started back using. I know I can't force him or ask him to choose, he has to want help on his on, but I'm afraid the worst may happen this time. Please, please someone help me to come up with a solution to help him.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2009
  2. davidBuster23

    davidBuster23 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    May 21, 2004
    I'm in no way qualified to give any kind of full solution, but here are some thoughts.

    In general, it is a person's choice whether or not to use drugs regardless of the consequences, and it is also the choice of a person whether or not to stay with a drug addict. He is free to abuse himself and you are free to leave him.

    Things become complicated when there is a child involved. When you have kids, it is your responsibility to put what is best for the child first. That means it is your husband's responsibility to live and behave in a way that is optimal for his daughter. If things will be better for her, he must stop using drugs. It is your responsibility to do what is best for your daughter given your husband's behavior. If he decides not to honor his responsibility, you must take action and do what is best. If that means leaving your husband to fend for himself, then that is what must be done.

    I do not think there is any way to convince anyone of anyting without letting them figure it out for themselves. No drug addict I have ever known has ever listened to logical arguments to stop. They stop when they decide to stop for their own reasons -- something just clicks in their heads and they see the light.There is no way to induce this "click" from outside.

    Finally, although you will be told otherwise by many people, church is most likely not the answer. Unless your husband is deeply religious, there should be no reason to believe that he will change his ways because he starts going to church.If he won't listen to you, why would he listen to a priest/minister/bible?

    I wish you luck, and hope I have been something more than a waste of time.
  3. Thegreatone

    Thegreatone Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    Mar 28, 2004
    leave him. simple and easy may not be what u want to hear but it might do the trick, he has no reason to stop if u keep putting up with it,
  4. manda

    manda Palladium Member

    Reputation Points:
    Feb 7, 2004
    The church family will be a good, stable thing for you and your daughter to have in your lives, provided the church is a good one, not a throw-the-bible-at-you-and -make -you-swallow it type place.

    Faith could help or touch anyone of you if you attend church as a family.

    But, David B. is RIGHT- You cannot introduce the desire to stop from the outside. He has to want to quit. Powders are very addictive. Hard to quit. That's why he's relapsing after treatment.

    If you ride it out with him, the blow willprobably remain an issue.