Life off Opiates, Six months out

Discussion in 'Opiate & Opioid addiction' started by ak2Ut, Dec 12, 2013.

  1. ak2Ut

    ak2Ut Titanium Member

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    It' has been a strange journey, What almost feels like a lifetime ago has really only been six months. I think of myself 7 months ago and remember feeling desperation and guilt, a person who wanted so badly to be normal and just didn't know how, and maybe didn't want to. Now I know how crazy that drug is and how it can take you out, I honestly lost the majority of those years in my memories. They are gone.

    When I look back It has been 10 years of use, so constant that I couldn't remember if once I took opiates I never stopped. I still glamorize my use sometimes in my mind, remembering how crazy shit got and the rush. I feel almost lost without it at times, and then each morning I don't feel it again. I feel older in a way and not exactly in a good way, more mature I guess but still wanting to be crazy and be like it was only this time without the drugs.

    Don't get me wrong, there is nothing that I am more stoked on than to have quit shooting heroin because as you all know getting off opiates is rough, but I miss those rails of roxis sometimes or maybe I just miss my youth and the friends that didn't make it out, who fucking knows..
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2013
  2. Mr Bumble

    Mr Bumble Grumpy Gorilla Silver Member

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    It's totally normal man, your grieving for the loss of a big part of your life. Opiates may fuck us up but they become part of us, and they are the strongest painkiller, psyhical and emotional, they get us through the hard times, help us have good times, even if they ultimately destroy us.

    6 months is pretty amazing work man, and the cravings do go away, I stayed clean nearly 6 years and they did leave me eventually, but let my guard down one time and have been battling addiction again for the last 5 years
    or so. 6 months clean is hardcore, takes massive inner strength, just remember if you use today tomorrow you will only be 1 day clean.
     
  3. nightprowler

    nightprowler Silver Member

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    I feel u bro. i havnt done an opiate now since august. Its incredibly tough. its a constant battle.. some days are worse than others. I've been on and off so many times in my young life. made it 8 months once. 18 months was the longest, but that was in prison. I'm at around 4 now and i keep going one day at a time. i've learned to set my goals to today and my hopes for forever
     
  4. LadySue

    LadySue Titanium Member Donating Member

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    Hi ak2Ut - first off, thanks for posting up and giving hope. Six months clean from opiates is a dream for many, myself included. As you know, you've given me inspiration the last couple weeks and sometimes that's all I have to get through that day.

    Ya know, you've been under a lot of pressure/responsibility/stress, whatever you want to call it, between school, work and life in general, you've been a busy guy. It may just be all the responsibilities of adult hood making you "miss your youth". Hell, from where I sit you still are a youth lol. At 28, I was just tagging in for my next go around with booze and coke.

    So go do something 'youthful' over your break from school - grab your girl and go find an 'adventurous' ;) place to have sex, go play paintball, go bungee jumping, parachuting, I don't know - whatever it is that gives you that rush. It's important we remember that it's not JUST drugs that can take us to that place. Drugs are a moment of rush and a shit ton load of misery and grief after as you well know. You can get that rush through other means, without having that backlash of misery waiting for you yea? I know I'm saying this as much for you, as I am for myself. I have to remember that too.

    You are doing wonderfully - in a relatively short six months you've accomplished a great deal. I hope you'll be able to de-stress over your Christmas break, find your drug-free rush and THAT gives you enough fuel to keep on keeping on. xxoo
     
  5. NeuroChi

    NeuroChi is not his mind Platinum Member & Advisor

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    Congrats ak2Ut, and nightprowler, anything over a couple months shows more than just sheer determination in my opinion. It shows the beginning of a lifestyle change, and a severe one is necessary if one's going to stay clean permanently.

    I'm also about 6.5 months free of heroin, and I started to struggle again recently. There are safety measure's in place that are keeping me clean today, such as limited access to money and no access to a car, but I've found that the cravings crept back in. I've found that I miss the ups and downs of addiction. As crazy as it sounds, initially I was happy to be free of the horror's of withdrawal, of having to chase the high, but now I'm beginning to miss the ups and downs that come from living as an addict. It keeps life interesting, so to speak. It seems as though I need something to look forward to, and something to fear, to keep me going.

    I also can't seem to just live for today, one day at a time, as the mantra would have me do. Every day is virtually the same, and I know this now. This seems to work in the beginning some time when thoughts of drugs and drug use pervade the mind because of the physical withdrawal symptoms. But not so much any more.

    How did you get to nearly 6 years Mr Bumble, and could you elaborate on the relapse you had after letting your guard down? This interests me, because I've heard time and time again that after a year or two, things get significantly easier, and in many cases relapse no longer becomes an option.