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Experiences - No longer satisfied with amphetamine high

Discussion in 'Adderall' started by BitterSweet, Mar 28, 2014.

  1. BitterSweet

    BitterSweet Titanium Member

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    I became addicted to amphetamines (ADHD meds) four years ago, I was abusing it pretty heavily for the first two years. Two years ago I started to use opiates more and more, because it eased the amphetamine come down considerably. Now I'm at a stage where I use amphetamines, benzos, and opiates daily (well, I've been at this stage for a while). I am taking much less amphetamine than in the past, ranging from 30-45 mg of Adderall a day, or when I have vyvanse, 60 mg. Although the high doesn't kick in too hard, I find that I am immediately dissatisfied. Everything seems depressing, I'm kind of motivated to do things, but kind of not motivated, and I just want to take my opiate dose for the day then and there instead of waiting until the comedown.

    I suppose it's a good thing that I am beginning to dislike my amphetamine highs lately (I've been going through stages of enjoying amphetamines to only taking them when I really need them to get stuff done for a while now, at least two years). I don't have ADHD (I'm pretty much the opposite of ADHD behavior), and I've got myself addicted to amphetamines in the worst way; I've relied on them for so long to have motivation that even the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. I never used to be this way, before starting amphetamines I was extremely motivated to do all the things I do now, except now I only do those things on amphetamines, and most of the time, I'm not even that productive on amphetamines. There are a lot of days I don't take them where I just sleep and do downers. Amphetamines are a double-edged sword - at the beginning they feel like they make you fantastically superior in all your tasks, but long term dependence ultimately leaves you much less productive.

    You'd think that I would just stop doing amph. if I don't enjoy it, but I always think this time it will be different. And I'm so bent on getting high, that if the amph. high doesn't work out, I turn to my opiate supply (which is limited). I'm trying to quit opiates by tapering off them, but I am stuck at this cross roads. I'm wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences? I know the "magic" of amphetamines wears off pretty quickly, but even when I feel high (it's not really a high, just feel "enhanced"; I think adderall users understand what I mean, you don't necessarily feel high but as if you've been enhanced slightly) I have this feeling of impending doom. But later on in the days, I am usually more settled with the remaining effects of the amphetamine, and ultimately do get some tasks done. But without opiates, I could never handle using amphetamines and be 100% satisfied; oh, the woes of a drug addict.
     
  2. Giapsufsu

    Giapsufsu Silver Member

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    You quit the opiates first cold turkey. Then use the adderall to at least keep you functional throughout the day for the first week to 10 days and if need take a benzo to sleep. Then once you'd only down to using benzos cut back on them slowly as possible and you'll be drug free. That's when the real fun starts, like umm what the fuck am I gonna do today. Good luck
     
  3. Poppi

    Poppi Titanium Member

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    Bittersweet: I am with you 100%. And I think I have figured out the root of your problem: opiates have become your new drug of choice, despite how unintentional or unaware you are of your new switch in drugs of choice.

    Notice my highlighting in your quote above, which I am certain only skims the surface of how you really feel about opiates: you initially took them as a comedown relief from the amphetamine high (I'm going to assume you really liked the amps back then as you still needed something to help you come down, and it is my guess you no longer need the help because the high's not strong anymore--right?), but you have come to discover that amps aren't as much fun anymore, especially now that they don't do too much for you (you are somewhat satisfied with the slight behavioral/emotional change, but as you readily admit: you'd much rather just skip the boring, uninspiring amp "high"--what little high you do get these days--and go right for the good shit, which is your sadly diminishing opiate collection).

    If you are feeling as you describe, in that you'd rather just skip the boring amp high that only leaves you depressed and lazy, and instead go right for the opiates which I am betting good money don't make you feel this way, you're in for a treat in my answer to your dilemma: stop wasting your time and energy looking for what you once had in amphetamines. They will let you down because they have a ceiling effect that is keeping you from enjoying them as much as you could if you took a long tolerance break. So here comes the fun part: take that break off of the amps, and in the meantime, replace them with what you already know is so much better--those opiates!

    You do mention wanting to taper off of them. I think you've come to that decision because you know how much you love them, and that's scary when dealing with opiates. I know. I'm addicted to crystal meth and heroin--and I felt the same way you do about Adderall and painkillers. Amphetamines and even the King of Stimulants Crystal Meth is boring as shit compared to painkillers and heroin--at the least, there's a guarantee you'll feel something every single time you take the opiates, even if it does mean you have to up the dose! (Meth)amphetamines are a joke in comparison--what kind of self-respecting narcotic fails to work the more you devote yourself to it?! What a shame! Okay, I'm getting a little passionate about this issue, but you can see that it bothers me too.

    So: now you are aware that you are disappointed in amphetamine's lack of potency despite the increase of dose and its lazy and bothersome negative side effects that plague you. You know you'll never be able to recreate that early amp love affair unless you take an extended break from amp use, and perhaps you should! In the meantime, I don't really see the problem with embracing the one drug that does bring you happiness, the one you look forward to every day, and just stop the charade of using amps to excuse the opiate use (to help with the comedown) and just switch your DOC and see what happens.

    Note that I wouldn't actually suggest this to a non-addict. Anyone who's not already addicted to both of these substances should not heed my advice, as you'd simply trade an amphetamine addiction with the (more?) problematic opiate dependence and addiction--but BitterSweet's already there, so I don't see the problem: I see a solution! Are you with me, BitterSweet? You know what I mean?

    Down with the lousy amphetamine high! :)
     
  4. 1curiousgurl

    1curiousgurl Newbie

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    Ive been there. In fact, im still kinda there. The only way I could get off Adderall was cold turkey. I tried for months to taper myself. It was impossible even tho I knew how I would feel. I did the same thing.. I started using tramadol and Vicodin to help and then klonopin. I was out of control.
    It will not be easy.
    you will feel exhausted.
    But it is soooo worth not feeling those feelings again.
    One day i was out of my adderall script early of course. And I made the decision to not refill. I did use klonopin to help. I became exhausted and lethargic and sad. I slept a lot. I took 3days off work. Sucked and whined and cried and rested. Slept alot! Then I went back to work. I take it day by day. I have days now where I just have to' take a break' from everything just to make it thru that day. Then I wake up and try again.
    It IS worth it in the end. My head is much more clearer. I have no crazy ups and downs in one day like I used to. I can sleep at night. I dont make rash decisions.
    You will make it thru. And just remember others are doing it right along with you.
    I am.