Experiences - (PCP Experiences) I Have Never Spoke Of

Discussion in 'Dissociatives' started by ultralight, Feb 13, 2005.

  1. ultralight

    ultralight Newbie

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    This until now. But after 20 years, I have to know about other people like me. I have never forgotten what happen to me, and It Is still the most Importanttime in my life.

    I used tosmoke PCPand pot.Each time I smoked It, I would have an absolutelybeautiful experience. I know that many folks say that the drug produces hallucinations (hell, I know that) but for some, I believe, It Is the key to a door, and man oh man, Iwent through that door, andI will NEVER forget what I saw.

    I would smoke the drug, and some times land on my ass (unconscious) this can be a bit embarrassing when with others. Or I would rise to my feet, and always felt like the floor hada foamy, static electricity energy, I usually found this to be odd, but also, very normal.

    Then my hands (I swear) would come up, together, as If to pray. But I wasn't doing this myself, it was always as If my muscles were not being used, but it happened this way often.

    I would then answer (verbally) questions? Like, "yes, yes, I know" etc. the thing Is, I had the overwhelming sense, that I was with someone/thing extraordinarily holy/spiritual (hence, angel dust?) but this, also was completely normal in some way. It was as If my soul were having a conversation (I never heard a word, yet felt/understood It all) with another soul.

    I swear to God this was not a hallucination, shit, I know the difference. I did as many drugs in the seventies (everything was a nickel) as the most dedicated. This was something so profound (It lasted about 1 to 2 years as I did the drug as often as I could) and life changing, that to this day, I wake up thinking of It, It's been 20 years, and I still cannot let go of the experience.

    If I could get away with it (doubt If the wife would let me) I would do it every day. It had no lasting Ill effects on me, I'm just as much a SMART as always. I'm a professional who makes a good living, fairly intelligent and educated. But I cannot keep It to my self any longer, I have to know If anyone else has had this happen to them, or anything like It (there were, many, many, other experiences that were non spiritual as well, but this one takes the cake.





    Anyhow, nice board folks, bet I could have a ball (and a few flash backs) If I cruise this board awhile. Thanks
     
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  2. enquirewithin

    enquirewithin Gold Member

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    This is interesting. Can you say more about the spiritual 'entity'?
     
  3. ultralight

    ultralight Newbie

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    I'm sorry It has taken so long to get back, my life Is In the fast lane, and there are no brakes.


    I will try to explain an expertiance that I cannot do justice to with words. I once heard an NDE person say the same thing, you cannot REALLY get accross what you experianced, and I understood EXACTLY what she was talking about. That started my research (read every book on NDE written) to try and get some Insight Into what I experianced when ever I opened that door.


    I cannot say I have anything In common with any of the stories I have read. I did not see a bright light, or a tunnel (sorta, but not really) or my grandma or grandma etc. BUT, I did feel the most unnexplainable love, perfect, unconditional, overwelming, peace, serenity. Man, I'm screwing this up.


    I felt like I was no longer physical, but (I really HATE clecheas) "etheral" but I was still aware of my body, and who I was, but the one I was communicating with (this happened for a year) was the friend/brother/sister/mate/ I don't know which, I just know, when my hands came together, I felt my feet (had socks on most of the time) felt "foamy, staticky, SOMETHING" I would be looking up at about 45 degrees, and It was like.... My soul, was communicating with my (gaurdian angel?) and It was the most conforting, enjoyable, experience. My "friend?' (I still have no Idea who It Is) would ask me things (my soul, I mean) and I would answer. I can tell you that It was like my Older sister, or mom, or someone I have loved forever (like eternity ever) thats the best I can do for an explanation. And It was the most fulfilling conversation anyone could imagine, you cannot understand unless you experianced It.


    It was NOT an halucination. I'm more certain of that than anything I know. It was the most incredible experiance I, or anyone (except NDE survivors, I'm guessing) could ever know, I'm so sorry I don't have the words of a writer, to really show you what It was like. I KNOW that If others saw what I saw, they would never fear death, EVER. I believe the reason only very few experiance NDE's, or what I did, Is because If It were rampant, and studied, and proven that there Is another reality, another side, that Is PERFECT. Peaple would line up at walgreens for razor blades. I mis It SOOOO much (and It's been 20+years or so) I think of It every day. I miss my conversations, and the incredible closeness (again, no words)


    Forgive the sell'n,gett'n tired. hope this helps you understand. It Is helping me to finally get It out and tell someone what I can never forget, and think about , still, every day of my life. Talk to you again. Night
     
  4. enquirewithin

    enquirewithin Gold Member

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    Have you ever read about the Western occultists' concept of
    communication with the Holy Guardian Angel? Possibly more relevant,
    have you ever read John Lilly's "The Scientist"? You might find things
    in that which would interest you.
     
  5. ultralight

    ultralight Newbie

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    Thank you enquirewithin, I'm a bit upset. I wrote back to you for the last half hour, and hit a button that made me lose the page some how. I HATE when that happens, I'm also frustrated that know one else can relate or has had similar experiences. I've wated 20 years before looking for answers, and no one even cares about the question.


    Anyhow, tired again, been typing for THIRTY minutes. Sorry I could'nt get your feedback on what I wrote (hell, I thought It was Intersting) Thanks again enquirewithin, I will take a look at "The Scientist" can you fill me In a bit on what It's about? does address issues I'm talking about? thanks again. Nite Nite
     
  6. enquirewithin

    enquirewithin Gold Member

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    John Lilly, MD did a lot of self-expirmention with ketamine (and to a
    lesser extent PCP). He wrote about contact with 'entities' which
    'communicated' with him. He considered these experiences very
    significant. He wrote about them in "The Scientist: A Metayphysical
    Autobiography." It MIGHT address the issues you are talking about-- or
    have more in common with your experiences than book about NDEs? John
    Lilly always says that his experinces are not hallucinations....
    Someone else who I know has wriiten about ketamine (which is closely
    realted to PCP but safer) and NDE type expeinces is Karl Jansen in
    'Ketamine Dreams and Realties' but I have not had the chance to read it
    yet.
     
  7. Alfa

    Alfa Productive Insomniac Staff Member Administrator

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    There are many books written about spiritual guides and I've read severalesoteric scriptures and user reports about entities attracted by altered states of consciousness or subconsciousness by druguse, which could openthedoor to your body for such an entity to enter. Several friends lived their live with their guide.
     
  8. ultralight

    ultralight Newbie

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    enquirewithin, I can't thank you enough. I swore, for years, that this was so Incredibly Important, someone HAD to be studying It. But I wrote It off as the fact thatPCP had such a negative (to the extreme) reputation, that no scientist In his right mind would attempt research, and DEFINITELY wouldn'tget a grant from any established Institution. Thank you again, been working 12+ hours, little time to read, but off I go, looking for the wizard. Talk soon.


    ps sorry about the precious communications, don't have spell check yet, and after reading mu post's I realised they must be unbearable to the reader. GN