Possibly HPPD?

Discussion in 'Ecstasy & MDMA' started by Rach, Mar 2, 2004.

  1. Rach

    Rach Newbie

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    I have found a website about HPPD (disorder developing after taking hallucinogenic substances). I think that this is what I may have rather than E related depression. Other people on the site are complaining of exactly the same symptoms (grainy staticcoveredvision, detatchment or depersonalization/derealization) after taking E or LSD. I hope to hell I don't have this because it appears that there's no cure. Only time will tell.
     
  2. icemaster

    icemaster Silver Member

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    Though I find it very unlikely that a one time use of E caused your problem, I do think it is much more probable that you had some pre-existing condition that you were unaware of and this drug use percipitated.
     
  3. Rach

    Rach Newbie

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    There is no history of psychiatric illness in my family whatsoever on both sides mother and father.I have never been depressed in my lifeor anxious. I have gone from being a completely outgoing extrovert who loved life to an absolute wreck.That is what I am finding hard to come toterms with.I know that what I took was probably cut with absolute crap, I'm under no illusion that that Ecstasy alone could cause this, Iknow I got bad pills one way or another.


    Also I have used Ecstasy before this experiencewith no negative effects, just the usual Tuesday blues,thenI would alwaysbounce back wellbefore the weekend.


    Interestingly my friend who took the same dose from the same batchwas ill for three weeks (he is an absolute monster of aman 6 foot 6 inches and weighing around seventeen stone) so it can't just be coincidental that my head is wrecked and I'm only very small and slim. Maybe Ecstasy wasn't to blame but whatever else was in these tabletsand my own stupid self is.


    I appreciate what you're saying. A lot of people take E and other drugs while already having problems and in doing so exacerbate the situation plunging them into deeper depression which they then blame on E. However I suppose thatonly I and those who know me (friends and family)can be certain that this wasn't an underlying problem for me.


    Thanks for your opinion.
     
  4. icemaster

    icemaster Silver Member

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    Yeah, I guess its possible that something other than MDMA caused this, but I'm certainly curious as to what the substance could have been. What was the actual 'e' experience like at the time, was it somehow different from your other 'e' experiences.
     
  5. Rach

    Rach Newbie

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    From what I've researched it's possible that what I took had been cut with meth and possibly Ketamine. At the time of taking it I did feel a sense of dissociation but I wasn't worried in the slightest, I was really relaxed and chilled out at a friends flat. I flaked out on the sofa and slept for a few hours after being awake for so long. When I woke up I felt really groggy.I remeber thinking God my mouth is sore, I looked at my friendSteve and began to piss myself laughing because his lips were absolutely massively swollen to about double their normal proportion. He just said "Rach,I wouldn't laugh,look at the state of you". I looked in the mirror.My lips were shredded as was the whole of my mouth and my tongue was swollen. I went home and tried to sleep but couldn't because I was twitching violently all over. I didn't panic though because thats happened before but not so obviously. About 10 hours after this I threw up( I hadn't eaten since the Friday evening and it was now Sunday).I felt really weak and my pupils were still fully dilated, I seriouslylooked like a mad woman.I just did not feel right at all and knew something was up so I went to the supermarket to get some decent food ,orange juice and vitamin tablets.I remember feelingphysically awful.I was so dizzy and the bright light was making me feel really sick. I just thought at the time that i had to wait this one out, that I'd taken a bit too much and my body was letting me know it.Anyway a week went by and I was still dizzy and spaced out.Everything I looked at just looked absolutely wrong and I just had this really strange feeling,theinside of my head felt numb at the top on one side(it still does).In this week I also woke up to a "bang" type sound incide my head a couple of times.I know that it was nothing around me that caused the noise it came from inside my head.I also had strange sensations that someone was touching my skin.There was definately something trippy in those pills, thats why I think Ketamine.During this time I had really bad headaches and like white flashes in front of my eyes.My friend Steve whogot ill alsogot this too so I wasn't overly concerned.


    Saturday came around and my sisterpersuaded me to go out.She knew that I wasn't well and thought that it would take my mind off things. I went out but I felt like a zombie. I was dancing but felt like I was outside of myselfwatching.I was getting chatted up but became really paranoid andstarted to feel as though everyone around me must know that there's something wrong with me.


    To make matters worse I got back to my sisters and her boyfriend had got out two films and was watching Donnie Darko. Next day we watched the other one 'Requiem for a Dream'.Brilliant though they are,possibly the two worst choices of film foranyone who's got a substance induced head f***.


    This brings me to my present state, I haven't got any better.I usually live with my friends in a shared house (five of us). For the moment I've had to move back to stay with my parents because I can't face work or my friends.I'm a graduate with a good job and prior to this a brilliant social lifeso I'm well and truly gutted.


    I went to Dance Safe's website and there are a couple of posts with people describing similar experiences.That months later after taking E they're stillnot fully back tothemselves.I'm hoping that this isn't permanent and will resolve itself with time. Incidentally my brothers have taken shedloads of E and LSD and nothing adverse has happened to them. I am in no way against drugs I just want advice that may offer a glimmer of hope that things might get better because I know thatwhat I took caused this. I have been offered a hair follicle test by the drugs treatment centre that I've been attending(everyone else there are smack heads)so I'll see if that can shed any light. Anyway it's a hard lesson but i 'll never touch another drug again.It's tempting at the moment justto feel good again for a couple of hours but I know in the long run I'll well and trulyruin any hope of getting better.


    (Sorry Alfa, this post's probably a bit personal may I apologise)
     
  6. Alfa

    Alfa Productive Insomniac Staff Member Administrator

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    There is no problem with personal posts. The rules refer to personal attacks.


    Please check if they are also able to test for Piperazines. Please look into them. I wouldn't bet on amphetamine like substances. I am pretty sure that you will recover. Please check this postfor recovery idea's.
     
  7. Rach

    Rach Newbie

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    Thanks, I suppose what I'm looking for is reassurance really although I know that nobody is a qualified doctor ( I 'm assuming). What makes you think Piperazines may be a cause?. IChecked on Erowid because I've never heard of them, see thats my trouble I'm too naive by half.I know at the time I was getting quite strong visuals. I'm doing all the recommended stuff,diet exercise and supplements so I hope I nail this.Thanks for your post it's really appreciated.
     
  8. icemaster

    icemaster Silver Member

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    Although I doubt this would have been caused simply by a one time use of amphetamines or ketamine, it definitely sounds like there was some sort of chemical in that pill other than MDMA; I can empathize with your state of mind, however, as many years of drug use have left me in a similar (if not quite as severe) state, yet I continue to use......
     
  9. argovistov

    argovistov Newbie

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    I wouldnt say that anything Rach say is conclusive or possible to draw conslusions from. A one time user have no reference system to what to expenct, further more Rach have obvious anxious problems from the event. Most likely everything he or she reads about different bad reactions from different drugs or different syndroms will be put into the experiance through the process to handle it.



    Both a E depression and a lasting HPPD are unique from one experiance. Reading more and more about drugs and drugs problem will most likely only add more pseudo-symtoms. Get som treatment for anxious instead. Mirtazapin is the standard treatment her for drug depressions and anxious problem associated with drug use and especially E. Furthermore you probably will be set on Xanax for a couple of weeks. If you indeed have HPPD it will be affected by Xanax.
     
  10. Rach

    Rach Newbie

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    To be honest I want to use as little medication as possible.The thought of taking Benzos is not too appealing as I've heard that they're highly addictive and you can have terrible withdrawal effects. I'm really apprehensive about taking any substance that messes with my brain in any way now. I'm obviously not very tolerant. I have howeverheard that certain symptoms of HPPD are stress induced so a medication that treats anxiety may be helpful.Proazac which I'm taking at the moment seems to have worsened it.


    I am going to speak to my doctor about Remeron when I go on Tuesday. You're right I am very anxious at the moment because the thought of being stuck like this forever makes me really scared. I'm going to take your advice and stop looking for similar cases to myself as I recognise that everybody reacts differently to drugs. For some people it maytake days, others weeks and probably some never get better at all so I'll just have to hope that I'm one of the lucky ones. Cheersx