Put on the spot by friends; the center of intervention

Discussion in 'Opiate & Opioid addiction' started by dr.gonzo, Mar 24, 2006.

  1. dr.gonzo

    dr.gonzo Silver Member

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    I have been using H weekly for about 8 months, but has recently lost his connection, so has resorted to using benzos and alcohol to sway him until he finds another resource.

    Well, about a week ago, I got pretty drunk at a friend's house. There were about eight people there, and only three of us were drinking. They are straight edge (they don't use drugs).

    Now, while drinking with my friends, a bottle of temazepams fell out of my pocket, and my friend Will decided that this was the perfect opportunity to call me out on my bad habits. He kind of put me on the spot in front of everybody. He was the only person I told of my usage, but everybody seemed to already know, so I guess everybody had sort of been talking behind my back.

    We got into a pretty heated debate, and he made me feel pretty shitty, saying things like how he would rather kill himself than resort to using heroin, and how he thinks I'm just wasting all of my potential and not thinking about the future. I countered with some nonsense about how our society has bred a state of mind that holds certain drugs to be much worse than they actually are, and that he wouldn't be having this talk to me if I had a vicodin problem.

    I don't remember too much, as I got completely wasted, but I remember finally getting my pills back and swallowing the rest of them in front of everyone, and giving a almost teary eyed speech about how I don't really give a shit anymore. In short, I made an ass out of myself.

    I really wish my friend hadn't called me out in front of everyone, especially with me being as drunk and messed up on sleeping pills as I was. But I really don't feel like losing friends over this. Any suggestions on how to go about patching things up? Maybe I should just lie and tell them that I'm off the stuff...
     
  2. Nagognog2

    Nagognog2 Iridium Member

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    If what was said is bothering SWIM, then obviously some valid points were made. It sounds like this situation was a ill-planned "intervention" formed at the spur of the moment. But I can't council SWIM regarding how to handle this situation and the resulting aftermath - both for My friends and I.

    I would only suggest that SWIM think clearly and carefully about his situation with the drugs. Not emotionally. Not defensively. Clearly. Only I know what the true answer is to his situation. I would suggest that SWIM consider his good fortune in having at least one friend who was willing to stick his neck out and address what must have been preying on his mind for a considerable period of time. Even if he did a half-baked job of it.

    Many practitioners, and students, of psychology don't believe in accidents. Such as the bottle of tamezepam falling out of a pocket.
     
    1. 4/5,
      as always, very good sound advice
      Mar 25, 2006
  3. dr.gonzo

    dr.gonzo Silver Member

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    "I know it's a little late, but thanks Nagognog. I spent a lot of time reading and re-reading that.

    That night seriously had a huge impact on me, and it is still discussed amongst my friends. I ended up continuing to use h (and got back into another old bad habit, meth), but started lying and saying that I was clean. It didn't take some of my friends long to figure out that I was lying.

    Well, yesterday, I had a similar social encounter. I went to the park with two good friends, Theresa and Bre, (who were present at the aforementioned incident) to do some Ecstasy. I chewed up two tablets, while they swallowed one each. It was basically both of their first times (Bre had tried a pill with little success), and these were ace pills.

    Anyway, everyone started coming up and all was well. Theresa felt like having a heart to heart with me, and asked Bre to give us some space. This definately hurt Bre's feelings, and I felt bad for basically abandoning her on her first E experience; but Theresa and I had a very intense talk.

    She is moving to Oakland for college in about a week, and this saddens me, as I used to be very much into her. I confessed that I had such feelings, and she said something along the lines of, "I could see us being together in the future, if you get off drugs." I realize that she probably doesn't mean this. If there's one thing I hate about drugs, it's all of the bullshit talk that is never discussed again.

    Anyway, we ended up talking for hours, and returned to the subject of my drug use again, and Bre had joined the conversation. Bre had previously offered to take me to an HIV testing center, but I didn't remember the offer, as I believe I was on opiates, benzos, and alcohol. But she offered again, and while I am pretty sure that I'm HIV free, I agreed to let them take me, just so they don't have to worry. I then had to try and defend my heroin usage, saying it is not as harmful as E, or even alcohol. However, we had gone through this before, and it was going nowhere.

    They then said that I don't have to lie to them, which I hate doing. But they also said that they don't really like being around me on junk; they say I'm not the same person, that I'm not 'there'. So I feel, if I don't stop, I'll come very close to losing my friends. And if I lie to them again, and they catch on, I will lose my friends.

    Theresa, later, said something that really got to me, "I really don't want to have to come back for your funeral." That really, really tore me up inside. I had never seen her so serious, and it kind of broke my heart. But I think that finally did it, I think I'm going clean, for real. I'm going to take this HIV test, to clear their minds, and just stay clean. Not because I believe the drugs to be especially harmful, but because I am sick of lying to my friends, and I hate having them always worry about me. I'm sorry if this has bored anyone, but I'm going through a lot right now, and I just felt like getting this out there."

    -Swim
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2006
  4. Alfa

    Alfa Productive Insomniac Staff Member Administrator

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    Far from boring actually. I hope that you are really decisive about this, because as it looks to me You is not only at risk of loosing good friends, but also his self. It seems to me you's friends have solid grounds to worry and you's drug use has gone beyond recreational use. you's friends see that you's current path only leads to destruction. I think it's time for the breaks now.

    BTW: You should not chew Ecstasy pills. It will ruin you's teeth.

    If I was in you's position and SWIM's friends or any would have doubts on HIV infection, then I would be running to get a test. Such rumours will seriously lower success rates of romantic efforts. A test is no big deal. I took several before travels. I was back outside in 15 minutes.
     
  5. Forthesevenlakes

    Forthesevenlakes Platinum Member

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    congratulations, it takes alot of bravery to kick h or other opiates. this forum actually has some great threads that may help You out in his endeavour. it can be done, not without some effort though. I has some experience in kicking, PM me and i'll relay swim's advice to you, if you'd like any.
     
  6. korky8097

    korky8097 Gold Member

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    Whatever you do, be honest about it I would say. If you tell them you are going clean, go clean. But dont feel terrible in telling them you are going to taper or are going to try and get clean, I have a pretty good feeling they would have no problem helping. And best of luck on kicking, some times you have to ask yourself if drugs or a stable life is more important to you
     
  7. Forthesevenlakes

    Forthesevenlakes Platinum Member

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    korky is right...if you put your trust in your friends, they'll put their trust in you. and a trusted friend can help alot with a taper, because then they can help make sure the temptation to cheat isnt there for swiy, thats one of the tough things about tapering!
     
  8. dr.gonzo

    dr.gonzo Silver Member

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    Re: Put on the spot.

    "Well, I went and got the test, and I came out negative, unsurprisingly.

    I had been close to staying away from opiates for good. I got over physical withdrawals and such, but there was always that looming loneliness or emptiness that causes me to yearn for junk more than any withdrawals I’ve ever had. Getting off is nowhere near as difficult as staying off. As sad as it sounds, I remember that after one particularly bad withdrawal, I cried myself to sleep thinking about how all I wanted was a shot of h. I’ve also been feeling depressed lately. I’ve always had some bad depression—something I’ve been able to keep secret from all but maybe one or two friends—and I think that may have led me down the path of opiate use, and not the other way around. I don’t blame opiates for depression, but to a depressed person, they sure do present a tempting escape.

    I even went as far as trying to pull the ultimate escape. Two weeks ago I injected 320 mg of oxycodone (four eighties of oxycontin), hoping that I would not wake up. I also took some xanax and some codeine cough syrup. After about fifteen hours of sleep, I woke up and immediately ran to the bathroom to vomit. I was emotionally feeling worse than ever, so I called my friend Rachel (I referred to her as Theresa in my previous post) and told her about what I had attempted to do. Right away, I regretted doing so, not only because it is an embarrassing thing to reveal to somebody, but also because that is a heavy burden to lay upon someone. We talked for about forty minutes, though it was mostly silence… I couldn’t really talk all that well and was still extremely messed up from the previous night. I told her how stupid I thought the attempt was and that I would not try it again. I haven’t felt “normal” since, but I’m beginning to think I’ve forgotten what “normal” feels like.

    She said some kind words and made me feel better, and she offered to come visit me the next day (she lives in Oakland, about two hours away). I refused; I didn’t want her to go out of her way because of me. She offered to help me talk to my family and tell them that I have a problem, and suggested that I consider rehab. I’m considering it, something I never thought I’d do, but she made it seem very rational. I do feel like I’m suffocating in this town, and I do like to interact with people… I’m sure I’d meet some very interesting people in a rehab clinic. On the other hand, I’ve always been skeptical of such clinics, and I’ve always believed that if I truly wanted to quit, I should be able to do it on my own. But I seem to be stuck in the limbo of concurrently wanting to get clean and having some part of me want to continue using…

    It’s all very conflicting. After I got off the phone with Rachel, I went to the bathroom to dry heave for a few minutes, then came back to my room and passed out until the next day. In all, I spent about three days incapacitated in my room. I’ve been lucky that my family doesn’t suspect anything. But I think that it might be time to let my family know and perhaps seek help. But then there’s the other part of me that says that if I can just practice moderation, everything will be alright. But then I think that I can and should stay off; I just have to find something to keep myself occupied, a hobby or such. I continuously go back and forth on myself. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, I have a lot to think about. I might have to take Rachel up on that offer to help me out with my family, because I don’t think I would be able to tell them alone, and I’m not sure how they would react. Back in high school I once got picked up by the cops for marijuana and alcohol, and my mom threatened to kick me out of the house. I’m not sure I would like to find out how she would react to this.

    I think I just need to get over the “just one more good hit, and then I’m done” attitude and then maybe I’ll be able to do this on my own. It’s always good to have a few understanding friends, but I’m afraid that I may have worn them out with my problems. I’m sorry for the excessively long (and probably rambling) post, but once again, I’ve had a lot on my mind and a lot to consider. It feels kind of helpful just to type it out."

    -Swim
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2007
  9. Nicaine

    Nicaine Titanium Member

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    Re: Put on the spot.

    Ambivalence is inherent in the nature of addiction, so that will likely never change. You would probably find some relief in choosing between the two, one way or the other... it doesn't have to be permanent, some people prefer the "one day at a time" approach. But nearly all those who quit have some part of them still wanting to continue using.
     
  10. NeverSober

    NeverSober Silver Member

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    Re: Put on the spot.

    This wont be easy man. I am still battling with my opiate addiction.........swim relapses from time to time and go on a few day binge then I feel guilty for it. Clean up, then do it again. There is a part of swim that never wants to stop using, but also another that doesnt want to use anymore. Its up to you to make that choice, it's fucking hard but make the right one bro. If you have a trusted family member to talk to, then I suggest doing it, I did and it helped alot. Also talking to another addiict with same addictions as swim really helped swim, and helps you get things out that will make you feel much better. If you need someone to talk to then just pm me........Im hnere for ya man. STAY STRONG
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2007
  11. oki-doki

    oki-doki Newbie

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    Re: Put on the spot.

    does gonzo have N.A in his town? that might help. it's well respected here in OZ, not sure about USA. Sending positive energy to you, and i believe gathering lots of support around you will help. there are some awesome books out there too. Knowledge is power - get as much info as you can, and you'll feel empowered and confident about making your decision (making the right one!!).
    It will be good for You to look back at his posts in a few weeks time and reflect on where he's been.
    one more bit of advice (sorry) - surround yourself with positive people, non-users.. that REALLY helps. might sound obvious, I know, but you cant kick if you're hangin out with other users.
    thinking of you. x