1. Dear Drugs-Forum readers: We are a small non-profit that runs one of the most read drug information & addiction help websites in the world. We serve over 4 million readers per month, and have costs like all popular websites: servers, hosting, licenses and software. To protect our independence we do not run ads. We take no government funds. We run on donations which average $25. If everyone reading this would donate $5 then this fund raiser would be done in an hour. If Drugs-Forum is useful to you, take one minute to keep it online another year by donating whatever you can today. Donations are currently not sufficient to pay our bills and keep the site up. Your help is most welcome. Thank you.
    PLEASE HELP

RELAPSE: At four months I became too confident

Discussion in 'Amphetamines addiction' started by Reijay83, Aug 13, 2017.

  1. Reijay83

    Reijay83 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    5
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2017
    34 y/o from Georgia, United States
    This past Thursday night I was bored and was looking through Craigslist personals. I knew how easy it is to find someone blowing clouds. And it happen d. And I went over to his place and smoked and smoked. Then after he fell asleep I took some with me. Texted ( not called) out of work and today I was 3 hours late. I was sent home and I had one week left b fire starting my new job. I just feel really dumb. A week ago I stopped calling my sponsor because I thought i had my demons tamed. I'm a fool to have stopped going to meeting and not calling my sponsor. I'm thinking I may get a new sponsor and start again. I was going to go to a meeting tonight, but I'm so tired. Had to get that all of my chest.
    In the past four years I seem to do meth every four months and it is JUST WAYYY TOO MUCH!!!
    And advice on how to push past that four month mark?
     
  2. aemetha

    aemetha Insomniac Member Silver Member Donating Member

    Reputation Points:
    5,820
    Messages:
    3,093
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2016
    40 y/o from New Zealand
    Why don't you try writing down exactly how you feel right now in graphically honest terms, just for yourself? Then in four months time, take out what you wrote and read it back to remind yourself exactly how awful you feel now. Thing is, memories fade, and we selectively attend to the good memories sometimes too, so when we start thinking it's a good idea, it's an automatic thing that is often a bit of self-delusion. If you can remind yourself of the reasons you make the decision you're making now, you can make that same decision again in four months when complacency creeps up on you.
     
  3. Reijay83

    Reijay83 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    5
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2017
    34 y/o from Georgia, United States
    Thank you so much for the advice! I'm gonna do it and r commit myself to working my program
     
  4. ErykahPW

    ErykahPW Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    11
    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2017
    from Florida, USA
    I feel your pain... the struggle is real. I had nearly 5 months under my belt.... relapsed last week... UGH! Stick with the program.... gotta keep reminding myslf of the bad days instead of glorifying the "good" ones.... ... Keep reminding urself how strong u r.... u got this.... positive self talk and positive thinking goes a looooong way! Hope u r still committed and working your program.... sounds like good advice for myself right about now.
     
  5. Reijay83

    Reijay83 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    5
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2017
    34 y/o from Georgia, United States
    Thanks so much E for the advice and positive vibes !! I'm doing even better today than I was because of my relapse! Not using it as an excuse to fall backward and just use again. I'm usuing it to push forward and keep on keeping on. I'm back on track with my sponsor and also have found a substance abuse counselor who I begin a program with tomorrow morning.

    More than anything I keep reminding myself how good it feels to be alive while sober. I may have taken one step back but I'm gonna run a 5k worth of steps forward. Lol.

    Also was stuck on the third step and had a great breakthrough yesterday.
    Stay strong E! We can do it with our friends, sponsors, and a commitment to never stop living our best sober life!!!
     
  6. ErykahPW

    ErykahPW Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    11
    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2017
    from Florida, USA
    Reijay83 u r awesome! keep at it! I'm so proud of you! Right now I'll be honest and admit that I'm struggling a little bit But I just got a job and I cannot let this interfere so I got to get my act together quick and get back on track real fast… Thank you for your response. It's comforting in a way to know that I'm not alone In the struggle. It's not about how many times you fall down but about how many times you get back up! keep on fighting! I'm talking to myself here too!
     
  7. Reijay83

    Reijay83 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    5
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2017
    34 y/o from Georgia, United States
    Lol! Exactly. Just remember to reach out the next time you feel like using. I have a problem with tha and a problem with s of sabotage when things are going good for me. Last spring I started dabbling with meth again after not using for about ten years. I shot up last summer after telling myself I would never do it again. I don't drink because alcohol will lead to chemicals ( I remember my A B C) and I don't smoke weed anymore because I used it too much as a crutch. My want for speed though makes me do stupid stuff like wish I had an adderall or Ritalin script. My I take for my counseling I almost lied and told them I had been on adderal before just to try and get it. Ugh!! I have issues lol!!

    Congrats on the new job!! Keep your nose clean and your mind serene and you'll be able to mainaint this employment for sure!! I had a slap in my face the other her week when the job I was finishing out let me go five days early. My boss and friend looked me in the eye and said " ray this isn't you! You are not yourself. I want us to end on good terms so today will be your last day. Go home and get some rest" even though I wasn't tweaking at work the people who know you can see when that shit has sucked your soul out of you.

    If you need anything ever hit me up on here and I'm even down to talk or text on the phone!!

    Be well my frand!
     
  8. Tyrone Boggles

    Tyrone Boggles Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    20
    Messages:
    19
    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2017
    from Iowa, United States
    Think I needed to see this. Similar situation for me. I was on 21 day treatment, got out and went to a recovery house. I made it about 3.5 maybe 4 months, then I started taking Suboxone. That isn't prescribed to me. I know it's not the worst drug but I still am struggling with it. It's causing problems. I have started a taper but I keep fucking up. I felt so good about my sobriety this time. This disease is real. I've now been out of inpatient for almost 7 months, and am living in my own. I'm managing. But it's not quality of life.
     
  9. Reijay83

    Reijay83 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    5
    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2017
    34 y/o from Georgia, United States
    Hey T!
    Glad to hear you can relate to my lapse. Do you have a sponsor or attend NA? My home group and sponsor have really helped me get back on track. Opiates are difficult and requiring your brain as well as your physical patterns will take time. Glad to hear you are tapering down. Just remember to not give up before the miracle happens. Also try going for at least an hour walk everyday. Getting outside of my house helps me get out of my head and get out of my addictive mind patterns. I'm fortunate to have a friend who drug me out of the house a few days after my lapse and I've been walking over the past week almost everyday. I hope you keep on keeping on. Just know it gets better!!!