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Question - Should I even bother?

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine' started by Young and Restless, May 19, 2017.

  1. Young and Restless

    Young and Restless Newbie

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    At this moment, I have been off of dope for like 30 hours. I started smoking meth a year ago and switched to snorting/hotrailing this past February. I am very picky about the quality of my dope and how I use it and store it. I also spend an awful amount of time analyzing myself and my behavior, deeply scrutinizing how the drug is affecting my mind as my addiction develops.

    So after snorting, my cycle has been to do a whole lot for the first couple of hours, then stay super jacked up for 2 days overworking myself and not taking any care of my body. Day 3 rolls around and I become very spun out. I start eating and drinking a lot, and picking my pimples. I also get way less productive, and tend to just make a big tweaky mess everywhere I go. I end up spacing out so often that I forget to do more dope. I snort at a quarter the rate I did during the first rush.

    Day 4 I'm useless. Start almost falling asleep if I'm playing a video game or sitting stationary playing with my meth stash or looking at my face. I start seeing the shadow people, who I fucking love and wish to see more of. I start hearing shit and smiling to myself, wanting to hallucinate more.
    But the longest I have made it was 100 hours. I was tripping on going to Domino's to pick up a pizza on my motorcycle. I spent 3 hours darting around the house trying to figure out a tweaky method of carrying a pizza home on the seat. I finally gave up and just went to burger king, totally embarrassed of my appearance and darting eyes and shaky, nervous mannerisms. I went home and ate, snorted 2 huge hotrails and sorted out my dope into like 10, 4-inch long lines, then set the dope aside and went to sleep.
    When I start to wig out, I really really enjoy the disconnection and want to start having delusions. I want to see shit that isn't there and have false beliefs and paranoia. But I get so spun out and useless that It seems impossible. This last 4 day binge I was kinda disappointed. I simply ran out of dope and my buddy had took off to Virginia all twacked out, so I was damn miserable I had it I'm my head I was gonna drink coffee to stay up because I wanted to trip. That shit didn't happen, I just said fuck it all and went to sleep.

    So, should I try and go on a 5-6 day bender? Is the experience worth the struggle to maintain your health? I have some experience with the shit now and have read enough of this forum to at least recite to you how to take care of yourself on meth. I have experienced no type of paranoia or insanity, (save the comedowns). I have been using roughly 15 days out of a month a full year. So I feel I can be responsible with this endeavor. But is it even worth it?
     
  2. Lye Locked

    Lye Locked Silver Member

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    No, in my opinion staying up anymore than one night is not a good idea. The longer you stay up, the harder it is on your body. Also, you want to be able to make half way rational and sane decisions in case something should arise. If you are a regular user and you are in the habit of staying up for 2 or 3 or more nights... You are going to spend a hell of a lot of your lifetime in a state where you aren't doing your best thinking. If a major decision, or an emergency should appear out of nowhere that calls for a clear head... You are on day 3 or 4 and stuck on stupid.

    Over the years, I and many people I have known have suffered major set backs in life due to making stupid decisions when we were too high, or too strung out to deal with things properly. The world won't always wait for you to come down, get some sleep, etc. etc.

    Also, staying up for multiple days makes your tolerance go up. Nobody wants that. Take care.
     
  3. Potter

    Potter Platinum Member & Advisor

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    You have clearly had enough, time to get some rest. Save the meth for next month.
     
  4. Young and Restless

    Young and Restless Newbie

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    I appreciate the advice. I slept for another 12 hours and really don't feel interested in that shit. I hate myself during the comedown, all I could think about is meth. I'm sure my dopamine is all gone right now, so a break period is in order.
     
  5. Shineaf

    Shineaf Newbie

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    I agree with the with the above...save your meth for next month....
     
  6. Young and Restless

    Young and Restless Newbie

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    Update: I really believe that the advice yall have given me was the best advice for me. I mean no disrespect but I did not follow the advice. While at work, I didnt think I was going to actually go and get more speed. The decision was automatic when I clocked out though.
    So I got a 40 of some really good shit. I do not aim to stretch it out like I usually do. Normally I could make a 20 last 3 days and nights.
    I can't use that approach though because I DO NOT plan on staying up more than 1 night. I will take that advice completely to heart. Since I'm stupidly going through with this, I will have to put a lot of my energy into eating and hydrating and keeping track of time so that I can minimize damage.

    I have to work at 6am tomorrow. I'm obviously not going to sleep, but for these 8 remaining hours I'll have to ensure I don't look like a wreck coming up there. Any tips on how to keep it straight and look my best walking into work?

    BTW I also got some really good weed as a comedown aid and something I can honestly say I'm high on, instead of just meth. Im not afraid whatsoever to reveal I smoke weed.
     
  7. Scrofula

    Scrofula Mercury Member

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    You sound young still. All your Day 3+ stuff is me after three hours.

    I'm confused about where you are now, but I also know: if I plan to sleep, I don't; and if I plan to stay up, I fall asleep. I did find I can do a big-bowl nap, when I'm really tired, and pop up after a good two hour nap, remarkably less tweaked. You still have time to lay down two hours before you SET ALARM to go for work. My experience was brief, but successful (in that I did 120 hours in 12 days straight without getting fired, wouldn't recommend). I'd say try to get as much water as you can before, with at least some salty food, for energy and to look still-human, try for that nap, just lay down, listen to music, goon or whatever. Don't look too awake! Take the smallest maintenance dose before you go in, not with you. Keep it nearby for support if necessary.

    Sounds like you're actually IN to the tweak and sleep-loss hallucinations (I am too, actually, since it's usually peaceful to hear the music in the ceiling fan, really listen in on what my mind makes up); but they don't go well with work or operating motor vehicles. It really fucks with your reactions, and sleep loss WILL one day knock you out while you're still standing/driving.

    And I haven't tried the two yet, but I don't think meth and weed are the best mix for delusions. Delusions will get you arrested or fired if you don't spot them, and that only gets harder as the session goes on.

    See it's the problem: to look OK at work, you need to look sober and well-rested, and that means being as close to sober and well-rested as you can, which makes it just a fucking waste to do it like I did in the workweek.
    --- Double Post Merged, May 20, 2017 ---
    Oh yeah, don't fall into the "huge dose before to stay awake!" / "OH NO, have to do some weed/benzos/booze to mellow out!" trap. You'll come off looking not tweaked but fucked up.

    Or just call in sick if it's your Friday. Shit, you get ONE of those.
     
  8. Young and Restless

    Young and Restless Newbie

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    At the moment I've snorted and railed like, .1 and am feeling very content and sweaty. I'm trying to play Skyrim at the moment, and just chill in my room and drink water like crazy.
    In reality I've almost always taken a nap before work because any period of sleep does wonders for my acne. So far I've been up for 11 hours, hopefully I can do the right thing and sleep. No face touching, that's for sure.
    And since I feel better, I must humbly admit that my earlier postings were all just slightly exaggerated. I don't use 15 days a month. More like 5 days of every 2 weeks. I was coming down when I didn't intend on it, I had money but no source. I also over explain myself in writing, sober or jacked up. So I apologize if every post I make is a wall. The forum rules say explain yourself, and that's my fucking hobby.
    I don't want to absolutely bug out and be talking to myself thinking everybody is in on this plot to get me. Just being dramatic, and way too harsh on myself.

    In the same week I started meth, I got a job doing restaurant maintenance. I have received 3 raises this year without ever asking. I got the keys to the store, and everybody says I'm the best one they've had. And I've been up there from overly jacked up to completely dead. My mother says she is proud of me and all the housework I've been inspired to do. Everyone acts like I'm on the right track, nobody exiles me. No bridges burned.
    The irony of that is I've been on a back and fourth meth cycle every 2 weeks, and I Swear it's obvious. If everybody was really paying attention, everybody would know. Either I'm doing a great job handling this, or people are afraid that I'm gonna blow up if they approach me about it. Or they are really blind.
     
  9. Scrofula

    Scrofula Mercury Member

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    Hey, I don't understand how I lost twenty pounds in a month (not fat to start) and it's written off as the slightly weird shift in work-related eating. Like, I'd eat nothing for dinner sometimes, no comment. It is weird. Really it makes me kind of angry, all the shit I used to get about drinking, dial that supposed dysfunction to 11 and no one notices. Just like the drinking (before they sent me away and I really took it to extremes).
    I got through work, but did some weird things. If it doesn't fit with people's expectations, they won't even see it.

    I also assume (or hope) everyone on the internet exaggerates their drug stories. I feel bad sometimes just talking about meth, since I'm such a newbie to it. But I've heard so many AA drunk-alogs, just telling the truth is always OK.

    Anyway, keep riding your success carefully. (Your family would not hesitate to confront you). Sadly, there's some very productive famous people who used it daily for decades, but in pill form. But, we might grind it up and snort it and feel good, so no legal meth for us.


    Not scolding, but I've been through a taste of this, gotta put it out:
    (The big one with young people, and me still: if you're in a car accident, it doesn't matter who's really at fault, YOU ARE if you have any booze/drugs in your body, or in your car. Soccer mom with screaming kids doesn't pay attention and runs the light--you go to prison (if someone's hurt; jail otherwise).)
     
  10. This Mofoin dude

    This Mofoin dude Newbie

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    I'd be on the other side of that spectrum but yea, not to sure bud. I've been on a bender since like the start of a his month. Course I sleep as well an eat occasionally. But if what your doing is making you prosper I see no need to fix it. I read only good thing aside you going to work twacked outta your mind.



    Good luck to you man
     
  11. Young and Restless

    Young and Restless Newbie

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    Well I'm at work twacked out of my mind all right. I don't look very high its just my complexion is awful. I think I fit right into my niche though. Many of my job duties are that of which a tweaker might enjoy anyways. You see a guy outside sweeping and cleaning all of the windows at 6:30am and you'd probably guess he's on dope without looking at him.
     
  12. This Mofoin dude

    This Mofoin dude Newbie

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    Maaan I used to work for a burger joint and on the day I relapsed they put on the front counter. For the next ten hours lmao it was a blast
     
  13. Scrofula

    Scrofula Mercury Member

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    No one seemed to appreciate how I sorted all the paper clips and rubber bands by size, color and vendor on the mail cart every morning. Stupid coworkers.
     
  14. This Mofoin dude

    This Mofoin dude Newbie

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    I appreciate all of your hard work an would like to extend a hand of gratitude for us the people who don't say shit, to you good sir for your fine display of organization, color oriented as well even! An I would also like you to know that your contributions to this team are a invaluable asset.

    That's all I got.
     
  15. Lye Locked

    Lye Locked Silver Member

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    I was about your age when I started slipping up and doing all the things that cleared the way for me becoming a hardcore meth addict. I never thought in a million years that I would end up like this. Once you start getting more instead of dealing with the comedown.you are setting yourself up big time. Doing more and more frequently will cause your brain to create new neural pathways which completely change the way the different parts of your brain communicate. This is how addiction forms.

    Take this very seriously. Plan your come down and then deal with it without getting more. The smart move would be to stick to smoking bud to get high and to hell with speed and all the potential bad things it has to offer. Stay healthy and ensure that your life stays going in a direction that you are happy with.

    All the best to you.:)
     
  16. Scrofula

    Scrofula Mercury Member

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    I know that was meant for OP, but as I haven't slept in . . . a while, let me point out that weed did more damage to my psyche by far than any other substance.
    Just sayin, its not ideal for everyone.
    --- Double Post Merged, May 20, 2017 ---
    Thank you sir. I hope your tax return was processed appropriately.
     
  17. glassman34

    glassman34 Newbie

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    When i was younger half the fun was staying up long enough to see shadow people. But within months it had got away from me. Staying up the whole work week, getting maybe 10 hours of sleep a week. Trust me, you are doing damage. I stopped when my kidneys were on fire and didnt have the energy to stand up. I told everyone close to me, even my dealer was supportive. Making the statement he is not a "pusher or enabler" and cut me off for a month. I made a goal of at least 1 month rest. I thought smoking weed would help, and the first couple of days it did. But after a week or so I didnt even want to smoke a cig. You will crave it...but cut yourself off as much as possible. It helped when a couple of weeks past and I reassured myself by knowing I am just taking a break, When its over the high will be worth it. Oh and it is. You gotta plan my man...otherwise you'll get caught in a cycle where you cant come down. You will eat sleep sleep eat and then sleep. Then you'll start to function all day on 8 hours sleep. When you can go a week and sleep 8 hours without trouble...then you can plan the next 72 hour weekend. Or never touch it again....regardless take care of your body.
     
  18. Young and Restless

    Young and Restless Newbie

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    I was thinking about the comedown as well. But I have no excuse to bitch this time.

    And as for cutting down on dope, I am better off if I don't have a choice. The past 3 months I've gotten a LOT of free dope because my friend goes super strung out when he does it, and has unlimited money. For a long period I would spend maybe 20-40 a month on dope, yet stay jacked up literally all the time. Thats what started this addiction. I knew ahead of time that me having a low income is really beneficial for me, cause it forces me to be sparing and be sober for most of the month. I had no trouble maintaining, no bad comedown, none of that for 7 months. Then I start getting invited to share an eight ball every damn weekend and I totally slipped.
    Good news though, my buddy has overdone himself and actually wants to quit. So I'm back to paying for my own habits.
    And judging by this shit, I'm already getting mega bang for my buck.

    And by the way, I really appreciate the genuine responses I and everyone else gets on this forum. When I start rambling, my peers arent listening when, to my surprise, my ramblings on here get helpful and sound feedback. I can truly say I like this tweaker community far more than my local tweaker community. I mean, yall should be the 'faces of meth'! Not these soulless hustlers and thieves that have come to be the stereotype.
     
  19. Scrofula

    Scrofula Mercury Member

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    Awww, but I'm already on a few of those meme posters.
     
  20. Lye Locked

    Lye Locked Silver Member

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    I get that... He had previously mentioned that he enjoyed smoking green in this thread. I could smoke pot and enjoy it anytime and anywhere when I was in my teens and twenties. Then, all of a sudden things changed. It started making me uncomfortable... However, if I am high on meth I enjoy the marijuana high. If I'm clean, not so much.