1. Dear Drugs-Forum readers: We are a small non-profit that runs one of the most read drug information & addiction help websites in the world. We serve over 4 million readers per month, and have costs like all popular websites: servers, hosting, licenses and software. To protect our independence we do not run ads. We take no government funds. We run on donations which average $25. If everyone reading this would donate $5 then this fund raiser would be done in an hour. If Drugs-Forum is useful to you, take one minute to keep it online another year by donating whatever you can today. Donations are currently not sufficient to pay our bills and keep the site up. Your help is most welcome. Thank you.
    PLEASE HELP
    Dismiss Notice

Sexual - Suboxone is ruining my relationship

Discussion in 'Buprenorphine' started by detoxking, Sep 6, 2011.

  1. detoxking

    detoxking Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    75
    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    38
    I am currently on 4mg suboxone, and about to drop down to 2mg. TBH, I am quite comfortable on the suboxone in as far as I am managing to stay off more dangerous street drugs, and I am stable enough to lead a productive life and do the things I want to do. The one problem, and it is a big problem - My sex drive. My libido is pretty much at zero, and as I am in a relationship, this is not good at all. My partner has been very patient over the last few months. I lost my sex drive about 6 or more months ago after a period of repeated lapses on heroin and crack. Every time I got clean for a while, my sex drive would just start to creep up, but then I would go and blow it all with another relapse. The reasons behind my pattern of relapsing are irrelevant - I am addressing this seperately. But in order to stabilize my lifestyle, I went on a suboxone maintenance script. Its great as far as my individual life is concerned, but it is affecting my partner big time. We have not had sex for months, and he is getting so frustrated now, emotionally as well as sexually. He thinks that I don't fancy him anymore. Sometimes he getsd ideas that I'm cheating, I dont love him etc etc. I love my partner and I want things back to normal between us, but the only way this is gonna happen is if I get off the suboxone and stay clean. I am hoping to go into detox very soon and clean up, and all the aftercare will be arranged for me etc. I wanna get clean, but I'm scared that I'm doing it more to save my relationship than I am for me. If I was single, I think I'd stay on suboxone for a while longer. I start my 2nd year at college next week, and the detox is gonna interrupt the beginning of my curricular year. Not just the time I spend in the detox centre, but the time it takes for my poor brain to recover after I come out. I am also on diazepam, only a low dose, but I don't think its that which is causing the libido problem. I'm not sure though. In some ways I think the diazepam will help me deal with some of the longer term suboxone withdrawal symptoms, and they certainly help me with my anxiety. I just don't know what to do for the best. My partner has been patient with me long enough, I wouldn't expect him to wait much longer before he decides to walk away from me. And that scares me. The pressure I feel under is hard to cope with. I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. oxy_girl418

    oxy_girl418 Newbie

    Age:
    31
    Reputation Points:
    5
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    15
    Ok, I know how you feel...now if you don't mind me asking is how long have you been with your partner? Just curious because if that person loves you, they need to understand that these kind of meds do have these side effects. And if anything they should be supporting your decision to get clean and stay clean. And getting off suboxone is very hard from what I hear from the ceiling effects. I know sex is very important in a relationship, but what is more important to you, your life or sex? And if your gonna get off the subs make sure you do it because you are ready, not because your partner is unhappy with your sex life. You guys can always do other things that will still let he/she know that you still care about them. But it's really important that you make these decisions for you, and not for other people.
    It's hard getting sober, but staying sober is a lifelong battle.....
    The is Just my opinion. I hope you and your partner work things out...
     
  3. missparkles

    missparkles Platinum Member & Advisor

    Reputation Points:
    9,388
    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2009
    Messages:
    5,706
    In any relationship regardless of whether someone is on drugs, off drugs, coming of heroin, or using, sex is not the most important part. But if it's missing, it can cause all sorts of problems. I agree totally with the above poster who says that it's far preferable to be stable and have no sex life, than be on street gear, with all the dangers due to that high risk lifestyle, and be as horny as your average bunny. Sex is not just about the physical act of having intercourse, its a way to show love, and you do that with foreplay. I think perhaps your boyfriend feels unloved because you don't have intercourse, but you can employ foreplay to take it's place for a while.

    What about showing him just how much you care, by pampering him? Run him a bath, get some exotic massage oil or even Johnsons baby oil (make sure you warm it in a glass of hottish water) and give him a sensual massage. That can be finished of with oral sex, or just a hand job. He'll still feel cared for and loved. Perhaps make it a thing that you do if you see that he's feeling down, cos it would also cheer him up a lot, I imagine.

    You know I always found that with my ex, if I showed him more attention, touching a lot (I'm very tactile) going out of my way to get something nice that he liked to eat, or just snuggling up in front of a good porn movie at night. Cos after all, if he was supporting me when I had my "clean spells" I was gonna make damn sure he knew I appreciated it. Sex toys help as well, My ex told me that some of his best orgasms occurred when we used "toys." ;)

    I think for most people, it is all of the touching and stroking that goes on before intercourse that shows them that we love them, intercourse is just the way we finish it off. Yeah, I know intercourse can be bloody special in it own way, but compensate by making what would normally be foreplay "special."

    Just explain to him that he's gonna have to wait a little longer, that you really appreciate him, but at the moment you couldn't get horny if your life depended on it. Tell him how important this is to you, to both of you, and just ask him to be patient for a little longer. There are more ways to show you love someone in a sexual way than with intercourse.

    I hope this helps some, perhaps a little minx called "girlie" will be along soon. She'll know (in detail) just what you'd need to do. Personally I think the sexiest thing you can do is get him to tell you his fantasies and then act them out. Always worked for me, I know I may be 56, but I ain't dead.;)

    Sparkles.:vibes:
     
  4. Emin

    Emin Silver Member

    Age:
    24
    Reputation Points:
    181
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2011
    Messages:
    433
    I ran into this problem with benzodiazepines. I guess you can say I took the easy way out and went to a doctor and told him I could not get erections and I wasn't taking any other meds. I was 16 then, I'm still in the same relationship and things are going great sex-wise. I still have the original script three years later (shows how much he gave me). These aren't magic pills to make you want sex though, they simply help you when you're aroused to instantly get a rock hard-on. I would only do this sparingly though, and still continue to attempt your taper.
     
  5. SWIMJIM

    SWIMJIM Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    20
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2010
    Messages:
    59
    It hasn't effected my "drive", it effects my performance and I hate it. I'm a 56 y/o guy and have developed acute anorgasmia from Suboxone. I recently got into a relationship and it has been lousy that it's so hard to cum. We have phone sex when we're not together and I've faked it just to not make it an issue. I just got down to one mg or less a day and the ability to cum seems to be back. I can't wait to be over this but even at this small dose I feel like I'm in for a rough time if I stop completely. What a nuisance.
     
  6. HeyDeeOhRed

    HeyDeeOhRed Newbie

    Age:
    31
    Reputation Points:
    -15
    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2011
    Messages:
    13
    SWIMJIM,
    I've noticed the same effects with opiates and opioids, and I know the frustration. I, however, have occasionally been able to make it happen (usually going at it 2 hours plus! XD) Sure my girlfriend can get a little fed up with it, but for the most part when we have sex if I don't cum, I don't cum... meh, no big deal, it felt good, she almost ALWAYS cums. So maybe take another approach to the situation as opposed to needing sex in the relationship to Needing to cum for the sex to be worthwhile.

    I should mention I'm only 26 as well, so circumstances could definitely play a factor here.

    Just another view/opinion.
    Best of luck to you sir.
    -Heydee
     
  7. AddyCrazy

    AddyCrazy Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    87
    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2007
    Messages:
    304
    SWIY may want to try and get a low dose of Bupropion aka Wellbutrin. It is an antidepressant that effects dopamine and norepinephrine but because of its effects on dopamine it is known to have no sexual side effects and in fact can INCREASE libido of people who are lacking it. SWIM used it in the past when he was in the same situation but the other end of it and it was physically impossible to have sex with his girlfriend. This worked wonders and in fact helped with other mental problems (depression) he had at the time. Also it may just take more to get SWIY going and what not. This may be getting to personal but is it just the drive to do it or is she physical effected to such as not getting wet down there and that kind of stuff. Someone may just need to make more of an event out of it such as candles, taking a hot bath together, massaging each other and all that good stuff. It actually was great for SWIM in the end because he was able to last forever so he could finish his girlfriend several times and then when he finally finished it was amazing. Good luck and it can certainly be frustrating but SWIM knows that if his girlfriend had these problems he would wait forever for her because he loves her very much and while sex is extremely important to healthy relationships and actually a healthy life and mood, it is not everything in life or a relationship.
     
  8. kailey_elise

    kailey_elise Gold Member

    Reputation Points:
    6,126
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Messages:
    4,116
    I know this is a little old, but I missed it the first time around.

    If you're having trouble with erections & being able to orgasm, erectile dysfunction meds can definitely help with that.

    If it's a problem with not getting horny...I gotta say, try that whole "fake it until you make it" thing. I know that, especially when I was on psych meds (this being before I got older & had hormonal changes that make me randy all the damn time), I often wouldn't want to initiate sex, that I almost wanted to turn away if my husband tried to initiate it with me.

    But I have to say, many times when I started out with the mindset of "doing it just to get through it so he'll be happy", it didn't take too long before I was really into it myself.

    If you guys have anal intercourse, this might be harder to go along with (being the punter might be an issue, erection-wise, if you're not into it & being the receiver and not being into it can be exceptionally painful!), but if you two are more into oral (or go back & forth between the two), it can be easier. You might not be in the mood initially, but once y'all start making out & such, you might feel more up for it. And if not...well, some people might not agree with me, but I'd say 'take one for the team', as it were, & give him head. But don't do this so often that you form a huge resentment towards him, because that's no fucking good either!

    But, like I said, often, if I sort of went along with it, it would get me in the mood. And sometimes I just did it because I knew it was really a small thing that could make him very happy.

    I have to say, it's very very very important that you keep up the physical affection. The breakdown of my marriage wasn't a lack of sex (although we didn't really have any for the last 6 years of the marriage), it was a lack of intimacy. We eventually stopped sleeping next to each other in bed (although he joined me in sleeping in the living room after a couple years), and then the regular hugs & kisses & hair ruffling as one walked by the other...when THAT stuff stopped, the relationship really broke down.

    The sex itself isn't as important as the intimacy.

    ~Kailey
     
  9. HeyDeeOhRed

    HeyDeeOhRed Newbie

    Age:
    31
    Reputation Points:
    -15
    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2011
    Messages:
    13
    =) I agree 100%