Got to tell ya, this SWIM fella's been getting on my nerves lately. Listen to this: SWIM bears a passing resemblance to me. Accordingly, he thinks it humorous to go into bars, do wildly inappropriate things while loaded, then claim to be me! Next day, I'M the one who catches hell. If he wasn't such a good tipper, we'd both have 86'd outta every joint in town. Plus, he steals my money. I can't tell you the amount of times I've woken up in the morning and found money missing! I sure don't recall spending it--can't imagine who else it could be. But here's the worst: last night, the two of us are out drinking. While I'm being cautious and staying within the public drunkenness/DWI laws of my state, SWIM's being his usual, kamikaze-drunk self. Safely and legally at home, I make the mistake of trying to catch up to him. Don't remember getting into bed that night, but when the sun wakes me up the next morning, the bastard's wearing my pants! I tell ya, some things you're better off not remembering.