Three Weeks with no joy...

Discussion in 'Opiates & Opioids' started by weekender2, Dec 6, 2006.

  1. weekender2

    weekender2 Silver Member

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    So I have now spent three straight weekends without the loving embrace of Morpheus. Since he only chipped once a week anyway he's not experiencing any symptoms of withdrawal -- any physical ones, anyway.

    He is feeling a certain low-grade mental malaise that robs most events of their joy. Sure - he smiles, and laughs, in all the right spots. But there's something missing, goddammit.

    There's just nothing to look forward to. No reason to move one's schedule around a planned six hours on the couch. No sensation so intense the word "euphoria" hardly suffices. No pleasant afterglow that can carry over even to the next day. It's just over, and there's a patina of gray over everything that has nothing to do with impending Winter in New England.

    The worst thing is that I amn't doing this voluntarily. He certainly doesn't want to violate the ban on discussing sources, but suffice it to say that HIS sources pretty much have sucked lately. Curse the doctors and their uptight policies!

    I know, or hopes, that (supposing his "situation" doesn't improve) eventually this feeling will go away; that there will come a weekend where his most predominant emotion won't be melancholy. That this mild but everpresent sense of loss will one day leave him.

    He just wishes it would happen soon.

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Forthesevenlakes

    Forthesevenlakes Platinum Member

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    Depression and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) is a less-discussed but often-experienced aspect of opiate withdrawal. You may have not had a physical withdrawal, but it seems that he has linked morphine with experiencing joy, which happens to alot of people, and without morphine at least occasionally, he is not experiencing any joy at all. Compared to the pleasure of opiates, alot of life's daily pleasures can seem insignificant or unenjoyable. This feeling of emptiness will go away, but it can take a few months. But theres nothing abnormal about you's situation, just give it some time, and maybe take a voluntary hiatus from morphine even if its available, until these feelings dissipate.
     
  3. Wflash

    Wflash Newbie

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    This may seem unhelpful, but I believe you have to be honest with yourself about things like this.

    A lot of people in SWIM's experience have completely kicked opiate habits only to find themselves in situations like you's and eventually go back on. I believe strongly that if one is going to give up an opiate habit permanently, they have to accept that "normal life" might not ever be able to offer them the same satisfactions that the adventure of getting hold of and euphoria of taking opiates gave - and accept living life without those feelings.

    SWIM's sure that You will undoubtedly feel better in time. Just as when your heart gets broken, and you can't ever imagine finding joy in the world around you again, time does heal in the end as the memory of the person you loved fades into the distance.

    But for some people - I amn't saying this applies to everyone by any means, but for some people - the whole reason they started taking drugs in the first place was because life in the world was just a little too grey for them. If they decide to get clean, they need to to consciously decide to live in that world and deal with that greyness.
     
  4. weekender2

    weekender2 Silver Member

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    SWIWFlash and SWI7 (as always), thanks. In my case, I have made no decision to kick anything - that decision was more or less made for him. Although having just laid his grubby mitts on some poppy pods and plans to make a tea this weekend (report to follow), that problem goes away.

    It nonetheless raises some uncomfortable questions about Momma Opium and her place in SWIM's life. Someone on this forum said that she was a terrific lover and a horrible master - I am beginning to really appreciate the wisdom of those words. Even as a lover, one finds - as in life - that there are consequences for ignoring her for too long.

    Pax,
    Weekender