Question - What did i experience on shrooms?

Discussion in 'Magic Mushrooms (Psilocybe & Amanita)' started by new to this, Oct 7, 2018.

  1. new to this

    new to this Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    Oct 7, 2018
    19 y/o from Ontario, Canada
    A few months ago my boyfriend at the time texted me while
    I was at work asking if I wanted to do shrooms with him and
    his friend after work. I had done shrooms a few times before
    and didn't have any bad experiences, I honestly thought they
    were really fun so I agreed and we met up at his place after my work.

    This would have taken place during school and I was behind
    or late for something in one of my classes and I worked early the
    next day. The friend that my boyfriend invited with us was
    a known drug dealer in town we'll call him Mark, and he kind of
    made me uncomfortable just because he was kind of creepy.

    Anyways, we all went up to my boyfriend's room and ate the
    shrooms. None of us took much over 2 grams. Right before they kicked
    in my boyfriend panicked and made himself throw up because he
    was afraid to get high. I calmed him down and we were all sitting
    in the living room together as we began our trips.

    I don't really consider myself much of a loner. I enjoy the company
    of others and I like to cuddle but, my boyfriend kept grabbing me
    and trying to hug me and it made me really scared and uncomfortable.
    I didn't recognize him when I looked at him and it scared me so I tried
    to stay far away from him. It also made me feel anxious when he tried to hug me.

    I eventually calmed down and was lying alone on the floor just
    giggling to myself and enjoying the hallucinations, I felt like I was an ant
    in a big meadow, in fact, I kept having hallucinations of being outside
    when we stayed in his house for the majority of my trip until I had to go home.

    Eventually, my meadow trip turned dark. I started to think about the
    school work I was missing and how I was going to get home because the
    effects wouldn't wear off in time for my self-set curfew. As I began to
    panic I tried to pull myself out of it and it worked for a few minutes when
    I decided to get up and go to the washroom. I don't remember the walk to
    the washroom or even standing up but when I got to the bathroom I felt safe.
    I was in a meadow again and I felt like everything was ok. When I looked at
    myself in the mirror I saw my hair was curled perfectly (I didn't curl my hair
    before going to his house and my hair is not normally curly) when I left the
    bathroom there was this heavy feeling throughout the house like something
    wasn't right.

    Mark was talking a lot about going to clubs and doing cocaine (which made
    me uncomfortable for some reason) and then tried to light a joint inside my
    boyfriend's house when he was specifically asked not to multiple times. I told
    him to stop because it was giving me anxiety and he promptly told me to "Shut
    the fuck up and let the men talk". I got very mad at this comment and started
    screaming over and over again for him to stop. Another girl that was there was
    sober and tried shoving a glass of water in my face for me to "sober up" and I
    freaked out on her too. I broke down into tears and couldn't stop crying.

    I was told a few days later that people were trying to calm me down but I
    just kept yelling stop. I remember talking to myself a lot but I don't remember
    anyone talking to me. I kept saying I wanted it to be over. I'm not sure who I
    was talking to but I was begging them to end it, someone, who had a greater
    power and had the control over my life that I was lacking. I remember seeing
    shapes and patterns that weren't there and I just couldn't stop crying and begging
    this greater power to just let it be over. I told my boyfriend that I wanted so badly
    to be out of this I wanted to die.

    Seeing me in distress and trying his best to help me, my boyfriend moved me
    up into his room and lay down with me in his bed. I stared at the ceiling and
    once I calmed down a little I was pointing at his ceiling telling him to look at the
    stars. I was seeing these little lights moving around his ceiling as if stars were there.
    Sometime during my "star gazing" I heard the faint sound of car doors slamming
    and I heard my father's voice screaming my name and asking where I was. I
    jumped out of bed and looked at my boyfriend saying "That's my dad!". Nobody
    else heard this, my father was not there. I calmed myself down but I have still to
    this day never experienced something so real. I remember slowing my breathing
    down and closing my eyes. When I opened them again I saw this bright light (there
    were no lights on in his room and the window had blinds over it) in the corner of the
    room and at that moment I truly believed I was dying. I told him over and over that
    it was ok, and that everything was going to be okay because it was my time to go.

    To this day I still have dreams about that moment of when I felt I was dying and that
    being that I was talking to during my nervous breakdown.

    I guess my question is, what the hell did I experience that night? On such a low dose
    I never expected anything so intense. Was it an "ego death" or just really intense
    hallucinations? Will it happen again? Should I be afraid of it?
  2. Shartist

    Shartist Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    Sep 14, 2018
    from Indiana, United States
    The potency of psilocybin mushrooms can vary quite a bit. Intense trips have happened after ingesting even less than what you did. It does not sound like you experienced ego death, but did have a very powerful trip. It is important to know how powerful substance is before you take it. Test the waters at first with low doses or at the least listen to the advice of someone who has experience with THAT batch and is also of similar body weight to you.

    Religious experiences with psilocybin are quite common. Mushrooms have been used for centuries in religious ceremonies. They continue to be used today by some tribes who have carried over the traditional use into Christianity. I do not know what you believe but for me the being that you were talking to would be God. It has been found that asking for the experience to stop does not work. Instead, praying for guidance and strength to make it through can be extremely helpful.

    Set and setting can be very important during a psychedelic experience. You seemed to not be comfortable with what was going on around you. That Mark character sounds like a shady asshole. Things like this can steer a trip down a dark path. You felt better in the bathroom because it is a safe and private room. Having a place like this to go during a trip if it gets too intense I think is a must. It also gives some time for important reflection and introspection. Psychedlics can bring out any personal problems and underlying mental/emotional issues you may be having to the forefront. Having a private comfortable place to work these out is important otherwise they may continue to boil inside of you causing anxiety and distress.

    Having dreams like you are having is common after having any type of intense experience. You will be ok. Take some time to think about your experience and why it turned into a bad one before trying psychedelics again. It may happen again if you are not careful. I would say yes you should be afraid but it should be a respectful fear. Psilocybin mushrooms are a powerful substance and if you are not careful and/or abuse them they can kick your ass. If proper care is taken and respect is given they can be wonderful.
  3. Zombi

    Zombi The human lab rat Silver Member Donating Member

    Reputation Points:
    May 21, 2018
    from England, United Kingdom
    Ego death is very possible at low doses, and I found the hard way that you can slip yourself into ego death and be able to control the experience although I wouldn't consider it a full blown ego death because it is easy to come back (although is can be just as intense).

    Being anxious will increase your amount of thoughts, blood pressure and heart rate which are all stimuli that you are feeling and these stimuli are significantly magnified when taken with psychedelics. If you are alone in a dark room tripping whilst being anxious, your mind will take over and because it is dark and you can't see anything you literally cannot control what you see afterwards.

    I remember going in and out of the void on around 2 tabs of shitty LSD (maybe around 150-160ug?) with tolerance, so the same could be achieved with 2 grams of shrooms but being able to control what I just described took me a while to master and if you aren't experienced it can be either terrifying or very enlightening.

    By the way, I feel sorry for you and how you had to put up with such rudeness from others whilst tripping together on mushrooms which can be quite a sacred and intimate experience. I am not surprised you felt how you felt, because when under the influence of any psychedelic your emotions are boosted and good things may seem REALLY good whereas bad things may seem like the worst of the worst.
  4. Diphenhydraman

    Diphenhydraman Silver Member

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    May 26, 2013
    from earth
    In my opinion you made a mistake by just taking the mushrooms and not researching how to get a good "set and setting". You have to have planned ahead of time to make sure the environment and setting is pleasant, peaceful, familiar, safe etc. Also it is better to take mushrooms alone when you can focus on yourself and not interpreting what someone else around you may have said. You should have done them alone or only with the boyfriend if you feel comfortable around him. Then you have to have prepared nice music, maybe watch some videos. It also would have helped if at the moment when you felt onset of panic you have to have swtiched to something else immediately. For example you feel negative thoughts coming in, then immediately open some youtube video or play some music. It helps switch the entire course of experience.