when do you say enough is enough? how to best get clean?

Discussion in 'Cocaine addiction' started by isis, Feb 6, 2004.

  1. isis

    isis Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    2
    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2004
    k i am new to this, i came here because you really don't know where else to go to discuss these type of things, all my friends are clean now and believe i am also, i am a good hider as well as lier to my friends, family and myself. I started cocaine around the age of 14, been through everything else A-Z cocaine always stuck, then as time wore on you get bored with the regular cocaine high so the next choices are shooting or the pipe, i chose the pipe, that was over 10 years ago, i believe i am not what you would consider a bonafide crack addict, i don't look the part i guess you could say, i look at people strung out in my hod and you can spot their monkey a mile away.*

    My question is how do i stop, yeah sure just don't pick up the pipe, eaiser said then done. i have hit rock bottom on this shit, lost everything, still struggle with my inner self, spending the electric bill money or the food money and so on, in fact as i type this topic i am getting high right now. Sick of hiding when the door knocks or the phone rings because geezee is hunting me down for the 4 i got on credit 3 days ago. I don't want rehab tried it to me it was a bunch of bull everyone going to bare their soul swearing no more then 9:15pm rolls around and there they go on the corner to get 2 just for the hell of it been there. excuses excuses excuses what is it going to take to make me realize no more help has anyone out there felt like this? can anyone relate? can anyone give me the insight i need?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  2. str8ballin

    str8ballin Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    2
    Messages:
    234
    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2003
    from U.S.A.
    When you look yourself in the mirror and you're totally disgusted. Just keep working, in fact try working 2 jobs. Anything to use up some of that free time. Try limiting yourself to the weekends or every other weekend. Smoke alot of weed if thats your thing. It can be beat, just takes some time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  3. eski

    eski Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    40
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    31 y/o
    I can relate to you, or you could probably relate to me more so, i am 16, and have been on crack for some time, but went cold turkey monday just gone, i have tried before and not got anywhere.

    I have done the same thing, spent any money i could get, stole from people and shops to get money, pawned any belongings i had along with half of my household appliances and such, but when your parents go away and leave you with an addiction and a house full of TV's DVD's and playstaion games its offerd on a plate i suppose. Some may think this is discracefull but my addiction became my life, and still is.

    Although i spose i do look the typical addict, with hardly any weight on me and my eyes looking like piss holes in the snow.

    What made me realise i needed to stop was not OD'ing or looking in the mirror and hating my self, but knowing i couldent go on physically and mentally i either had to die or come clean. And then my day came, i was arrested for shoplifting and spent a day and a half in there, the choice was made for me, when i came out i couldent even get near any puff let alone crack so i took this as my chance to give up, and am still clean, 5 days later, which sounds pathetic but to me feels like a life time.

    Things like OverDose, arn't relevent when you are on a high, or the usuall crap people give you, it took a day and a half staring at 4 walls feeling like i was dieing to kick my ass into gear, and my own clear head to think about what i was doing in my life. I found it wasnt looking at my self when i was a state but what i am like now, the real me. The only thing i do now is smoke weed all the time, i find it helps slightly.

    sorry for going on, i hope i might help a little bit.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  4. manda

    manda Palladium Member

    Reputation Points:
    215
    Messages:
    494
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    I cannot seem to beat meth either, I love it, I hate it. These drugs are powerful and addictive. I'm glad I'm not alone.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2008
  5. eski

    eski Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    40
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    31 y/o
    No you arn't even though you may feel isolated, i think everyone does but there are so many the same.
     
  6. Tweak

    Tweak Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    20
    Messages:
    58
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2004
    Mind over matter!

    Works every time you just need to tap into your chi energy!

    I smoked cigarettes for years, then I thought..f**k this, im going to die if i keep smoking...so i stopped and havnt touched tobacco in 3 years!

    Smoked weed for god knows how long and one day decided enough was enough..that was 1 year ago!

    In my time I have also injected meth, heroin, coke, methadone, morphine & pethidine and have been addicted to all of these at one stage or another. Currently, I am addicted to none of these substances.

    Sure, I have the occasional shot of good meth, but is merely for a social occasion!

    If you think smoking crack is addictive, Try being addicted to 4 different opiates at any given time ;|

    Btw, I have never stolen to support my habit, and I have maintained full time work throughout the entire ordeal!!
     
  7. eski

    eski Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    40
    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    31 y/o
    Then you must be loaded not everyone has £100's of pounds to spend on a habit. Iagree with you in some ways but things are easier to say than do. And what you have just said is a perfect example.

    And i know my self i couldent have the "occasional" hit, because i would get the taste for it again.

    You must be very strong minded, i envy you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  8. Bogie

    Bogie Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    2
    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2004
    I also was a slave to "base". I never had "crack". I was a proud cook. I made it myself, from good coke. I follow the Tweak method. I have quit the evils...one by one too. I quit cigs, pot, base and now it's the opiates turn. I do have some real pain issues from a failed bypass....but I do not need to do all opies ....every week. I will beat this too. You must reach deep down inside and set your mind to it. I also believe that there are some ppl who do need help. I just don't know which one you are ISIS. Good luck and never stop trying. Peace
     
  9. josteve

    josteve Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    1
    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2004
    Hey, If you really want help, got to an addiction counsellor. I am not saying rehab but a counsellor that you go see once a week or something. I am an addiction counsellor, with a problem. I understand both ways.

    chow!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  10. Goodguy

    Goodguy Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    5
    Messages:
    1
    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2004
    What has worked for me (so far) is to literally find (or take) a picture of myself and sit down and observe the picture and write down everything I see that is happening and going on with this person(ME) at this moment in time OR what my drug useage (weekend cocaine use) has wrought upon my life. What did I see? My coke use...keeps me unhappy and depressed...keeps me in financial diffculty...makes my job performance less than what it should be...keeps me isolated...keeps me feeling powerless in areas where I should feel confident...IS SELF ABUSIVE...and on and on. There are people who are successful and happy and don't do drugs. There are also people (like me) who turn to drug use to change the way they feel and AVOID RESPONSIBILITY for being in control of their own lives and behavior. No doubt about it, the monkey on my back of drug use is sometimes more than I wish to bear, but DO I WANT TO LIVE A "TROUBLED" LIFE or do I want a productive and meaningful existence with my time left here? I can continue with my drug use and live like aLOSER...or observe how other people live lives of purpose and fulfilment. It's MY choice.
     
    1. 4/5,
      Useful contribution describing the technique you use to take stock of your situation. Thanks for sharing.
      Feb 2, 2015
  11. skinnyb_1

    skinnyb_1 Silver Member

    Reputation Points:
    10
    Messages:
    3
    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2004
    man i know exactly how you feel!!! sucks dont it. I believe you cant be mad to quit like threw the system you have to want to quit.I ve been smoking dope for nearly 7 years everyday and i am finally sick and tired of wasting my money, plus there no good shit anymore!i ve lied to my boyfriend numerous times swearing i quit then with in a few weeks hed find a sack or pipe its terrible hes serious goibng to leave me if i dont quit thats the #1 reason i am ready is it really worth getting high ???nope i m more afraid of the come down actually afraid ill sleep for a month.
     
  12. Brooklyn2817

    Brooklyn2817 Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    1
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    I have been using coke relatively heavily (for the amount I did it before) for about a month. Ican't bring myself to think it's a problem. Maybe that's denial, but I beleive I am addicted, it just hasn't had anybad effects on my life, only good ones. Sure I don't like when I havent had any for a little while, and I am worried about getting on a plane next week to Europe, but I have been totally more focused on school work, awake, confident, and happy. I haveplentyofmoney tosupport a gram a week. How can I stop when I know I shouldn't get into it any deeper,but I don't see the negative effects? I was also on Zoloft ealier to help depression, so I already know and am trying to do something about emotional shit. I am not doing enough to hurt myself, and it has only changed my life in a good way. ?????????
     
  13. manda

    manda Palladium Member

    Reputation Points:
    215
    Messages:
    494
    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    You better say enough's enough before you use just to feel normal. If you use just to feel normal, can we spell P-R-O-B-L-E-M-O?
     
  14. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    73
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    hi there

    i am a mother of a heroin addict....i have read your threads and feel really sorry for the state you are in...

    i loved my daughter and helped her with her addictions, fighting doctors for treatment, nursing her when she had thrown herself out of our top window just to get her drugs, everything i could do to help i did....
    i helped her to pay off the people that she got drugs from hoping that it would finish....she would cry and i would hold her... i went through all the hells she went through all in the name of love....
    i did this up till 2 yrs ago when her drugs started to affect my relationship with my fiance, she stole of him, stole things belonging to him as well....

    to cut a long story short, i had to kick my beloved daughter out....this nearly killed me, my darling beautiful daughter who i loved so much who would rather choose drugs than me...i ended up on anti depressants and sleeping tablets and i cried all the time and worried about her...

    i met her a few weeks ago and this was the first time we had spoken in 2 yrs, she is off drugs and has a flat of her own and looks brilliant...
    its called TOUGH LOVE and it was tough believe me.
    i pray every night that my daughter will stay well, positive and happy...

    please, please think before taking anything, i know its easy for me to say but i have been through hell and back and i wouldnt want your parents to go through what i have been through....
    take care what ever you do and please think about your future...
    bless you all where ever you are in the world...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  15. kiddo

    kiddo Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    9
    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2004
    3 month on speed, using everyday. good&bad days but I can't find a reason to quit.. one day I'llsay it's enoughbut right now I ask myself why.. after reading linda's post I realize that I don't wanna spoil itfor my parents... I keep thinking that I can stop whenever I want to, but is that really the truth? maiby at this moment but not after years... Gotta go my mind's exploding cause the futur says hello in my mind..keep it good ppl!

    - - better days - -
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  16. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    73
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    hi kiddo, i hope your well..

    i met my daughter's boyfriend the other day and he was telling me that my daughter is in a bit of a state, she has found a lump on her breast and is frightened.....all i want to do is hold her and tell her that everything will be ok and its probably nothing and show her how much i love her but I CANT!!!!
    i ended up writing to her telling her to get to the doctor's although its probably nothing but writing this letter was hard as i couldnt show ANY EMOTION in it as that would open the flood gates for her....

    all i want to do is hold her but i cant, tell her that i love her but i cant....unfortunatly i still cant see her as if i did i would end up breaking down and i cant afford that......she is my only child and i cant help her or tell her that i love her, its a terrible thing for a mother to have to feel that way....

    i dare say that your parents are going through what i am going through and its terrible......its the worst nightmare you can ever imagine...
    to say that you can stop when ever you want to is a lie.....i have heard that one before...

    do you not see your future ebbing away to nothing? you have a future but with drugs there is nothin, believe me......have you ever had help? come on and do it....i hate to read of young persons dying due to drugs....think of that side of it.....
    think of your parents and how they would feel if they had to bury you due to drugs.....

    i hope you get some help and soon, dont waste your life as its not a trial its the real thing and you only get one shot at it......DONT WASTE IT....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  17. Nicaine

    Nicaine Titanium Member

    Reputation Points:
    849
    Messages:
    2,355
    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2004
    from Rhode Island, U.S.A.
    Here's my method of choice (but you have to be fairly serious about it):

    (A) Go on vacation somewhere that you have no access at all, far away from where you live (like you'd need to take an airplaine to get back). Maybe somewhere out in the country, in nowheresville Ohio, in desertville Arizona.
    Most people know somebody that could put them up awhile... if not, figure something out. Plan on spending at least 2 weeks, maybe a month.

    (B) Get your head space & shit together while you're there. Perhaps attend at least a few AA, NA or CA meetings... if nothing else, to see how other people are living without it. CA is probably the best, but the meetings can be few & far between. Go for N.A. if possible.

    (C) Get on an antidepressant. Just see a doctor & tell them you're severely depressed (you probably will be anyway), that you can't sleep properly, have no interest in daily activities, can't concentrate, have vague suicidal thoughts, etc. I recommend Wellbutrin (Bupropion). This isprobably the most important step... if you don't do it, the whole thing may not work at all. You need to get your brain chemistry headed back in the right direction.

    (D) When you get back, sever all your connections immediately. Spread the word around that you're in training to be a fuckin' police officer or something (LOL). Throw away your phone numbers, clean the house so it's spotless, toss all paraphernalia, etc. Make sure you have a doc that will continue your antidepressant, and for god's sake TAKE IT REGULARLY.

    (E) Best of luck!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
    1. 4/5,
      Good suggestion to cut off all contact with dealers and clean the house
      Feb 2, 2015
  18. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    73
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    hi there Nicaine

    your method of choice is a good one...you have to be away from were there is easy access to what ever your choosen drug is and you must sever any relationships that could take you back into the world of drugs...unfortunatly a lot of the young folk on this site cant afford to get away but how about camping for a few weeks and fishing...

    maybe if you have a good friend (not involved in drugs) they could help out but they must understand its not an easy thing to take on and they have to understand this...
    although the cravings will be bad and all the horrible feelings that you will probably have will make you struggle, just think of the future and what you will have achieved...

    i am only a mother and not addicted but i can understand what your going through and i wish that i could help you all out, take this all away from you and make you feel good about yourselfs...i believe there is never a problem, only solutions..anything can be achieved if you really want it so go for it kids.....
    you might say i know nothing but i have been through it all with my daughter, i wish you all well and pray that you achieve your goal...

    take care
    linda from scotland
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  19. Nicaine

    Nicaine Titanium Member

    Reputation Points:
    849
    Messages:
    2,355
    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2004
    from Rhode Island, U.S.A.
    You're right, getting totally out of the situation can be difficult. Hopefully someone who really wants badly to kick can find a way though. If it becomes a life or death situation (or a situation where a person has nothing left to lose), it seems to me that always manages to open some doors somehow. Whether or not a person walks through is always up to them.

    Speaking for myself, I've always managed to kick when something becomes far more trouble than it's worth (other than nicotine, which I've nearly given up hope on). It's nothing to brag about, because so far I've also managed to start up again3 to 5years later. I'm hoping I can change that pattern, in particular by "getting a life" and not falling into a situation where life becomes so monotonous or meaningless that drugs become really attractive again.

    Close friends and relationships are important. I used to be extremely shy/anxious to the point of having a social phobia, but have mostly outgrown that now. That means I've outgrown my excuses too.

    Thanks for your response,
    Nic
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015
  20. lindapwallace

    lindapwallace Newbie

    Reputation Points:
    0
    Messages:
    73
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    hi nicaine

    i agree with you.....if its going to help you then why not take it....depression can lead to a lot of things and not just going back on the same old merry go round.......

    linda
    take care and stay strong.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 2, 2015