Hello. I haven't read every topic in this forum, but have seen enough to realize that some very intelligent people post here from all walks of life. I am trying to understand how someone can basically sell their soul and choose cocaine over everything. I have been with this man for almost nine years. We get along fabulously and seldom disagree. We are in our late forties, we have a beautiful house and an income property together and money in the bank and stocks and bonds. We both have management jobs with A major very successful company. He was recently promoted. The only thing is, he will disappear about every month or month and a half and go on a coke binge. He goes to very seedy areas and associates with lowlifes that have stolen his banking card and ripped him off for almost $3000.00 dollars before he realized his card was gone and called the bank to have it frozen. He has taken out over $800.00 dollars on our line of credit in a single night. The list goes on and on. When he disappeared like that I was always so worried that this time maybe one of those lowlifes had killed him for his credit cards or something. One time he was gone for 2 days and they found a body in the Bay where we live. I was so afraid it was him but luckily it wasn't. Every time he is sorry and it is "the last time". The next to "last time" when he came back he cried like he was broken hearted and I really thought he had reached a breakthrough, I had never seen him like that. He seemed like he genuinely doesn't want to do this. I gave him one more chance. Well he blew it. It was about a month and a half after the timebefore. We are working in a huge and dangerous city right now, and almost 2 weeks ago I had to work late and around 8PM he told me he was just going out for a few beers, and would be back in a couple of hours. The next morning he still wasn't back. He had taken the car and disappeared. All day I worried that maybe this time maybe something really did happen to him and debated if I should call the police and report him missing. He finally called me at 6PM all strung out and sorry again. When he came back he lied to me again, giving some lame excuse about where he had been. I kicked him out. Well enough is enough. I loved him very much but I can't take this anymore. When I love someone, I am very loyal and it takes a long time, but I will reach the point where I will walk away. I just can't take the lying and worrying if he is dead or alive. I haven't spoken to him again, I don't want to at this point. I suppose we will have to at some point because if anything we will have to discuss the dissolution of our assetts. I am seeking some kind of insight as to how someone can behave this way. He doesn't use coke every day, but can't resist doing this every now and then. Should I have ended it long ago? Maybe all those ultimatums rang hollow after awhile and he thought I would put up with it forever. Sadly I still love him, except for this we were best friends and things couldn't be better. However I don't respect him or trust him anymore, I am afraid it is over. Can someone ever stop doing this, or was I fool to hang on for so long?