SWIM told me this story, "The first time i took XTC was the best sensation I ever had in my entire life. I remember taking the pill and waiting 20 minutes and thinking "I should be buying vodka & red bull". I was in the middle of a rave when suddenly it happened. I was screaming of joy and dancing like if there was no tomorrow. I was with a friend of mine and we encounter a co worker of mine which i was falling for, even before the xtc. Holding her that night was a great feeling. That night changed me forever, i was a drunk and after that experience i really changed. I realised that i wanted to study and that I wanted to do many things with my life, which alcohol was preventing. After that first time my personality started to change. I always loved Electronic Music, but since then i enjoy it in a way that people around me can´t understand. My relationship with many friends started to decay, i saw them as drunk people which didn´t understand many things... the thing is that I didn´t understand other things as important as the ones that i try to explain to them. I begun partying a lot!!!!!! i´m very weak in regard of MDMA, my mates always tell me how they wish to be blown out like me, EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have a theory about that, anyways. Each time i consumed XTC was different but all in all they where all GREAT experiences. Until i did it alone. That was my first panic attack. I remember feeling really small, becoming small. It was so strange. I realised that some of my fears where affecting me. I always liked women, in fact my first kiss was at the age of 11 and my first time was when i was a lad in his 13. But i could never really enjoy sex because of some reasons. I was always insecure about the size of mi dick and also i needed an operation which i did resently. All of this, and my alcoholism, prevented me of having good sexual encounters. I think that this made me very unhappy for a long, long time. The fact is that 4 years ago i decided to shut down myself from girls, unless i was really wasted. It was HELL. I felt like shit. This year i started to work with my father and at the same time i was studying, i felt very stressed and went to many parties, took XTC and dance my problems away. Until one night i went with some people from school. I didn´t knew them so well. Suddenly when i was dancing a girl aproached me and i remember telling me "she will realise i have a small dick" and entering in panic. So some of this people start calling me gay. Suddenly my fears kind of shifted and i started thinking that maybe i was gay. Also, a co worker of mine was in that party and he also saw that and draw the same conclusion. After that night, when i was at work and at university people bodered an laughed at me... i was also kind of having paranoia. I decided to start therapy and stop thinking about others. I knew that there was stuff going on with me that should be revised. Many of the physicall issues had to be attended in order to enjoy sex, but also i couldn´t deny my confusion. Am i gay? am I Bi? am I just a straight man with years of fear? What happened??? The human mind is so complex... i enjoyed X like nothing ever before. But X is not for everybody. MDMA is a great substance, it really is. But it must be respected. Im more conserned about the mental health of people using it than from the other consequenses. I´m still doing therapy, i´m being true to myself by doing things i never thought i would do.... but the confusion remains there.... like the good trips do. I also wanted to say that im clean of every substance for 4 month and a half and if everything os going as planed i may think of droping on december. My conciousness (sp?) is aware of the issues im going through so i think that in a good set and setting i can have a GREAT time. Specially being weak as i am to MDMA and having this month pf break ". That´s his story im pretty sure he would like to hear what you have to say!!!!!!!!!