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30 days free of methadone- feeling AMAZING!

By annab20 · Aug 30, 2024 · 1.1K · 8
Heroin addict for almost a decade, on methadone for over 8 years.
Highest dose was 56mg. Tried to taper 3 times (could stop using) and went back up to 30mg.
Been tapering for over a year, the last 6mg I dropped 2mg a week (not ideal) and left at 2mg
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  1. Somehow this newbie created a new jornal for day 20th instead of creating a new entry to this journal ‍♀️

    Anyhow, today marks my 30th day free of methadone and I’m feeling like a million bucks!!!

    I seriously don’t know why my experience is so different from pretty much all that I read on previous journals and posts, but I’m not complaining at all!

    This is why I like to come here and show a different side to leaving MAT and PAWS experience, because we are all so very different from each other, and one should not be afraid of leaving treatment because of the side effects others have felt- I’m not diminishing anyone’s suffering at all! I know for a fact these long term withdrawal symptoms can really mess up with your whole life! From lack of sleep, depression, anxiety, stomach problems, aches and pains… no one wants to feel like that for months!

    And somehow, here I am on day 30th, celebrating my 5th day without having to take Imodium and going to the bathroom like a normal person in almost a decade!

    Sneezes have come down immense too… I had 3 sneezes yesterday after days without it, and then none today.
    Chills and being extremely cold has also diminished to almost non existent. Sometimes emotional stuff gives me the chills, but I think that’s just what normal people feel? And I have been numbed for so long I forgot that was actually normal…

    I have been back to sleeping my regular 9-10hrs a night for a while now. I’ve always loved sleeping and never functioned well on little sleep, so I was astonished when I went a full week sleeping between 3-5hrs a night and did not feel tired at all!

    Also, no more depression, anxiety or RLS! Maybe starting a new relationship right around the time I was finishing my taper has definitely helped me with not being depressed ❤️ He’s also been through this, and is my rock and best friend. I don’t think I would’ve done so well if it wasn’t for him, and for that I’ll be forever thankful.

    The only lingering symptom remaining is the one that bothers me the least: ringing in the ear, or tinnitus. That hasn’t left, maybe diminished a tiny little bit- which is fine.

    All in all, I am doing fantastic! What a feeling not to be addicted to anything anymore!

    So my plug (at my request) would update me from time to time about his new phone number… and I know it’s not healthy, but he’s the only person I know.
    And this person in my life made me see that it was time to break that off too! So I texted my dealer and said I was good and he didn’t have to send me any new numbers. He said he was happy for me, which I believe (seriously, he talked me out and of buying again a couple times in the past) and after that, I deleted his number!

    Believe, it’s not easy breaking habits but we all can do it! I expected it to be so much harder than what it is. So worth it!
    OpiWasParadise and Belpatra like this.

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  1. gadget
    It’s good to hear something positive. Congrats keep feeling better, new relationship will definitely help!!
    gadget, Sep 20, 2024
      ICEMAN1216, annab20 and BirdJungle like this.
  2. Dancing w Mr Brownstone
    Congratulations on 30 days free! That is huge and it’s so nice to hear a positive story. Methadone can be a wonderful drug that gives patients their lives back when used correctly. So very happy for you!!
    Dancing w Mr Brownstone, Oct 1, 2024
      ICEMAN1216 and BirdJungle like this.
  3. BirdJungle
    Amazing! I love your story of success! I’m at the final stages of my taper off methadone now and it’s great to hear positive stories. I’m really nervous about the next step, dropping to 20 mg and then dropping 2 mg a month from there. My highest dose and maintenance dose was 160. I think I was on the dose for three years almost.

    I tapered 10 mg a month until I hit 50 mg, then dropped 5 mg a month. My last 5 mg drop is this Friday when I go to 20 mg.

    So far it’s been pretty easy. I had one lapse a few weeks ago where I used up a stash of heroin I had saved for a few years. At least now it’s not there to tempt me.

    That was very smart and strong of you to cut off the connection to your dealer. Not an easy thing to do. Up until the lapse I had recently I liked to believe I could still use heroin on occasion without a problem and was reluctant to eliminate my contacts. It’s a great sign of self awareness to realize the guy that was your “best friend” for a while isn’t a positive in your life.
    BirdJungle, Oct 2, 2024
  4. annab20
    @BirdJungle slow and steady wins the race.
    I was never at such high dose as you were, but I was there for over 8 years. We all know methadone has a long half life, and to be honest, after leaving I just kept waiting for things to get worst… really unbearable. But that day never came!
    I think our fear of leaving is what keeps us there for so long.

    I also had a lapse last year while tapering, it was only 1 bag and after day 5 I was like: piece of cake! Then I started to feel like shit and said never again. Funny enough, my dealer did not want me to get it lol

    I understand holding on to a bag, hey I kept asking my dealer to inform me of his new phone numbers… it’s like a safe port “if” you ever want to use… just once… we’ll never be able to do that.

    The last 10mg to me were the roughest, but also I did tapper way too fast. For some reason I was going down 2mg every 2 weeks and they switched to every week! It wasn’t anything too crazy, but certainly faster than it should. By then, I was so done with the place I just wanted out! I left at 2mg, btw.

    Keep me posted on how you’re doing. Can’t wait to see you on this other side!
    annab20, Oct 3, 2024
      ICEMAN1216 and BirdJungle like this.
    1. BirdJungle
      Good thing you stopped injecting the xylazine. That stuff is nasty. I can’t believe dealers put that crap in heroin or fentanyl. Isn’t fentanyl cheap enough? Xylazine isn’t even an opioid so I just wonder why? It’s addictive in and of itself so I guess people could get hooked on a certain supplier. But the damage to people’s skin is just revolting. I can’t even imagine having to use that stuff. It’s really good you realized what was going on before it got too bad.
      BirdJungle, Oct 15, 2024
  5. BirdJungle
    @annab20
    Thanks for the encouragement! Your openness about your experience is helpful. It’s so awesome to know that things never got too bad for you even though you tapered super fast in the end. You’d think clinics across the country would follow similar protocols based on scientific observation of patient success and well-being. My doctors said that research shows patients have better outcomes if they taper slowly. Going too fast can trigger relapse.

    Two mg per month seems excruciatingly slow though. I might ask to do 2 mg every other week. I might. It would be nice to speed things up!

    It’s great you didn’t need a high dose. I was really fucked up in my head when I started on methadone. I didn’t really want to quit using heroin and had a hard time stopping, even on 160 mg. It’s weird how addiction truly hijacks your brain. It’s actually quite scary. I’m so glad to be past that crazy phase of wanting to want to quit but not having the right motivation.

    I guess we’ve both come a long way! Eight years is a long time. I can see how daunting it would be to take the first step to taper after so many years. You should be super proud of yourself for pushing through!
    BirdJungle, Oct 4, 2024
      annab20 and ICEMAN1216 like this.
  6. annab20
    @ICEMAN1216 I’m going to be completely truthful to you: around the time I was leaving the clinic (maybe just a month short) I was celebrating my first year really free of heroin! And I don’t like to mention this, because I know how important it is to have sobriety time under your belt before you take that big leap, but I was JUST DONE WITH IT!

    Something else I haven’t shared in details: in the begging , I started out snorting heroin, and then my husband started IV. But he was wasn’t good at it, and truth be told I was too afraid to try (although I have the most beautiful veins that pop like nothing else). And a couple of times before a more “experienced” friend had IM’s us (intra muscular ) injected us and I had the best high in my entire life! So when my ex hubby would miss his vein leaving extremely undeniable marks, I thought: well, we’re a couple! If only one of us shows these marks no one it’s gonna bat an eye, right? So I kept IM on my upper arms for about 7 years (longer that the “hubby” was around) lol

    I would always be careful not to overuse a needle because sometime it would bruise my upper arms, even with a 30g new needle every time. So much so that I decided to tattoo my upper left arm to cover.

    but as time went on (and don’t forget, I’m still in the clinic only popping for fent- never heroin) it came to a point I noticed every poke was not healing, hurting a lot afterwards, and after healing leaving
    indentations in my skin.
    That’s when I figured that my plug went from Fent to Xylazine, and truth be told I wasn’t even feeling anything good from it- just bruising my arms.

    Crazily enough, I decided to go back to sniffing this stuff to kind of tapper… if I tell you that I stopped it all together and had ZERO withdrawals you wouldn’t believe it! Ok, there was more going on in my life… I had lost a good amount of weight and was feeling myself. Decided to ended a long distance marriage of about 6 years (another don’t ask statement lol).
    I gotta say I was doing a good of amount of coke and light drinking, which at the time I had total control over and certainly saved me.

    But the Xylizene did leave marks on my non tattooed armed, so that’s what I did.

    I never had open scabs or infections, but to this day I still feel it sometimes. My most painful area to be tattooed was over those areas, whether physically or mentally we’ll never know. (I’ll attach pics if I can).

    So yeah, I quit methadone around my first year of being heroin free! A battle I went through absolutely alone (except this angel that came into my life by the last 10mg) whose not only had overdosed before, but also been in the program. He was my rock in those first couple of weeks, and I’m not sure I would have left when I did if it wasn’t for him.

    This is all to say that it took me 7 1/2 years in methadone and heroin to decide to quit both! And until my last 10mg of methadone I had zero help or friends to talk to, as my family was never aware.

    If I can do it, anyone can do it! They tried to get me to jump from methadone into suboxone at the end, and I was like: WHY? But soon I understood … leaving methadone I won’t make them any money!

    I hope my non typical leaving methadone story inspire those who are afraid of the horror stories (which I’m sure are true) but don’t have to be theirs!
    Everyone is different, just give it a try! You might be surprised of how easy it is (easier than MMT))
    annab20, Oct 9, 2024
      BirdJungle and ICEMAN1216 like this.
  7. annab20
    @ICEMAN1216
    I should add at some point all that I just wrote you as part of a journal, because it is a lot more than I haven’t shared yet.

    anyhow, I’ve been a “lurkerer” here for well over 10 years, way before my opiate addiction (I used to search about ecstasy , ghb, molly, coke, etc)

    And when I was feeling discouraged about all the terrible PAWS stories by the only 2 people in my life who knew, I just felt even more compelled to share my good experience!
    Everyone is different individuals! Don’t feel discouraged !
    annab20, Oct 9, 2024
      BirdJungle and ICEMAN1216 like this.
  8. ICEMAN1216
    @annab20 , Wow thank you!!
    I am just so afraid to quit and stay stopped. I have loved ones in harms way in a few place's an older parent, Old in-laws, and a 27 year old son trying to start his life, but to be honest I would be better clean!
    No one in my family knows of my use , it would be a very destructive admission in my marriage. I understand her position ( It is your problem you FIX it)
    being married to an addict is a difficult journey to say the least.
    We have our 32 weeding anniversary next week and going on a fun trip, so I am not going to be a selfish Prick and ruin that with withdrawals. I will continue on my current dose and when back , start my 1,000 taper.
    I get off then when feeling good pick up (Just ONE WTF) i am old and know that shit dose not work.
    even thought I needed them t the time ( Cancer) I wish I never took one!! That would have been impossible, but it is a nice thought.

    thank you again , and congratulations
    ICEMAN1216, Oct 10, 2024
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