13 years opiate use ready to get off this ride

Hi everyone, I finally figured out how to do this.......

I'm a 13 year opiate user mostly Hydrocodone but sometimes oxy. My addiction started with a prescription for chronic back pain. Eventually, my prescription was cut off and since I was already hooked I started to get them from friends I knew who had scripts. I had to still pay for them of course. I've spent so much money that I am truly ashamed.

For quite sometime they haven't done a thing for me other than keep me out of withdrawal and make me feel "normal"....... Normal? What's that? I sure as hell don't know anymore. I've become a shell of my former self, I self isolate as much as possible. Sometimes its unavoidable and I have to Interact with family. But since I've kept it secret it's difficult. I have no one to talk to about it, no insight. I hope to find that here.

Today is my day 1 Its not been too bad yet, I'm getting the hot flashes and sweats but so far that's all. I think because I take Gabapentin it helps......I've read it does. I just found out Gabapentin causes dependence and withdrawal too its like F@#$ me!!!! So I'll have to try and taper off it after I feel the opiate withdrawal is over. I have a few Suboxone if I need them but they scare me after some of the horror stories I've read about its withdrawal. Anyone ever used them just through withdrawal? If so did you have to withdraw from them as well?

Any way just wanted to give everyone a little insight into my problem and my attempt at getting clean, I've tried before and didn't make it past day 5 I stupidly thought I'd be feeling better by then no such luck!! So here is day 1 already 26 hours in. Talk to me good people of DF