Heroin Opiates Opioids Methadone Cannabis

For entry’s I can’t write in my personal diary that I can’t have other people see or Atleast not my Mum. Not going to put her though more pain knowing I am suffering.
I hope to share and hopefully help myself and others who may read this post and see some similarity’s or options they could use in their recovery or way of thinking.

As I have done psycho therapy since I was 15 till now at 30. I have learned almost every trick in the book to beat or counter anxiety and help depression. Namely with CBT or other behavioural therapy’s. These help hugely but for addiction I need much more than “say no” or “think about what you can spend the money on other than drugs” which is a good start! But it’s hard when even if the gear is shit the habit of buying is so strong you will hand out hundreds or thousands of dollars to score some heroin or meth or crack etc but find it hard to spend $20 in a hair cut or some toothpaste and a tooth brush because you don’t care about your health or yourself that much when you use like this..

and I only use tiny amounts I don’t spend hundreds anymore I swap drugs and sell pills but only to people without meds not to people to just get smashed drinking alcohol with them as I know they could OD easy. Which is hard when you sell but I do it in the side only for people I have become well associated with that won’t fuck with me ot my crew. Since here not many gun violence but the bikies have it sorted so do the kiwis do to the islanders and so do the asians. I have had a childhood friend go missing after 5 years in the crack or meth or both game and then started cooking it but fucked up a batch = not $5k it’s like $1-$10m of ingredients that get fucked. NO GOOD. Then he goes missing and no dog will speak. If I find out who did it and they aren’t to affiliated they will have people on their door. anyway life in drugs is unexpected so EXPECT THE FUCKING WORST. Never hand money over until you have the drugs handed to you or in transaction handshake etc. don’t assume anything! If you live in America I would pack Mace and I guess a gun if your in hoodrich places but I don’t promote violence it’s I know how America is. EVERYONE HAS A GUN. 1/5 will be carrying with a licence to carry or the state allows carrying on persons with a gun licence. So yeah get a gun but get a good one a nice ex clip with hollow points if you want to make a mess..