why do I flounder and wreck this crazy bipolar life

Diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 35 years old during my PhD studies in counselling psychology. I took a job across the line, that means doing work in the US of A. I was unable to sit at my desk and try to look busy and after 2 months I went batshit. I'm 65 and haven't a job for more than 7 years since then. I am on a few medications and I am beginning my long journey to get off them. Right now I'm disgruntled with my family.